Making Friends

We prefer to be friends with individuals with whom we frequently cross paths: individuals with whom we go to school, work with, or live close to. The more we see someone, the more likely we are to build a relationship. So, when you start your quest for new buddies, look at the environments you visit.

Similar goals are another major factor in friendship. With a common hobby, cultural history, career direction, or children of the same age, we seem to be attracted to individuals who are similar. Think of things that you love or the causes that you care about. Where do you meet individuals who have the same interests?

Meet new people

Try to open yourself up to new things while looking to meet new people. Not all you try will lead to success, but you can still learn and hopefully have some fun from the experience.

• Volunteering can be a perfect way of supporting people and meeting new individuals as well. Volunteering also offers you the chance to practice and improve your social skills daily.

• Take a class or enter a club, such as a book group, dinner club, or sports team, to meet individuals with similar interests. Websites like Meetup.com will help you find (or start your own) local groups and communicate with people who have common interests.

• Connect with your association of alumni. Many colleges have groups of alumni who meet regularly. You already have the memory of college in common; bringing up old times makes it easy to initiate conversations. Some groups also host community service programs or conferences where you can meet more individuals.

• Walk your dog. As their dogs sniff or play with each other, dog owners sometimes stop and talk. If dog ownership isn't right for you, volunteer for a shelter or a local rescue organization to walk dogs.

• Attend openings of art galleries, book readings, seminars, music recitals, or other cultural gatherings where individuals of common interests can be met. For activities close to you, consult with your library or local publication.

• Greet anyone in the area who is new. Even if you have lived all your life in the same place, take the time to re-explore your attractions in the neighborhood. New arrivals to every town or city prefer to first visit these locations, and they are also eager to meet new individuals and also create friendships.

• Cheer the team up. Going to a bar alone can seem daunting, but find out where other fans go to watch the games if you follow a sports team. Your team automatically has a mutual interest, making it natural to start a discussion.

Turning acquaintances into friends

In our lives, we all have friends, individuals with whom we share small talk as we go about our day or swap jokes or observations online. Although these relationships will satisfy you in their own right, you can transform a casual acquaintance into a true friend with some effort.

The first move is a little opening up about yourself. Intimacy characterises partnerships. True friends know about the beliefs, challenges, objectives, and desires of each other. So, try to share something a little more intimate than you'd usually do. You don't have to expose your closest secret, just something a little more revealing than talking about the weather or something that you've been watching on TV and watching the other person react. They seem to be interested? By sharing something about themselves, should they reciprocate?

Further tips for improving a friend's acquaintance:

• Invite a casual acquaintance out. Many other individuals feel just as nervous about going out and making new friends as you do. Be the one to make the ice melt. Take the first step and reach out, for instance, to a neighbor or work colleague, who will thank you later.

• Carpool to work. Some firms sell carpool services. Simply ask a colleague if they'd like to swap rides if the boss doesn't. A perfect way to get to know someone better is to spend daily time together and provide the chance for uninterrupted and deeper conversation.

• Track down old friends. When you travel or change careers, for instance, it's easy to lose track of friends. Instead of chatting on Facebook or Twitter, make the effort to reconnect and then transform your "online" friends into "real world" friends by meeting up for coffee.

Overcoming barriers to making friends

Will anything deter you from creating friendships that you would like to have? Here are some common barriers and how you can overcome them.

It takes time and effort to build and sustain friendships, but you can find ways to make time for friends, even with a packed schedule.

You're too busy

• Put your calendar on it. For your mates, arrange time just as you would for errands. Make it automatic with a standing appointment weekly or monthly. Or simply make sure that, without setting the next date, you never leave a get-together.

• Combine company and fun. Find out a way to incorporate the things you have to do anyway with your socializing. These could involve going to the fitness center, having a pedicure, or shopping. Errands offer an incentive while also being productive to spend time together.

• Group it. Set up a group get-together if you just don't have time for several one-on-one sessions with friends. It's a nice way to introduce one another to your peers. Of course, you'll have to decide whether they're all compatible first.

You're afraid of rejection

Making new friends means putting yourself out there, and it can be intimidating. If you're somebody who's been deceived, traumatized, or abused in the past or someone with an unstable attachment relationship, it's extremely daunting. But you can discuss ways to create faith in current and future friendships by working with the right therapist.

It helps to assess your mood for more general insecurities or a fear of rejection. Do you feel as though you will be haunted forever by some rejection or show that you are unlikeable or doomed to be friendly? Such doubts get in the way of making fulfilling connections and being a prophecy of self-fulfillment. No one likes to be ignored, but there are safe ways to deal with it:

• Just because somebody isn't interested in chatting or hanging out doesn't mean they're dismissing you as an individual automatically. They might be busy, distracted, or have other stuff happening.

• If you're rejected by others, it doesn't mean you're useless or unlovable. They're just having a bad day. They may have misread you or misinterpreted what you were saying. Or maybe it's not just a good guy!

• You won't like everyone that you meet, and vice versa. Like dating, it can be a numbers game to create a strong network of mates. Rejections are less likely to hurt if you're in the habit of frequently sharing a few words with strangers whom you encounter. The next person is still there. Instead of being hung up on the ones that did not turn out, concentrate on the long-term objective of making quality connections.

• Keep in perspective rejection. It never feels good, but it rarely happens to be as bad as you expect. Others are unlikely to be sitting around complaining about it. Give yourself credit for trying, instead of beating yourself up, and see what you can gain from the experience.

Making a new friend is just the start of the journey. It takes time for friendships to form and even more time to deepen, so you need to cultivate that fresh connection.

For the best friendship, be a better friend yourself.