You can forgive half or completely, but not completely
Listen, every other answer will say something like, "Oh, it's for you! You'll never find peace or let go of the grief unless you forgive them! " And most of them are. You know it. Ignorance and selfishness in the spirit of "all life is sacred, but every criminal should be killed."
The trouble with this viewpoint is that we often envisage ourselves in situations where we have done wrong and are not forgiven. Of course, we'd be grateful for any forgiveness, any acknowledgement, and our sincere apologies. That jerk coworker doesn't want to lose his job, so we dismiss his feelings, and most villains only want forgiveness so they can keep doing what they're doing.
In reality, most people just want things to be normal again. We humans despise drama. We despise it so much that we'll give up ourselves, our happiness, and even our loved ones to avoid it. Battered moms have tossed their children into the flames, hoping that everything will return to "normal" for a moment. You'll put up with your dog's bad behavior so you can watch your shows. "Oh fantastic, now everything will go back to normal!" is the initial thought when two friends who dislike each other reconcile.
The sad fact is that everyone asks you to forgive because they fear the drama, bad energy, and stress it stresses them out. It bothers them that you and your unforgiven person are not on good terms. "I don't know what they did to you, or why, I don't care, and neither should you," according to one explanation, because of "forgiveness."
That big cloud that hangs over the family get-together because either someone isn't there ("It just doesn't seem like Christmas if no one is present!"), or they are there but are insane. (‘Why can't you get over it? When it isn't Christmas and the family isn't together, they don't care and it isn't their problem. It's easy to forget.
If you tell an impersonal friend or random stranger that you have a horrible connection with your father, the first reaction is always "Oh, but you should forgive your father." They don't know your father, don't have to live with your father, and won't have to bear the responsibility of what occurs if you follow their advice. In most situations, people can only see themselves as fathers and not be forgiven. Or not forgiving their father, who is undoubtedly a fine man.
Although there is a season for forgiving, and that is late winter, most people are driven to forgive in early spring! Or a perpetual spring. I'm suggesting forgiveness is a process that takes time and involves action from the forgiver. However, if the other person does nothing but the same terrible things, they do not deserve forgiveness. You can forgive people for being flawed and human, but not for what they do because it is "part of their nature."
Forgiveness has meaning only when it is difficult to attain. If you want it, it has to signify something and drive the other person to act. No, you don't acquire it by birth, and in that case, it's only excellent because someone else paid the majority of the atonement for you! But forgiveness isn't free!
Undeniably, if we hold forgiveness in high regard, we should also hold it in high regard. Forgiveness is a virtue, and it should be wished for by all. I don't want to get off easily if I do something bad! Because I'm not a selfish prat, I'll have severe issues with "forgiveness" if I get slapped on the wrist while my friend gets flayed alive.
"Forgiveness, so the healing can begin" is just a way for those who abuse the kinder natures of others, the social and emotional parasites, the sociopaths, to ignore their own guilt and freely repeat their actions over and over again, because you've forgiven them for doing this bad thing a bunch of times, so why should they stop? They expect forgiveness.
Is a person free from sin if he continues to transgress, knowing he can merely pretend to embrace Jesus as his savior to have his sins forgiven? Is a student a good student if he learns 2+2 = 4 but constantly turns in 2+2 = 5? Is it really love if someone loves you yet spends a lot of time and energy making your life miserable?
Humans are lazy, liars, and cheaters who will push boundaries to the limit to avoid penalty. In order to maintain those boundaries, one must be tough and strict in their answer. An unearned forgiveness seeker should seek forgiveness instead of permission at all times, just as your dog would keep peeing on the carpet if you only disciplined him occasionally.
Forgive them for being flawed, furious, or mentally sick, but keep them out of reach until they stop striking you completely, and until they apologize for a lifetime of beatings. Anything "only in the past" is merely hoping you'll wipe the slate clean so they can do it again, or pretend they're in the clear.
It's okay to hang around with someone who borrows money and never pays it back, but you can't forgive their debt by not lending to them. Similarly, if a family member has betrayed your trust or conducted crimes against you, you can be cordial and friendly to them at family events, but never trust them in those roles.
You can love someone deeply and still not forgive them for some of their behaviors. Expecting someone you care about to at least apologize or modify their behavior is normal human behavior. Were you truly loving your children if you forgave them for everything they did without ever asking them to learn? How unprepared they will be when confronted by partners, children, etc. The only caring thing one can do is strive to be a gentle teacher to help them learn-and that includes not simply forgiving them when they go wrong!
It is still necessary to "forgive" a gay person for being gay or a child who killed their mother in childbirth. A person with a defective sense of forgiveness must examine their ideas and reality, determining where harm is done and where it is not, and deciding if someone is deserving of forgiveness or not. As a result, granny "forgives" their grandson for being gay, but hates and despises everyone else for being gay. It's worthless, like anything born of ignorance.
Consider what wrongs a person has done to you and what is beyond forgiveness, before making a decision and acting. Don't forgive because you're guilty of not forgiving—your crying, angry bipolar partner wants it! Let go of your expectations as a mother, Christian, Buddhist, or lover, since it allows abusers to do whatever they want. If you don't forgive, you'll end up regretting it. And it's okay to refuse forgiveness. Is it wrong to hate someone for something they can't control? It's absurd. Hate Timmy's new rock-throwing habit? Perfect!
Avoidance is ideal for repeat offenders. Keep them out of positions where they can do it again. If they consistently risk or worsen your life, remove them. Don't call them! The urgency with which they and others will strive to re-integrate you is borne of a fear of losing something they can't simply replace, but it doesn't mean they can't, and it doesn't mean you exist exclusively to fill that vacuum.
They're usually frightened of losing another soul to abuse. They know that if they did it to someone else, they wouldn't get away with it. If you're just a fling, it's because they can't get into anyone else's bed that night, so you're the only guaranteed thing.
We are social beings. Finding new acquaintances and social cliques is difficult, scary, and frequently hazardous. Fear often keeps us forgiving and our abusers hanging on.
Face your fear. Punish their fear; if they're that scared, they should be. If they aren't willing to face their fears, you must face your own.
Forgiveness is also needed when you are secure, healthy, and have a leg to stand on. It shouldn't be demanded of you when you're unhappy or ill. In the same way that a son should not ask his mother for forgiveness (and hence inheritance) before she dies, so should a spouse, brother, or friend do so while they are still suffering, especially if they are suffering as a result of your own misdeeds. In a healthy divorce, both individuals make sure the other is stable, has a home, and can support themselves. Unhealthy spouses drive their partners to quit their jobs, sell their homes, and start again, all to compel forgiveness and "come home."
Obtain vengeance by living well and forgiving by realizing they do not possess your life or spirit. You can grin at your fake friends, lovers, and strangers since it's as simple as smiling at random strangers on the street.