I almost Give up: What If?

All of these are my doubts, I doubt because I think I can't passed. Have you ever been in the situation that you think that it is the end of your life. I feel that I left behind, I feel that I am a failure,and it is just a feeling.

Every night, I can't sleep early as I can because, My anxiety attacks me. I forced myself to sleep early but there things that bothers in my mind. All of it are What if's.

What if I fail to this Subject?

I've been struggling, this one subject that I have right now since the beginning of the class. Technical Drawing, I always doubt myself to this Subject if I can't passed. This subject is all about drawings. From the beginning of the Class, we are always giving an assignment our Prof. that we need to draw this and that. Now, the semester is about to end and as an requirement for the exam, we need to draw a Dream House. This includes, the Left side view, Floor Plan, Right side view, front view, Roof Plan, back view and Perspective view of our dream house. Everything needs to be connected, especially the every measurements of the house. You can't make your own measurements because your dream house needs to be right as the standard of the house. Why I am struggling?, One of reason why it is because our Prof. is so Strict, he will not consider even small mistakes you made in your drawing. If he will see little mistake you need to draw it again. I know myself that I am not enough, it terms of drawing. Only thing that we ask to our Prof. is the consideration but he failed to give that in our class. All the class are pressured because of him, it is hard to understand the scale that he wants. The deadline is fastly Approaching and yet I only finished draw the Floor Plan, Left side view, right side view and the Front. I need to catch the deadline because he said that if we didn't catch the deadline, he will give us a fail grade or mark us incomplete.

Knowing that, Technical Drawing is not only our Subject, there are many subjects that we need to catch up the activity that given to us. This week and the following week will be a loaded week. I don't want to fail because I don't want to get disappointed my parents, friends, family and the people that believing in me. I am the youngest in the family and I am the one who haven't finish studying, all of my siblings done finished their Schools. I am afraid that I am the one will not finish studying.

I feel that I am a burden to my family, because since the beginning of the pandemic I always stay in our house. I go out but not like before. I want to contribute even small amount, I want to help pay bills in the house but I don't have enough money to give. I believe that disappoinments comes from failure. I don't want to tell myself that I am a failure, but sometimes we can't avoid to think that like that.

Indeed, our failures make us to learn from it, we may experience rough situation but always choose to fight and not to give up. I may experience difficult situation of my life right now but remember there is always a rainbow after the rain. Everything will pass away, all I need is to face this situation with braveness.

I am now in our balcony, writing this article. The rain is not yet fully poured, the environment is so cold. I decided to take a rest for a while and go back to do my School Activities. Magpapahinga pero di Susuko.

Sorry for the dramatic article for today, that are the battles that fighting last week up to the following week. I know that everything will be alright, for now, I need to sacrifice and need this to be done.

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Lead Image taken from Me

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