I'm scared to be happy

Date: November 3, 
Writer: AlphaCron

Hey dear readers on Read.Cash!

Last night, as I was answering my modules in Field Study, my father called me. He told me on the phone that I can now get my allowance given by our local government unit (LGU) in our city. To be honest, I'm longing to get the money considering the fact that I have to utilize it for our thesis project. Our project technology costs more or less 10,000 pesos ($200). Besides, we have to start creating our project. Having that said, good thing I can now get it. What a blessing from the heavens! However, the thing is that I have to return to our city to get the money personally since I am the beneficiary of the allowance. So, I have to go the capitol to claim it.

After we talked about the allowance stuff, what I did is to pack my clothes and other necessary things that I should bring. I started to prepare my stuff at around 9:45 in the evening and ended at10:20. I was kind of excited actually because finally, after how many months of waiting, I'll be able to receive it. I intend to sleep at around 11 pm and wake up at 5:30 am. Nevertheless, I utilized the remaining 40 minutes to read some blog entries and checked my social media platforms.

Fast Forward

Today

I exactly woke up at 5:30 in the morning, did first my morning prayer, and cook rice for our breakfast before I take a bath. I already prepared my clothes to wear last night. I don't want to consume so much time. After readying myself, I then head to one of the eateries here in our neighborhood. I bought 2 different viands. So, I decided to eat first. Since, I've done doing the things that I should do, I wave my hand to bid goodbye to my brother. I will be away with my brother for 3 days. Actually, he wants me to go home. Of course, I make sure to bring my modules with me so that I will not become unproductive considering that I have to double my efforts on finishing my tasks.

Anyway, it was 7:05 when I finally arrived at the bus terminal. Actually, we waited for almost 30 minutes because the driver has to fully fill the bus with passengers. After almost two hours of traveling, finally, I arrived at my city; I arrived at home. Be that as it may, instead of feeling the adrenaline rush and euphoria, my mood suddenly changed. I see right before my eyes that my mother is crying . My father told me that our Uncle (my mother's youngest brother) has passed away. I couldn't help myself but cry as well because I really don't want my mom to cry. I gave my mom a tight embrace just to give her solace.

That's why I don't want to be very happy because whenever I'm in a state of extreme euphoria, I feel like something bad will happen. Have you also felt that way? Indeed, life surprises us with an unanticipated turn of events. Life makes us feel clueless. As much as possible, I don't want to talk about death provided that it's way too morbid.

Closing Thought 💡

There's no denying that losing someone you love so dearly is indeed excruciating. It's like you hit rock bottom. They may be dead physically but the memories we have of them continue to live on.

By the way, I was not able to claim my allowance at the Capitol because of what happened. Anyway, I will claim it this monday instead.

Thanks for dropping by dear despite the fact that I failed to read your articles today. 😢 I hope you're all safe and sound! 💕