I'm Physically Okay But My Inner Self Is Not

Blog #399

November 12, 2022

Another two days of being inactive with my side hustles for I was not in the mood to grind. Though my body wanted to be active but my inner self is not. Even how much I tried to but it always end up to just lying down in bed whenever I don't have house works to do.

Honestly, I miss the old me who grind here and there but I won't be forcing myself to be that once again as of the moment because I know myself needs a lot of time to rest especially my mind. So many things had happened in the previous weeks like what my grandma had gone through. That situation had really affected me so bad but I'm grateful enough to God for hearing our prayers. I'm happy to announce that grandma can now slowly uttered some words and can even laugh. How I miss to hear her laugh but I know there's a time to be with her again soon in God's will. Insha'Allah 🙏

Another thing that made me mentally tired was thinking about how I can complete the required star scout uniform of my youngest son and the boy scout and girl scout uniform of the elder siblings of him. Since the classes are now five times a week, they are now required to have their scouts uniform that will be worn every Thursday. Though it made me tired thinking about it, picturing them in my mind wearing those uniforms made me more motivated to find ways to give it to them. When I become a mother, I promised not to let my children experience what I haven't especially in school activities. As long as I can make a way, I will make it to give my children a better experience while they are young. I want them to know that as a mother I am willing to give what's best for them. It may not be given now but I will be trying to give it sooner.

As a mother of four young and loving individuals, I'm happy and grateful to have them so I will always do my best to give what they deserve to be experience. I want to give them a happy childhood so that when they grow up, they will have a beautiful story to tell to everyone. Life may not be easy for us today but I know God will never let us stay in this hard situations forever. Try and try, keep going and fighting, these are the words that I always told to myself.

Closing thoughts

I may not be okay deep inside but I will be trying my very best to do and fulfill my duty to my family. It's hard to be in this situation wherein I felt like I was totally drained, too sensitive with what's happening around, sometimes I get easily irritated with just small things, and sometimes I felt like I have no one who can understand me but I will fight this just like the first time when I had experience this. I know God will always be there for me no matter what happens to strengthen my heart and mind.

Happy blessed weekend to all!

Lead Image: Unsplash

Thank you to all my sponsors who are still here in my block until this time and special thanks to @Coolmidwestguy for the sponsorship.