The Hobby of An Introvert (Me)
Have you tried not to feel like being with others? I mean, you don't like to hang out with others and choose to be alone. Is it nice to be alone? Do you prefer to be with others or be alone? Which is more fun, to be with other people or to be alone?
I am an "Introvert" person. Here's why:
***Childhood***
When I was a child, I am not like my cousin who's healthy and able to play outdoor games. Before, my parents won't allow me to play outside because I easily get hurt and I am sensitive. I am not allowed to be under the sun because I suddenly collapse due to heat. I easily get cold and cough if I am with someone who has that sickness. My siblings can go outside and play while I was just at home. As a child, I don't understand. That is why sometimes I got mad with my parents. But as days go by, I understood them. It is because one time, I plead to my mother that I want to go outside and play. She said okay since there is no sun at that time but not raining too. It's a nice day. I joined my cousins in their games. The game was "Lingin-linginay" where there is someone who will catch/touch someone inside the circle but he needs to be on the edge of the said circle. When the game started, we strangled our hands to each other who's inside the circle. But then, the accident happened. As we move side by side, afraid to be touched by the "Taya", we all stumbled to each other and the worst happens was we dived on the ground and I was under my cousins. I felt that my world spin. I can not hear them and my vision is getting dark. I know they're calling my name but I don't know how to respond. I looked at my arms which I felt so numb. There I saw blood in my elbow. I saw my one cousin run to our house, there I saw Mama running to me and carried me. She's talking to me and in my mind, I am responding to her. I saw her cried out of worried. When I felt okay, she didn't scold me but said that I can not play again outside. It was the time when my parents got strict when I went outside.
So, for me not to get bored, I started to draw. I draw animals and nature. It was not perfect until I saw my father's book. A book of houses and structures. I draw some of the houses in that book. And my father was proud at that time. He even bought bond paper and pencil that time and a ruler too. That was my hobby when I was a child. Since I am also afraid to play again outside. We also play with my sister a bahay-bahayan but they prefer to play outside.
***Teenage or High School Life***
This time, I am still an introvert. I don't want to be with others and I only have two friends. They are also introverted and we seldom talked even we're friends. We have the same hobby. But one of my friends likes to write. They introduced me to my anime. They said that watching anime was nice. Before we don't have phones and the internet, so they're watching anime by buying a disc or a DVD. They let me borrowed their DVD. At first, I don't like it because it's Japanese and the subtitle makes my eyes hurt. But then, I learned that the story was nice. The title is " Maid Sama", the story is about a poor girl who's schooling in a prestigious school while working as a waitress in a cafe. I will not elaborate it here though. Since then, they will lend me their DVDs since I can't afford to buy them. It was the start that I chose to stay at home watching anime than mingle with others even my cousin who's the same age as me. They're asking me out but I always decline. I don't feel to hang out with them though.
Even when I had stopped my studies after I graduated high school, all I want is to stay at home and watch anime. J had watch lots of anime that they're already shuffling in my mind, lol.
***College Days***
During this stage, since I took Education Course, I need to mingle with others. Though I talked with friends, I still have this barrier in me. I can not trust easily and I prefer to be alone. At school, I always seat at the back where no one will notice me. I am holding my phone while watching anime or sometimes reading manga.
I have a friend who said that k-drama is good. And that I should try to watch it. So, I tried to search for the title she had given me. I looked at the time of each episode and it took 1 hour or more. And I was like, it will just make me bored. But then, I still tried. So I watch the first episode. I was hooked on the story so I watched the next episode until I finished it. Since then, I always look on Facebook about k-drama that is good stories and any updates of newly released k-drama.
It was my stress reliever when I am stress with my studies. I also watched Turkish series. And one of them is the "Erkenci Kus", I love the characters of the said series. My friends would ask to go outside and fun but I prefer to stay at my boarding house and watch series.
~~~~
For me, it's good to be alone and do my hobbies than to be someone else. I don't know why, but maybe because I have the trust issue before. I can not easily trust someone. I am afraid also to talk with someone because they might backstab me. That is why I am contented to be alone and do things that made me smile and happy. Also, I am ashamed to be with others and I felt I am out of place because I can get what they're saying. The feeling of being alone though you are with someone.
And when I am alone, I felt free. Like, O don't have to think other people. And that if I decide, I can decide without there opinion.
#####
That's my story for being an introvert person.
Note: Cover image from Unsplash
https://unsplash.com/photos/77mx-jc-gb4
"Is Cheating A Choice?" My boyfriend's answer.
These past few days, I have read more rants on Facebook about their partners cheating on them. I am in a relationship too and this news on Facebook makes me worried somehow. I am asking myself why do partners cheat? There must be a reason why they cheat on their partners. A kind of relationship problems that affect other people's life and relationship.
I am a woman, so, I will write my opinion here as a woman and a partner.
What does a woman want for a man? What kind of man does she want for her life? Is financial status important? Or, the physical appearance?
Every person is unique, so it means every woman has a different perspective in life that affects how they choose a man that they would let into their life. As a woman, I chose a man who knows how to respect my parents. That's what I am looking for in a man before. Not to brag but I had lots of suitors before but I dump them. I had some ex but they were just phone mates, meaning they were my boyfriend on phone only. I had two exes whom my parents knew them. My parents like them for me because they're good persons. But still did not work. My first boyfriend lasts only for a week, lol. And the second one last for I don't how many days only, lol again. My age at that time was 19 I guess. And I am not serious about relationships at that time because all in my mind at that time is to finish my studies.
When I was in college, I met my man (my boyfriend now). At first, I don't like him because he's a gamer. I mean, almost all his vacant time, he's in the computer shop playing Dota. We're on the same course with the same organization. But then, we became friends. I saw him changed. When he courts me, I said yes. Other people might think I am easy to get woman but I don't mind them. As long as I knew what's my priority, I am good. I accepted him because I saw how good a person he is. I didn't tell my parents that I already have a boyfriend because I'm afraid my father will stop supporting my studies.
We've been one year in a relationship when he asked me to bring him too to our town during the fiesta. I said okay since they are many to go to in our hometown. We divide them where they will sleep. And my boyfriend belongs to the group where they will sleep in our house. I was nervous, like "Oh Em Gee". Papa might know because I know my father so much. He can easily notice something around him but still, I don't have a choice. And there, it only took an hour before my father dearest confronted us both. I was so nervous but fortunately, my father understands us both. I thought he'll get mad. He just pinches my ears because I did not tell them about my boyfriend and that we were already 1 yr and a half in a relationship. He advises us both on what should do and not do. My boyfriend also promised that he will not disappoint my parents. He also apologized that he wasn't able to meet them because I didn't allow him. My father glared at me, lol. I am just afraid they might stop supporting my studies. I am glad that they like my boyfriend.
We're already 5 yrs in a relationship. We both finished our studies. He is now working and hoping I can work at the school he's working at. In that 5 years, he didn't disappoint me. He always showed me how much he loves me. He shows me how he respects my parents. He's not a man of words but he's a man of action. He's sweet in person but not on social media. He doesn't like Facebook, he will just open Facebook if he wants to read Manhwa. It's like comics but the characters were anime. Sometimes I felt envy for those girls who have boyfriends that posted their faces on Facebook or their day. I also like to be posted and show sweetness but then I realize, what will I get from posting? Maybe some will be happy for both of you but I know, many will bash you. It is because we can't please everyone. I also understand my boyfriend for being allergic to Facebook. And he explains his side. As long as he shows how much he loves me, that's enough.
When I saw some rants about cheating partners in a relationship, I asked him.
"Is there a possibility that time comes that you will cheat on me?" I asked him. I looked into his eyes. He smiled.
"No! That's impossible. It's my choice to court and asked your "Yes". I promised your parents you know that. My choice is to be with you. I planned for our future. You know how much I love you from the first day till now. And cheating is out of my choices." He said sincerely.
"So, you mean, cheating is a choice?"
"Yes! It's not a mistake and never be a coincidence. It is a choice for a man to get out of a relationship. It only means that the guy was not in love with the girl anymore, it is his choice to leave or cheat."
"And never in my life that I'll cheat with you. You are my choice, my choice to live with you."
I just smile at him. I really hope so. Time flies fast. And tomorrow have no ends. We still have more trials to face. I hope that that time of cheating will not be still be in the list of his choices.
As of now, we're happy. There are times that we have misunderstandings but we see to it that we fixed it. We fight for our love and relationship. I hope, none of us both will get tired and have yhe choice of cheating.
***
Cover Image from Unsplash
https://unsplash.com/photos/BcVvVvqiCGA
My Godparents
What does Godparent mean? How can you say that your Godparent is a good godparent or not? Do they give you material things? How about money? Do you have many godparents? Are you happy having more godparents?
I have 9 godparents, that's what my parents told me. I was baptized in Manila where we lived before we came here to my mother's hometown. Though they are nine of them, I only knew three. One godfather and two godmothers, and I am not close to my one godmother which is living in the next barangay. My Ninong and other Ninang were our neighbors. They are cousins of my mother.
My Ninong is working as a driver of the Mayor of the town. He's kind and generous to me. He will give me a gift during Christmas when I was a child. Even when I was a high schooler. I like him because he's a responsible father to his children. He also visits our house and asks my Papa to have fun. They will have to sing along in our house. For me, gifts are not important. Glad that my Ninong will advise me on how to handle life. Especially when my father scolded me sometimes. My Ninong will say that my father loves me that's why he always reprimand me when I made mistakes. That my father won't like me to be out of the way where I will be a dump into worst.
My Ninang Elbing, who's close to me is my favorite of all. She's my mother's cousin/best friend. She was the one who was with mama during my mom had labored for me. She was the one who assessing mama while my father was at work. I love my Ninang Elbing. Though they're not rich, she's willing to help. Her husband Ninong Edwin is also a kind man. They have two sons. Every time they have food on their table they will call me and my siblings to eat in their house. Though the viand is vegetables or fish, we're happy because my parents sometimes can't afford to buy. They have a little farm, they plants vegetables. Every time they harvest they will give us vegetables to cook. I am grateful for them. Sometimes Ninang will call me to their house, there we talked about life and what are my plan. She always gave me advice and that I should not lose hope. She also told me that if ever I reached my goals, she hopes that I won't forget here.
One time, during my college days, she went to Pampanga. We had no contacts at all. She called me on the phone and I was not able to answer it. She texted me it was her. So I called her and said sorry. Though she's far, she didn't forget to ask how I am. There was a time that I was so busy. She called me but was not able to answer her call, and I forget to text her. I didn't know she was disappointed. Didn't know she went home together with her family. I went to their house when she suddenly cried. I am a fourth-year college student at that time. She said that she thought I already forget her and she told me about the call. I told her, of course not. She then said that she's happy that I still remember her.
I promised myself before that if I reached my goals in life, I will not forget her. If I had given them a chance to earn more, I will help her financially because they're also don't have someone to lean on.
What I learned from my godparents is that I should not give up and quit in life. Never forget those people who helped you when you have nothing.
It's not the material you gave that would tell how good godparents you are. It is on how you manage to give time to talk with your godchildren and be there when they need someone to talk with. Good godparents will guide and teach their godchildren to be good individuals in society.
Thank you @immaryandmerry for the sponsorship 🥰🥰🥰
So grateful. I already have two sponsors. 💜
My 1st week stay in read.cash
It's been a week since I joined this platform. I saw it in the noise. cash where users there posting about their article. I opened the article and saw that many users were rewarded much than in noise. cash.
I told my self why not try this platform since I also like to write. I saw that some articles were about cryptos and I thought that I don't have any ideas about crypto. I scrolled down and saw that some articles were not about cryptos and it gave me hope.
There are some articles about life, experiences and some were stories like romance. It gave me hope that maybe somehow I will be able to earn too like others.
After I registered, I looked for an article that would give me a hint or ideas on how to e rewarded here because I've seen some articles that were not given even single sent. So, I browsed some articles that would help me to start with this platform. I have seen lots of tips on how to start with reading. cash.
I got tips on how to start with this site from some users, I have that when you register, you should not publish an article but you should interact first with others. Try to read some articles and give some comments so that you will not be rated as spam, so I followed it. I register at night and then read some articles and leave some comments. The next day I posted my very first article. I had waited for almost 48 hours before it was given by the random rewarder. I was glad when I saw that my article was been rewarded. And it gave me hope. It helps me to continue writing.
**So these are the following articles that I have written for a week.**
**The Dream I want to fulfill.**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/the-dream-i-want-to-fulfill-14954d12
It is all about my dream for my family, especially for my parents. I shared my experiences and my plans for the future. I waited for almost two days to be given a reward. I told myself that I will not publish another article if I will not be given. But the next day, I saw that it was rewarded about $3.74. I was so happy looking at it. So I decided to write another one.
But I was not able to publish that day. I was busy a but that time. So I posted my 2nd article on my third day.
**Help the breadwinner.**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/help-the-breadwinner-48cbf979
It was about my father who's our breadwinner ghat I want to help. Sad that it was not given by the robot. It was given by some user about $0.10 and I am still glad about it.
I didn't lose hope and write another article ang published it the next day in the evening. My fourth day on this site.
**Aiah's Day 04-24-2021**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/aiahs-day-04-24-2021-9b89bd10
It was all about what had happened during my day on April 24, 2021. It was the day when my sister called me to say thanks for the cake and money I gave her for my niece's birthday. I also wrote about our experiences before and what we've been through as sisters. The random rewarder was very kind and generous to me that day because it gave me $6.66 for this article.
**I dreamt of you**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/ive-dreamt-of-you-db3b7d66
I wrote this one because I had dreamt of my ex and I want to share it with others. It is because I felt like I betrayed my boyfriend for that dream. Glad that someone wrote a comment and made me felt relieved. The random rewarder gave me about $2.85 on this article.
5. **Aiah's Day 04-25-2021**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/aiahs-day-4-25-2021-2fb2f0d3
It was about my feelings about my cousin who commented on my post on Facebook. I shared about our childhood days on how she treated me and my siblings. I earned $4.08 on it.
**Trust Issue**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/trust-issue-f706f5ac
It is about my trust issue towards other people especially my relatives on my mother's side. I earned $2.78 on it.
**Aiah's Day 04-26-2021**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/aiahs-day-4-26-2021-parents-47ba5cc3
It is all about my parents and my plans for them. This article is full of hope for my parents that someday I will fulfill for them. I earned $2.69 on it.
**The Struggle of Unemployed licensed teacher.**
https://read.cash/@Aiah_05/the-struggle-of-unemployed-licensed-teacher-4589c9a8
This is all about me being unemployed and how frustrated I am to have work. I am still waiting for it to be rewarded. Hoping it will. For now, it has $0.30
All in all, I earned $23.2 in a week here in read.cash. So, blessed that I can earn this amount of money while at home. I am not employed yet but I am thankful I found this platform.
I promise to write more articles even if I don't like to. I learned it from my very first sponsor @Bjorn . He's helping me and encouraging me to write and write. I extend my gratitude to him.
That would be all for now.
The Struggle of Unemployed Licensed Teacher
Just want to share what I feel for being unemployed despite having a degree. The frustration I felt when I heard someone talking about me for having no work and just staying at home.
I graduated last May 2019 and took my board exam last September 2019. I passed the exam take one. I took for NC2 last year preparing for the RQA for teachers and even took the English Proficiency Test. I was so ready for the ranking last year but sad to say that our ranking was suspended. And that we, new applicants, will wait for the resume of the ranking. They will only accept those applicants who were under the Do.7 the year 2018-2019 who had not yet hired to retain their points. It was suspended due to a pandemic. It was a hassle.
When I heard about the suspension, I am ready to find work. I was about to go to Manila but my father did not let me cause he knew from the news that there were lots of positive Covid-19 patients there. He was afraid I might get the virus and be sick. I told him that I will go to Cebu but still, he doesn't want me to go. He said that I can go find work if the world's back to normal. I can't do anything because I don't want my father to get mad and I don't like them to worry about me. So I decided to stay at home and find work online. I can't apply for a call center because the signal and the internet are not stable. Days and months passed I wasn't able to find work. So, I looked for platforms that will allow me to earn.
I downloaded the 2captcha app and did the data entry. I am earning bitcoin but I cannot earn at least $1 a day but continue doing it because I don't have a choice. When things get worst, I look for other platforms that surely pay. I even tried bling apps. I did earn to those apps but not enough.
While I am at home, my neighborhood went to our house and asked me why I don't have work yet. They compare me to those graduates who already worked in Deped. I told them about the ranking but they don't understand so I just kept my mouth shut and let them talked and talked. I want to defend myself but I chose not to. I will not waste my time on them just to make myself good in front of them. They already judged me, I will not tell my plans rather I will show them to them in the future.
To those people who easily judge an unemployed person though he/she has a degree, please be sensitive enough. You don't know what they're feeling now.
I have a friend, she's also a licensed teacher. She'd been applying for a position in a public, yet she hasn't been hired until now because she did not belong to Do.7, her points were below 65. She graduated last 2016. I knew how frustrated she was. She even applied to a private school to gain experience but the salary was not enough for their needs so she decides to quit. So, she planned to work as a call center but the neighbors told her that it doesn't suit her because she's a teacher. People love to criticize others. I told her that whatever she thinks right and will help her family, she should follow her heart and just don't mind other people. It's okay to felt disappointed and frustrated with what they were saying but in the end, it is you who will suffer if you believed in them. Now she is already working in a company. She's a call center agent now for 2 yrs. That's why I want to go where she is working but my father won't let me go.
It is not easy to be part of Deped as their teachers. There are lots of things you need to acquire to complete the requirements. What I want to say is, people should be more sensitive enough about what they were saying. Nowadays, it's not new to us that some of the hired employees done some under the table to be hired. I am not telling that all but some. For me, I don't want to be hired because I bribed or I was close to someone who's inside. I want to be hired because my credentials were excellent and passed.
For now, I will just wait for my timeline to come. As I also want to teach online, I can't because I don't have a computer or laptop and also the internet is not stable.
How I wish and pray that everything will go back to normal so that I can find work for my family.
I am just so thankful that I found this sit which I am earning though I am just at home. Hopefully, I can earn more for more savings.
Aiah's Day 4-26-2021: Parents
Everybody, hello! How was your day today? So, here I am again, writing what happened and been feeling today. Hope you will bear with me still. Lol.
Anyway, this one is just a thought of mine. Things coming into my mind and just want to jot it out here.
A not so special morning for me.
I went to the kitchen to have breakfast. I saw my Mom, putting the used clothes into the basin because she said she'll do laundry. I saw it so many. She's going to wash her clothes, my father's and my niece's clothes. She doesn't like to have more clothes to wash but this day, I saw it more than I expect.
She said to have breakfast already so that I will not get hungry. My siblings still sleeping, it was already 7:30 in the morning.
I was eating breakfast so early when my father went to the kitchen to get his lunch box. I saw him put his things on his backpack and inside his sack were his tools for carpentry. I asked him who's with him on his work. He said that it was the pare. I just nod and bid goodbye. I told him to take care.
He will just walk to his work in the next barangay. Since I was a child he's just walking to his work. Even how far the house he needs to work. I felt pity for my parents, they're sacrificing so much.
I wish to have work now but sad that we are now in a pandemic state so I will not be able to work. I would like to try a call center agent but the signal and internet here in our province are not stable. So, I did look for platforms that will help me earn even 2$ a day. Fortunately, I found noisecash and read. cash. I am so blessed I found these two legit platforms. I can earn more than I expect.
Though, I don't have free tips on noise because I was in QR code mode. Sometimes, other users may able to tip me but almost they can't unless they used a QR code. So, I am working more here in read.cash. I am lucky since the robot always visits my article. I can earn here about 6$-7$ a day. It depends on how much the robot will give me.
My earnings help me a lot since I can give my parents my earnings for our needs. I plan to save some for my future cause I know that BCH will increase its price. So, sometimes I only withdraw some of my earnings for us to buy our needs and some I save to my bitcoin wallet.
I plan to earn and save more because I want to buy my Mama a washing machine and my Papa a motorcycle. I know, it will be a long journey to save for that thing but I believe that someday I will be able to buy those for my parents.
I want to buy my Mom a washing machine because she's already old. I don't want to see her tired washing those clothes by hand anymore. Sometimes I helped her with washing clothes especially when she's not feeling well. I want her to have a break and enjoy. But I can't do anything because I can't lend her money to have fun for herself. I also want her to just stay at home and not go to our farm. I plan to give her money so that she can have a little piggery someday. That was her wish. To have a little business. She also wants to have a little sari-sari store but many of our neighbors have already a store so it's not a good idea.
For my father too, I want to buy him a motorcycle so that if he will go to his work, he doesn't need to walk miles to be there. He doesn't need to wake up early and not afraid to be late. I also want him to have a break and relax. If given, I want him to stop working as a construction worker or as a carpenter because he's already aged.
Seeing your parents tired from their work is so frustrating and painful. Sometimes I always talked to myself that I should find work. But how can I? My father won't allow me to go somewhere else nowadays because of a pandemic. He said that money can be earned and seen but a daughter cannot be earned easily. I was touched by his word because he cares. He told me that I can look for a job if things were fine. He said that I can work at home if I want. I want to have a tutee but some of the parents don't like to have tutors for their children because they also lack money. We're in the province so I understand their situation. I helped children here but not asking money in return. If the parents will give a little amount, I will accept it because I badly need money for our family. At least I can help my parents.
This whole day, I was just in my room. Thinking about what to do. I planned for things that I will do in the future that I can give return to my parents. Hoping my plans will be done in the future. The plan for my family.
This afternoon, my father arrived from work. I went to the kitchen and made him coffee to drink. I gave it to him and he looked for Mama. I told her that mama was in the room, having a nap because she's tired from doing laundry. My father just nods.
During our dinner, I looked at my parents. They are getting old. I can see their freckles and eye bags under their eyes. Tiredness can be seen in their eyes. I want to make those tired eyes gone on their faces. I want them to be happy and relaxed. I promise myself that I will someday. Someday, my parents will enjoy the life they deserve. Maybe not now but in the future.
I will also support my siblings studies so that we can help each other when our parents get older.
When they will get older I want them to be with me and I will be the one to take care of them. I will give them the life they want. I will make their dreams come true. I want to see happiness in their eyes. Yes, I have to see that happiness when I graduated from college and passed the exam, but I want to see them happy because at last, they're able to have time for themselves to relax and enjoy.
How I pray that to happen. I will not stop until I reach that goal of mine.
Hope that this earning BCH will also be the one reason for me to reach my goals. I claim it.
Hope you like my composition tonight. I just share with you my thought on how a to make return for my parents. Do you think I will be able to buy those for them? Well, I hope so. Someday I will.
Thank Sir @Bjorn for being my first sponsor. 🥰
Can't believe that I will be able to have a sponsor here in read.cash. All I want is just to write my experiences and earn but here I am. I found friends and they're totally a stranger yet willing to help. 💜
Thank you so much.
Trust Issue
Have you tried to ask yourself why you're hesitant to trust a person again? Is there a time that you are just looking at the face of the person and your mind told you don't trust them?
I have this trust issue. I don't easily trust a person anymore. I only trust my Mama and Papa, I even sometimes don't trust my siblings, lol. I sometimes felt pity for my siblings when my trust issue strike when they have something to tell me and my mind tells that they're just lying and should not believe them. I am the eldest so I should understand them but I can't stop myself when this trust issue strike in time. But it doesn't mean that all the time, there are just times that I feel it for them. But I love them so much and I am still supporting them.
My trust issue started when I was a 6 grader. I have this trust issue towards my mother's side's relatives. My mother's siblings especially the eldest and the one next to her were not close to us. They are 6 siblings; 5 girls, and 1 boy. I don't understand why they don't understand each other and they quarrel almost the time. They're not rich and don't have a big land to be part of.
Their 2nd sibling is working in a convent as a cook. Every fiesta and Christmas, she will send money to her siblings included my mother, if she can't go home during those times. If 2nd sibling sends the money to my mother's two siblings, they were frowning while giving them money and take note, the money was always not intact but my mother stayed silent because, for her, it was only money, and she doesn't want to have war with her siblings because of money. I want to say something but I am just a child and as showing respect to others, I contain myself and shut my mouth. If their eldest sister and youngest went home to our town, we can't easily go and greet them at their house because my aunts were there. It is normal in a province that when someone came from Manila, the relatives will go to the house of the arrived person and greet but the truth is they will ask for something (Pasalubong). My father told us not to go there and stay away because of my mother's siblings.
It took two days when my Mama's Manang, the 2nd siblings of six, came to our house. She brought biscuits and food. She said why e didn't show up at Lola's house and my mother just apologizes and smile. My mother said that because they're busy but the truth is we're not going to show up there because of my two aunts.
One day, my mother's two siblings went to our house and got mad because our grandpa was sick. They want my Mom to be the one to look for him. My mom said okay. And there she was the one who sacrificed for taking care of Lolo though I have a little sister at that time. But my mother never said a single word. My father was talking to Mom but my mother always says that it's okay and that she's fine. I know my father was mad but he's containing himself not to burst out.
Sadly, my grandpa died. And my grandma told my Mom to take good care of the little farm our grandpa been tilling when he was still alive. My mother's siblings were fine with it but not my two aunts. They got mad at my Mom. My grandma told them that my Mom should be the one to take care of it because she was the one who's always with their father when going to the farm. My two aunts walked out of the house with hatred. It was the start where they always throw bad words to my Mom. Me as a child, I saw how they treated my Mom like trash. But my Mom didn't fight them instead she always says that we should pray for them. They didn't stop until one of them got sick. And know what's funny? The one they called for help is my Mom. I thought my Mom would decline but she's not. I saw them crying while Mom taking care of her sister until she recovered.
My Mom and I was a member of Legion of Mary, so every Sunday we went to the church before the Mass started because we'll have novena. After the mass, my Mom and her sister talked and they reconcile in front of the altar. I was touched by how they hugged my Mom. I thought it was the start of a good relationship with the siblings but I was mistaken.
After few months, they were back to what they are. I can't remember why and what's the reason but I saw how they threw money at my mother. They said that our family will crawl due to poverty and no one of my Mom's offspring will be able to finish their studies and we can't build a concrete house. All those painful words were carved in my heart until I get older. I promised myself that I will finish my studies and will show them we made it.
I am now a degree holder, thanks to God. A professional with a license. I made them realize they were wrong. Our house now was way different from our house before. It is now concrete, not that big but much better than theirs. My father did his best to have a decent house. Anyway, I am the first one who finished my studies in college, and my aunt's daughters and son didn't finish their studies.
Now, they were good to us. Always told that I might change. I will just smile at them. I may forgive but I can't forget.
I don't know how to trust them anymore. I know that they're just good to us now because we already reached something they thought we can't.
So it is the reason why I have this TRUST ISSUE.
Aiah's Day 4-25-2021
Waazzuupp everybody!!
So before I go to sleep, I want to share with you what had happened today. Hope no one will judge for what I have been feeling now.
So, here it is.
Early in the morning, I posted on Facebook and greeted everyone with a happy Sunday with my face on it. I never expect that my cousin will heart and comment on my post. She said, happy Sunday too, and called me dai again. It was their endearment for me.
Now, what made me wonder is that I knew she was mad at me. Her sister told me that last year, I think around November. I don't know why she got mad at me but her sister told me that it is because I am not replying to her messages which is my doing to everyone. I don't like messaging especially if it's not important. I am close with her sister, she was like my best friend/cousin. We jive and love each company but we don't understand why we can't be with her eldest sister. Maybe because she's so serious and we can't jive with her attitude.
I remember when we were children, she's always mad at me. That is why we can't be together because our attitudes were opposite.
***Flashback***...
*Together with my siblings, we went to Lola's house. We like to watched tv that time, cartoons.*
*While we were watching my cousin arrived, let us just call her J1, together with my close cousin J2. J2 sat beside me and my siblings, while J1 sat on the sofa and she shoos one of our cousins whose seating there. I felt pity for Edison but I did not bother to say a word. We continue watching but she changes the channel. I ask her why she changed it when we were watching. She said I don't have the right and then she told me that we should go home. Without hesitation, I told my siblings that we should go. When we are about to get out of the house, I heard her say that she doesn't like us because we're poor. I was hurt but didn't mind her. At the age of 9, I was opened about how they treat us as their relatives. Only J1 accepted us as their blood-related.*
*One day, my Aunt came to our house. She brought money for my mother given by my Aunt who's the eldest sister of them both. I wasn't expecting her to throw the money to the table and said "Oh, here's the money you ask Manang. You always ask for money from her. Have some shame will you?"*
*My mother got up from sitting on the floor. She said "I did not ask Manang Flora money. I don't know why she gave me that. If you're mad because of that money, you can have it." My Aunt just got out of our house together with J1. I don't know but J1 was like her mother and Ate J2 was different. They're different. Until now, I can still remember how they treated my mother.*
*It was painful seeing your mother cry. I told to myself that I will do everything to make our life comfortable and out of poverty. That I will finish my studies no matter what.*
*My Aunt and J1 always telling me that I can't finish my studies because we're poor. My father is an irregular construction worker and my mother is a plain housewife that sometimes labored on the farm. I know we're poor that is why I dream so high for my parents. I will dream because it's free and I will make it happen.*
*Since then, they treat my mother like trash. They didn't treat my mother well. That made me strong and I used it as a weapon to fight for life.*
***
Now that I am already a licensed professional, I saw how their treatment of us changed. Before, they despised us because we're poor. But now, they're like parasites ready to suck out our life.
They maybe think that I forgot what they have done to our family but no I didn't. Yes, I may forgive them but I can't forget.
Only Ate J2 is the person I can trust because she's different. She accepted as though we're poor. And until now we're best friends and though we're far from each other, we don't forget to talk on the phone or have some time for a video call.
Let's go back to the Facebook comments of J1.
I thought she's mad but now she's acting as nothing happened. She even told our other cousins that they should not talk to me nor like my post on Facebook. She's childish but I didn't care. Why? Because I don't want to waste my energy on some kind of people like her. I pity her for being like that.
I still remember when she boasts that she will finish her study when I have stopped schooling after high school while she was in college at that time. She was a first-year college. She laughs at me and said that my dream to become a teacher will remain as a dream. But after her first semester, she had stopped her studies because her parents can't afford it and after that, she went to Manila, and there she found a man who impregnated her thrice. But they can't be married because the guy was already married to another woman. In short, J1 my cousin was a mistress.
I don't know what to feel. I felt a little glad because she got the karma but felt pity at the same time. Maybe it was her destiny.
I was not yet married and I am younger than her for 2 years. I told myself that I will not marry until I finish my studies. And here I am, still not married. Lol!
Anyway, I just act as nothing happens. I still talked to her but that doesn't mean that I trust her. I am done with their drama. They can't fool me again.
So, that's what I've been feeling today towards my cousin. Hope you won't judge me.
Happy reading. :)
Thank you po for your generosity @Tenj adn @bjorn 😊
Laking tulong po nito. 😊
I've dreamt of you.
Had you ever experienced dreaming of someone or something you had before? I mean, that precious one you had before?
I had a boyfriend before and we're now off. We're best friends before we got into a relationship. I don't know if we had a relationship before because he said we had. He was so caring and concerned for me. I always depend on him. He is like shining armor and a prince for me, lol. It may be the effect of watching a fairytale.
My ex-boyfriend was close with my parents maybe because our parents were friends too. They thought that we're forever, chaaarr, lol. We hang out together with our friends. Have some food trips and road trips. All the good memories were there. And only one of the sad memories I cannot forget.
I know he was happy now with his new girl. And, I don't know why I felt happy for them, lol. Martyr! No, I am just a sport and I accepted already that we're not meant to be. We haven't seen for years now. He's a policeman now and has been working in Samar I guess. Oops! Don't think that way to me, I am not updated, it's just my parents told me so and her sister, lol.
They were one of the reasons why I chose to study away from our home town. It is because I don't see them before if K chose to study there in one school. Overacting right? Maybe because I was just hurt that time. I didn't expect that we're going to be apart just because of a girl.
Want to know why we broke up? Naah, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I already moved on and I have the love of my life now. The one who's been there for me and chose to love me with all my imperfections. I have already a boyfriend now who shows me how he loves me so much. He had done anything for me just to forget my ex. We are now 6 years in a relationship. We had encountered many trials in our relationship.
I thought I will not able to move on with my ex-boyfriend. It is because I had cried so much about him and our relationship. I was devastated and can't accept the fact that he betrayed me. Even our parents can't believe what had happened to us. His parents were still good to me. They want me to visit their house but I chose not to in respect to the girl who might get hurt if I go there.
When my boyfriend courted me before, I wasn't yet moved on that time and it was like a year after we broke up with my ex. I know that it was unfair to my boyfriend that I said yes to him though I don't love him I like him that time, I just can't explain the feeling because it's not the same as what I felt with my ex. I told myself before that I will accept and said yes to my boyfriend so that I can move on. Yes, I used him to move on. But what I did not expect is that I fall for my boyfriend in less than a week. It is because he was so kind and caring. We were both college students at that time with the same organization. He showed me how a boyfriend was. Yes, my ex also showed me he loves me but they're different. So different. Until now, I am madly in love with my boyfriend, he didn't change and still loving me despite the attitude I have. I am blessed to have him. My parents also love him. My ex and my boyfriend already met and they jive, lol. I done know why they got friends and they liked each other's company. It was during our fiesta in our barangay and my ex went to our home with his parents. My boyfriend and he talked like their friends and I am like, what? I am out of place at that time. So happy that everything was okay and back to normal.
These past few weeks, I don't know why I dreamt of my ex. I felt shy of myself and to my boyfriend why I had a dream of him. We're just talking in my dreams. It was like we're friends. I felt like I am betraying my boyfriend because of it. I don't want to dream about him. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. I love him so much and I don't want him to think that I still have not moved on because I did already.
Now, I am browsing the internet what's the meaning of it. But it has lots of opinions there so I just leave it there and do not think about it.
Did you ever experienced like mine? If so, you are welcome to write a comment, lol.
Aiah's Day 04-24-2021
Hello guys. I just want to share what happened for today and how blessed I am. Since I don't have something to write so please understands me. Lol.
Anyway, this morning I was so happy when my sister calls me. She said thank you for the cake I ordered for her daughter. She thanked me for the little amount of money I gave her for her daughter's birthday. My niece asked me a favor if I can buy her a cake for her birthday. I can say no to the baby so I said yes but don't know where to find the money.
Thankfully that I was given by the robot on my first article and also in noise. I was able to save some money for the sponsorship for my niece. Char! Actually for the cake and spaghetti only. My sister sends me the picture of my niece on my messenger.
She only has a little food to celebrate. It's okay, the more important is that she's healthy. Someday, I will be able to give her more than that when I have work. For now, since I am unemployed, J can only give her a little.
So happy to see my niece smiling while looking at the cake. It is the first time that I gave her something on her birthday. And I can't explain what I feel.
I admit that I and my sister was not in a good relationship since she had a relationship with the father of my niece. She was once a black sheep of the family. She chose the guy over her family. I saw how my parents were devastated and almost our family got broken.
At first, I can't accept my sister especially when she got home while she's pregnant. She said the guy will not take responsibility. I was in a rage at the fact that I did not go home and just stayed at my boarding house. I am a college student at that time. I cannot accept her apology though our parents told me that she's been depressed and that she wants us to reconcile. But I can't forget what she did to our family especially to me. They did not respect me together with his ex-boyfriend. I told myself I will not accept her and the baby.
*Flashback*.
*But during Christmas 2017, I went home. Together with my boyfriend. I just came from my boarding house. I did not go home for 5 months because I don't want to see her. It was Christmas, Dec. 25. I celebrated Dec.24 in my boyfriend's house together with his family at that time. I saw my sister at the door, sitting on the chair. I just passed as if I didn't see her. I saw her big tummy. I went to the kitchen where my mother and father talking while eating. They were surprised because they thought I will not go home. I kissed them on the cheek and greeted them with Merry Christmas.*
*They said if I had seen my sister outside and I said yes. They said that I should talk to my sister because it's Christmas. I am the eldest, so I should be the one to talk to her, that was what they said. I am hesitant and said that she should be the one to talk to me.*
*My ninang went to our house and hug me. She said that I should go to their house where my sister went off. She was crying there. My ninang said I should talk to her, they're afraid that something might happen to the baby because she's been crying since the day I got mad at her.*
*When I went to ninang's house, I saw her there crying. Not moving on the couch. I walked towards her. She stood up and was about to kneel in front of me. I pulled her arms and said don't kneel to me because I am not a saint. I just hugged her and cried. I felt pity for her. She's repeating herself saying "Sorry Ate, I am sorry." I said her to hush and it's okay. I felt numb and can't breathe at that time. Maybe because of pain. I was about to collapse but someone got me. I saw my boyfriend and said thanks before I saw anything. I know, I am always like that if I am mad and in pain. When I woke up, I saw my parent's worried faces and I said I'm okay to give assurance to them.*
After that incident, we're back to normal with my sister. She made it up to. Her daughter was with my parents and they are the ones who took care of my niece. My sister now is pregnant for her second baby with her husband. I don't know where is his ex-boyfriend who made our life in trouble last year 2016. Now, we are in a good relationship with my siblings.
Today is a blessing to me because I can make my family smile in my little way. I can give a little amount for our needs. Thanks to read. cash and noisecash.
I am also happy because I was given a free trip to share with other users. It only means that I can earn more too with those tips. Hope it will long last because it's a big help.
So, that's what my day today. I am just doing noise. cash and now I writing this in reading. cash. Hoping that the robot will see this.
Help the breadwinner.
To belong to a poor family is not easy. You will think that you will happy in a short period but most of all problems consumed your life. Struggles every day seem to get worst. The needs sometimes can't be achieved. Need to work yourself overtime to earn enough for the family.
I belong to a poor family. I cannot blame my parents because they also belong to such a family. The difference is that my parents want to succeed in life and want their children to be successful while their parents before were just contented with what they have and seem don't want to left their life even a little. My parents support me and my siblings with our studies because they don't want us to experience the life they have been through. Though I had stopped for 3 years after my high school days, I can finish it. Now that I'm already a graduate, I will be the one to support my sibling's studies.
I graduated last 2 years ago and currently looking for a job. I want to work because I want to help my parents. I witnessed their hardships just to give what we need. They have said many apologies because they can't afford our needs sometimes. It's so heartbreaking when your parents do apologize because they're poor. The reason why I did my best to enter college and finish my studies.
On my graduation day, I saw how happy they are. They can't believe that they made it. For me, they made it because without them, I cannot graduate. I saw them cried because of joy. I am very proud of them.
For now, I am looking for a job. However, because of the pandemic last year I was not able to find work until now. That is why I am accepting tutorials for students. They will pay per hour. The fee is not big because I understand the situation due to pandemics. I am glad that I can help other people too. Glad that I earning though I am not employed yet.
I can give money to my parents for our food. It's really hard to live nowadays during a pandemic. The money I received from my tutorial is not enough. So, I tried looking for a job online. There are many platforms to join. But, I don't have money for the registration fee. So, I looked for free sites that really pays. Until I found noisec.cash which my friend introduce to me. At first, I don't understand because I don't know what's BCH and what is crypto. Though I don't understand yet, I tried noise.cash. i just followed her instruction. Was happy because I earned noise.cash. However, I don't earn big amount there because I don't have more friends there. So, I am browsing the internet looking for a platform that pays when you write a story or article. Though I am not in writing, I tried. Maybe because I am frustrated to have an extra income for my family. Until I found read.cash in noise.cash, many users there posting their article they wrote in read.cash so I tried it. It is my 3rd day in read.cash. I thought I will not be rewarded but I am glad that I saw the notification bell on red. So happy that I earn here. So, I decided to write more. It will be a big help for me and my family.
I am not really the breadwinner of the family but my father. But, I'm happy that I can help him with our needs. Though the amount I gave is not big, at least I made things to help. For now, I am thankful with my earnings in tutorial. And I am hoping that I will be able to gain more through writing stories here in read.cash.
Someday, I will be the one to provide for my family's needs when I got a regular job. For now, this blessing I have now is helpful.
I will not quit because life is hard and things went wrong. Everything will be in a good and smooth way soon. For now, I will accept the struggle and face this challenge. It will make me strong.
For my family, I will do everything for them. Might be hard but I know someday it will be worth the fight.
The cover image was from unsplash.
Happy reading.
The Dream I want to fulfill.
Since a child, I never thought of quitting. For me, quitting is for the weak and I don't want to be weak. I need to be strong because I want to fulfill my dreams. My dreams for my parents.
I am the eldest, we are four siblings in the family. I feel the pressure of being the eldest. All in my mind is to pursue my goals or my family.
My parents are not professional yet they able to raise us with their not-so-easy work. My father is an irregular construction worker and my mother is a housewife. My father doesn't have regular work, so if he doesn't have work, he will stay at our house and do some errands. My mother wants to work as a housemaid but my father won't let her. So she stayed at home and took care of us.
When I was an elementary student, O saw how hard our life was. I saw how my parents struggle for us to have something to eat at our table. My father is so skinny, until now because he works a lot. I told him to take care of himself because health is wealth.
I still remember the day, I and my father talked heart to heart. He asked me what I want to be when I grow up. I told him, I want to finish my study so that he will not work anymore, and I will also build a big house for him and mama. I saw him teary-eyed and said that he's hoping he can make my dream come true. He also promised that no matter what, he will do his best for me to finish my study too. Since that day, I have always put in mind that I need to finish my study no matter how hard it would be.
When I went to high school, it was not good also. Lol, but you know what, I said to myself that maybe I am just an unfortunate person because I always suffer. I mean, I want to achieve my dreams yet I need to experience hardships first. I need to struggle just to have my dreams in life. As a high school student, it was not easy. I need to interact with other students but I am not into such because I am shy. I don't talk to my classmates either. I am so focused on my studies. Maybe because all in my head is to reach my goals for my parents. Every time we have a contribution need to pay, I am hesitant to ask my father for money. So, to have my penny, I sell munchkin and pastillas. Since then, I earn friends aside from earning money. So glad that I am earning while studying in high school, I can sustain my needs in school. At least, I can help my parents in that little way.
After I graduated from high school, I wasn't able to study in college. It took years before I studied college. Before entering college, I worked as a saleslady first. And, I save my salary because I want to study. So, after 3 yrs, I took college.
When I was a college student, I experienced that it was not easy. I don't know how I endured the hardships as a college student. 4 years of survival. My parents always apologized cause sometimes they can't give me allowance especially then my father has no work. So, again, I find ways to survive. Sometimes, I borrowed my cousin's money who is a teacher in our university. So glad, he's willing to help. He will lend me money if I have contributions to pay. I also sell beauty soap, glad that I was able to find money as my capital. The money I used was the book allowance I got at school when I was one on the Dean's List. Fortunately, my little business helped me with my studies. I am thankful also to my classmates and other students who bought my products. After 4 years, I graduated from college. I saw how happy my parents are. They can not believe that they have now a graduate daughter. I took education so hope to be a teacher someday.
I am now applying for a teacher 1. Hoping and praying that I will be hired this year. Because I want to fulfill my dreams for my parents. My ambition might be so high, but glad that little by little I am moving forward. Soon, I will achieve my goals for my parents. Especially the house they want. Our house until now is I little.
Yesterday, there was a typhoon, and I was afraid our house might collapse. I saw some roofs of our neighbors were flying because the wind was so strong. We are living at the top of the hill, so we can feel how strong the wind was. While looking at our house, I told myself that soon, I will make this house strong. I will give my parents the life they deserve.
To dream for your parents is like showing how you love them. I still have four siblings to help but I will also let them experience how to graduate from college. I also want them to fulfill their dreams in life.
My first ever published story. Wish me luck. 😊😊😊
Cover image from Pixabay.
Hello, I am Aiah, a newbie. Just saw this platform in noise.cash.
I saw many users there posting about their writings. I will try this platform, might also earn. It would be a big help for me if my writings wil be successful and be given.
@Aiah_05
