Yesterday (June 18, 2021), was a tough day for me since the day I stayed here in read.cash. Last night, while lying in bed holding my blanket soak with my tears, (luha lang ahh walang kasamang sipon) chaaarrrot drama, because of the fear consuming me inside for someone I don't know. Maybe it's just normal cause it's first time for me. It's my first time to join a platform and glad that it's legit, and then it's my first time that someone did that to me.
I never thought that I will love this platform after it helped me this time of pandemic. It may be overacting for other people, it's true that I am grateful with read.cash. I am not active with noise.cash lately but today, I am so much active today and I am glad that I able to receive heart values.
Okay, done with chitchats. So, why does my title "Remembering the Old Aiah"? It is because last night, I able to think of things after I got affected with someone's doing. Who would have thought that the old Aiah will shown last night?
These are Aiah's characteristics before. The old me:
I don't know why but I easily cry for little things. I easily got hurt and so sensitive. I overcome this one when I was in college at the age of 19. I told my self that I should not be sensitive and stop my self to be a crybaby. That I should be strong in facing challenges and trials in life. I stopped my self as a crybaby cause I noticed that some people making this as my weakness and they love fooling me around cause they know that I easily hot hurt and cry. Note, my own relatives were the one who always made me cry. So, I change my self to better.
But last night, the old Aiah showed up. I never thought that I will cry with that little encounter. Maybe because I was afraid I may able not to receive anymore rewards from my hard work here. I am afraid because lots of consequences were running in my mind, some what if's and many more. I am afraid because I am so frustrated nowadays. I am frustrated to earn for my family. It's hard this time of pandemic. The only light I found during pandemic is read.cash for my family. It helps me a lot that I able to give my parents the needs we need for daily living. Sound's funny for others but for me it's not. My goal here is to save BCH for good future and for our daily needs. I am splitting my earning to two.
I am a nervous person. Even during college, I felt that nervousness and sometimes I can't control it especially in facing many people. But glad I overcome it since I need to be thick faced in front of my future students. But last night, my nervousness strikes. It's been so long that I felt nervous. Due to my nervousness, I chatted my friends to ease what I feel. I actually don't know what to feel last night but the nervousness was consuming me. I am just fortunate that I able to find virtual Friends and they helped me. Guys, I may not able to mention you one by one but from the bottomest (meron ba nun, luka-luka, bottom lang hahaha) of my heart, I am thankful to all of you. Thanks for the help guys.
I know, I've shown my weakness last night. I even wrote a short article last night out of uncontrolled feelings. I read it this morning, I felt a little shame cause it's like I am begging. But what can I do? And, I am just happy cause despite of the weakness I showed last night, no one dare to make fun of me. Thank you for that.
I am just a little bit amazed cause rusty gave me to that article I made. How generous it was.
No one wants to show weakness to others cause they might use it against you. But last night, I never thought that my old self will showed because of someone who's a total stranger. It's my first time to encounter a man who showed his attitude in dragging people down because his opinion was not accepted by others. It is okay to express what you feel but always remember not to drag other people down. Cause at the end of the day, it is your downfall and not the person you've been attacking in to.
Since I already had enough from that little encounter, I need to move on and keep doing what makes me happy. And that is to write and express my feelings and thoughts.