A Promise of Love

Hello everyone!

This is Argent and I just want to share with you this feeling, I'm hoping for your advice at the end of the article, thank you!

It started a while ago, I think I'm losing something. I feel lonely and sad, I don't know what it is and why I felt it, not until today, yes, today at the very moment while I'm writing this article.

After several days of asking myself why I feel so lonely and hurt, I finally realize one thing, I'm jealous and hurt. I feel bitter and angry towards myself and my feelings for I can't control and dictate them wholly. Truly, It's been years of moving on since we parted ways. She already had multiple relationships with other guys and lived her life to the fullest while for me, on the other hand, is nothing, I was the same old guy who just directed his full attention and time in studying and not minding about love life ever since our break up.

She was the very first woman that I truly gave my heart to and the very first one to break it so hard that even now I still felt. It's not that I had never been in a relationship before, in fact, I had too many past relationships before her, which I thought a true love but clearly, they were not.

We first met at the school campus where we both studied. I was in grade 12, a year ahead of her. I never noticed her at first, she was like very kind, and shy but talkative towards her friends. We never knew each other despite being on the same campus, not until I played as a member of the volleyball team where I was nicknamed the ace because I did multiple aced serves that reach almost half of the total score of the team.

That's when I noticed her, she was really loud and the only person who was cheering and yelling my name. The only lady that has the guts to yell my name so loudly despite my super intimidating presence which made even the most terror teacher some distance away from me. I was amazed by her personality. She requested a fan picture afterward, the very first picture of the both of us together. That's when it started and the rest is history.

On November 24th year 2018, four days before my birthday, she broke my heart. I never expect an early birthday gift with a bomb inside of it, and it came from the very person that I loved. After that, I promised not to let myself fall in love that easy and never let my wall be broken again not unless that person is worth it.

I made a promise to her that she may find another man to fall in love with but still, I will always love her, I will never find another woman and will try my best not to fall in love with unless it's her. My mind was bombarded with thoughts and emotions because of what happened that's why I've said that promise. I never felt angry but I did feel hopeless.

Three months later, I thought I was already over it, but I was wrong. I was hurt and jealous when she dated someone, although I accept it and managed to get over it. Then she had breakups and another relationship and the cycle repeated itself. However, for me, I was just watching, and never had the guts to admit to her that I'm still in love with her. Yes, we still talk casually, usually giving her some advice but that's all into it.

Almost three years have passed and I thought I was finally over it, however, I'm quite wondering why it's hard for me to commit to another relationship, yes, there are several opportunities for that but I've always turned them down. I don't know maybe because I have trauma or there is something else.

Now, I realize why I'm being like this, It's because I'm hurt seeing her dating another man again. Don't get me wrong, I did feel hurt but not bitter enough to meddle with their relationship, I mean I love her and that's enough reason for me to support her in every way I can. Although I hope I was that person but clearly I was not. Why am I like this? It's because I promise to love her until the very end, that promise wasn't just a simple one, it was a promise I've made to God that even if its too much, I promise to guide her and love her, if she's not meant for me then please give me a sign but every time I want to quit the more reason will arrive so to stop me from finally letting go my promise. The promise of my love to her. The promise I've made in front of the church.

Today, I'm relieve that she's having a good company together with her new man, I just hope that he will keep her safe make her as one of his priority from now on. As for now, I'm happy and contented to see her happy even though I'm not the cause of that hapiness.