Letter to myself

Dear self,

I understand you. I know that you're exhausted and that level of exhaustion is far beyond from what your crates of energy could handle. All those times you struggle to think clearly or times you struggle even on simplest or basic things, those are the times you just want to sit under the shower or isolate yourself in your room to cry everything. I know that there are times you don't want to respond to messages or times you just want to cover your ears to know what peace or quite really mean.

You've been working so hard to pick up your scattered broken pieces and to calm down all the things that keeps you up all night. You keep on trying to fill up the empty spaces in your heart not knowing that there are times that you tried so hard to the extent that you're being too hard to yourself. I am sorry for being so hard to you. I am sorry for making you feel so small and make you work hard to be better right away.

I know that it's been a long time since the last time you felt so happy when you wake up. Maybe because I let you sleep completely today without worrying what time you should get up. I now know that sometimes you just really need a rest —a break from all the things that messes your mind and breaks your heart. Let's start again from small treats for you. A nap, a treat for your achievements, good food to cheer you up and self compliments to boost your confidence.

Self, I seem to not find time to tell you how proud I am to you, but please know that I am so proud of what you are now. And now, I just want to hug you. To tap your shoulder and tell you that you did great today. You let yourself rest, finished all your tasks and you also watched series of your favourite actor.

And if someone tells you that you're not enough even if you tried so hard, don't believe them. You are loved. You are enough. Things that other people say about you doesn't define you and your worth. You define you. Please know that you don't need to try so hard. Mistakes shouldn't be meant that you don't do well. And the pain you're feeling is not your fault. You are not your pain either. Nothing is quick fix. What's more important is that you're trying and you're still here.

Keep going self, I know you'll go places and you'll leave a mark of your love and sincerity.

I am so proud of you.