Tried to Live, But Tired to Survive

Living in this world is tough, so even though other people are trying their best to live, surviving each day makes them tired and decides to end it eventually.

Nowadays, depression is very rampant. It can happen to anyone regardless of age, gender and state of living.

As I was scrolling on my YouTube feed earlier, I saw a video of K-pop idols who were having their concert while singing a beautiful song. The K-pop group seems familiar to me so I tried my best to recall about when was the last time I saw it.

Then, something in my memory pops up, and yeah, one of the members of that K-pop group has stunned the whole K-pop industry with his sudden death.

For those who are fond of stanning K-pop groups/idols, maybe you are familiar with this group called "SHINee" wherein one of the members known as 'Kim Jonghyun' has passed away years ago because of suicide. The police reported that the male idol commited suicide through inhaling toxic smoke as they seen something burnt in the frying pan.

After Jonghyun's death, his suicide note was revealed by his close friend which contained the idol's misery in fighting with depression he's been experiencing for a long time.

Behind his smiles, he was actually hiding the agony in his heart which everyone didn't even notice.

In his suicide note, he said that he was broken from the inside. He kept that feeling to himself even though he had his friends with him, maybe because he didn't want to make them worry about what he felt that time or maybe, he thought that no one could understand him at all.

He also shared about how depression devoured him and can't managed to fight that negative feeling. Imagine what the depressed people are going through. Even though they are trying their best to fight the inner monster within them, when they are already devoured, they might lose their strength to escape from it.

When I was a kid, I thought that being depressed means someone was just sad and later on, they will be happy again. I never thought that it's slowly killing someone's mental health and physical body that may lead to serious outcomes or even death.

Going back to Jonghyun's suicide note, he wrote that he was completely alone during those time. Even though he had his friends, family and fans, he felt alone, why? Because he wanted them to notice what he felt but no one did. He even said that he can hardly breathe properly so why not stop breathing at all.

My heart teared up on this one. This was when he already gave up from living in this world despite the popularity he had with his other members of their group. He revealed that fame wasn't meant for him, and how ironic it sounded as he was already there. Maybe, what he meant was that, the life of a famous idol is never easy especially when they are being controlled. Being the K-pop idols, they have to conform on what their fans want them to do or else, they will receive hurtful words.

Based on what I've read somewhere, Jonghyun had received several hates from a certain song he produced and about his perspective about a certain issue regarding LGBT where he believed that being different is never been wrong. With that, his emotions went down, and he couldn't think properly as his every move was always disappointing to other people.

On his final note, he wrote that he already worked hard and did his best, and those are enough. And eventually, bid his farewell to everyone.

I am so sad knowing that a person like him tried his best to live, but was already tired to survive each day. He was so energetic and bubbly in their old interviews and performances so no one thought that he was slowly dying inside and that's how he felt bad because no one noticed his true feelings.

I feel bad for those fans who love controlling their idols as if they are robots, not humans. I am disappointed about how selfish they are by asking their idols to do something they don't even want to. Idols aren't allowed to show off their real selves because other fans are so freak that might attack them anytime and anywhere if they are not satisfied or if they disagreed.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

As for those people who aren't famous but are going through depression, please don't hide that within yourself and try to talk to other people especially to your loved ones. If you can't do it, please consult a medical expert in that field, or you can reach out to me as well.

I am free to talk to and I will never judge you with whatever thoughts you have. I am always here to listen and I'll try my best to motivate you in surviving each day with a lighter feeling, and I'll help you let go those negativities you have in your chest.

Just please don't give up from living. Life is so precious to be wasted. Always think about the brighter side of everything.

Author's Note:

As a sign of gratitude, I want to express how thankful I am to you, my readers. Thank you very much for those who keeps on supporting me with my articles, and I hope that even though my writing skill was not yet pro enough, you are still learning from it. I am very thankful also to my sponsors, I am hoping that you are all doing fine and for you to be showered with more blessings from above. 

May the good Lord bless you more with love and grace! 😇❤️

Thank you so much for reading! 💕

Date Published: January 8, 2022

Lead Image: From Unsplash

Gif: Originally edited by me using Canva