Parents rating one child above the others

Often times, it is common to see a family where a particular parent either the mom or dad tend to distinguish one child and show them special love and affection at the expense of the others.

From what I have seen and experienced, when a couple gives birth to their first kid, The love for the child would seem boundless and immeasurable since he/she is the first and only child at the moment . Young couples usually cease every available opportunity to show off the first fruit that has made their family complete.

As soon as a second child comes around, a parent love is being divided among the two kids. Sometimes the division of a father's or mother's love might be equal and in a few cases, it might tend to tilt in favor of the new kid. Later on,maybe a third child comes around,and a parent's love would further have to be shared among the three children.

It is common knowledge, especially in my parts of the world, that the last child enjoys more of the parent's love and fondness more than the older siblings. This is quite natural and acceptable to every society as lastborns would always be daddy's or mommy's pet and the older siblings do understand this. A sibling might even love his youngest bro or sis more than the other siblings , this is also natural too.

At-times, it would seem as if a mother's or father's attachment tend to linger more on a particular child over the years even after the last child have already been born . This might make the other siblings quite uncomfortable.

It is very possible that as a parent, your love towards your kids might not be equal and this is perfectly Ok. But as a sane parent, you have to be sensible enough so that they wouldn't know as they are all your kids by the way. I don't think the other siblings would be comfortable when they come to realize that their mother/father have a special fancy for one of them at their own expense.

Although the rest of children might later get used to this fact when they are still growing up together but of course it might probably lead to a cold war between siblings in the future.

The special love and attraction shown by a parent to a particular kid can be due to a number of reasons. It might be that the child in question is the most disciplined, loyal, intelligent or the most understanding one among the rest of the siblings. Such qualities and more would naturally gravitate a mother or father towards him/her. Usually,the equation becomes balanced when the other siblings observes this and might feel challenged to work harder in order to become better versions of themselves so as to earn their mother's or father's respect too. Things might eventually work out for good and a parent becomes very proud of all their children.

In few cases, there might be nothing special about the favored child. He/she might even be the laziest or the one with the weakest character or mentality when compared to the others. This might make the other children feel cheated especially when they are always doing their best to make their family proud, but are never appreciated as much as the favored child who wouldn't do anything for himself talk more for the family.

I had a course mate who had complained bitterly to me how her father had always preferred her elder sister to her ever since they were kids, even though she was obviously "better" than her in all ramifications. She was given admission to the university earlier than her elder sister since she was more brilliant but her father had insisted that she should forsake the admission and wait till the following year when her elder sister might hopefully secure an admission so that they would commence their studies together. According to her, she noticed that her father was more happier when her elder sister got admission than when she secured hers the previous year and this made her cry. I was surprised when she told me that she and her dad had never had a phone call conversation ever since she began studying at the university. But he would always call the older sister at least four times a week and they usually chat for sometimes. Her dad would merely tell the favorite daughter to " send his regards" to her younger sister, before hanging up. Even when the both of them are living in the same room, her dad never bothered to hear her voice so long as he had already spoken with her older sister.

Her father's insensitivity and bias towards her had caused her quite a lot of emotional trauma to the extent that the she began to think of the possibility of not beeen a biological daughter or maybe she was adopted . But that couldn't be true, she also bear same facial resemblance to her father as much as the favorite daughter. What is worse is that she was also deprived of a mother's love too. Had it been their mother were still alive, she would have definitely drawn closer to her and cared less about her father's bias.

I tried to console her and told her to consider the situation from another angle. Maybe her dad already realized that she was more responsible, diligent and courageous and that might be the reason why her dad is less anxious about her since he already have faith in her . "The reason why your father is more concerned and spends more energy on your older sister might be because he is trying to build her up so that she can also be as good as you are". I told her.

But she didn't believe that, as a matter of fact, she thought I said that just to cheer her up. She maintained that she knew her father more than me and on countless occasions, their father had always shown preferential treatment to her older sister ever since they were kids. Her father had said that her older sister reminded him of his own grandmother who he was very fond of.

She promised herself that she would have her " revenge" when their father becomes old and weak.... I didn't understand what she meant by this and I didn't bother to ask since its their family affair.

Personally, I rather have just one kid than to have multiple children if I know that i wouldn't be capable of showing them equal love. Afterall, they never had the opportunity to choose the parent they would like to have before coming into the world and the least I could do for them as a mother is to give my unconditional love to all rather than to be unfair.

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