At the start of every year, it has become a tradition for people to make New Year resolutions and set dozens of goals on things they wish to achieve before the year runs down and even go-ahead to draft out plans or strategies they will have to stick to in order to achieve the set goals for the year. But in our constantly evolving world, we won’t always achieve our goals. Nature may get in the way at some point in your path to achieving your goals, life is unpredictable. You can, however, stop some behaviors or lifestyles that are unproductive. So sometimes instead of trying so hard to figure out what you should be doing in 2021, ask yourself:
What am I not going to do?
I believe that while we are drafting our to-do list we should also have a not-to-do list. Here you simply identify your negative lifestyle or behavior pattern, list them, and then you don’t do them.
What you don’t do determines what you do
Here are the 7 things on my not-to-do list:
I try as much as possible to occupy myself with one activity or another. I realized that some days I spent a lot of time on social media and on YouTube watching videos. But now I have diverted most of those social media time to publish articles, reading and commenting on read.cash and I earn money in BCH for that. Time is really money. Also, I have to learn to accept the truth and stop wasting time on the wrong people.
In 2020, I had plans of establishing a business for mom, so she can assist and lift some financial burden from me. I had plans to work twice as hard and save up enough money. Truly I saved some money though far from the target, it could have at least gotten a shop and bought a few goods to get her started. Along the year, an unforeseen problem came up and the money had to be used to take care of it. I wish I had started with the little I got and then keep adding gradually, we could have come a long way now. I won’t make the same mistake this year. I have to start pursuing my set goals with whatever little I have.
Sometimes when I find myself amidst my peers in an event or gathering, I seem to have a bit of low self-esteem. This is not because I feel/think that I’m not good enough, but just because I’m comparing myself with them – “we graduated within the same period, here they are doing so well. Look at the luxurious life they live” I do often think. I have decided to stop comparing myself with others, appreciate myself more, and work on being a better me.
Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
Want to make excuses? You will find a million of them. If you have been reading my post, you would have an idea of my life situation. How dad’s death made me grow faster and took up the responsibility of providing for the family, the family debt I inherited, how I have been searching for jobs. There was a time I had excuses on why my life hasn’t been any better, and the more excuses I make, the more I have and it added no value or made my life any better. I had to stop making excuses and carry whatever life has dealt me in good faith while working hard to have a better life.
After years of search for a job, I could help but think that perhaps
“I’m not good enough to be employed”
“I’m a loser”
“I never do anything right”
On second thought, most of these ain’t right. I’m not a loser – I work round the clock to provide for my family, though our standard of living could do with some improvements, the family gets to eat well, have shelter, clothing, and my siblings are in school – they are happy, that’s enough at the moment. Negative thoughts about self are toxic and it weighs me down. I have to replace these negative thoughts with something good and focus on the positive.
The first few years after dad’s death, I put a lot of expectations on people, especially relatives, to be kind to my family and me. But that never happened, some even tried to take away the little we had. Along the years I have also relied on some people to put in good words for me during a job search but I always get empty promises. Tribalism, favoritism, nepotism, and all forms of sentimentality, make getting a job difficult for those who have no connections to people in the high positions in the country. We have those who have someone sitting in a high position getting the job than a more qualified person who knows no one. I’m not trying to make excuses, but it has become a common practice in the country – If you don’t have someone to pull you in, you try to bribe your win in, if not, you have to keep trying with the hope you do get the job and this might take years or never. I have tried to meet relatives and family friends to at least put in good word for me and they will always make promises probably just to send me away. I have long decided to not leave myself at anyone’s mercy.
Trying to solve every family problem myself
I tend o get caught up in overthinking, worrying about life in general. I play out scenarios in my head before they happen, I think of how life would have been a lot better if dad was still alive, I overthink situations, and sometimes I can’t stop thinking about how my family’s life could have been better if I had done things differently. To be honest, overthinking takes away my happiness. Now I try to get busy to keep my mind busy. And it’s working, that doesn’t mean I don’t get to worry, but I don’t waste too much time on it or overdo it.
I have more on my list, but I will keep this list short not to end up boring you. These are at the top of my not-to-do list. And I have not done any of them since the first day of the year. I plan to keep to the list, though the impact may not be so great, it will make me feel a lot better about myself.
Do you have a not-to-do list? Feel free to share yours in the comments section below.
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