Envious Self

May 22, 2022 20:58pm

Good evening readtizen! Hows your sunday? Did you spent it with your family or you are still working on sundays, and have a weekdays as day off.

This afternoon, while Adrielle is having her nap I started my article but I was so distracted while writing and also my neighbors are so noisy discussing some family issue in our frontyard, so I just stop writing and convince myself that I should take my off today from writing(dami ko tamad this month).

What I did was lay beside Adrielle and play with her. Then my partner who is inside the room go out after he heard us laughing, then he did a sign language and it was about his white hair. He is asking me to remove some of her white hair. So I get up and he is the one who lay beside Adrielle

Maybe about an hour of removing some of his white hair, then he ask me to look at his ear as it is so itchy then I did, after that his fingernail, I am the one who did the cutting of his fingernail coz his eyes look blurred when doing it by himself.

After it was done I ask him to treat us for milktea, to return all the favors I did for him, but he never moved so my mood starts to swing, coz I want us to have a simple family bond but I was disappointed as he never grant my wish, instead he go out and went to his workmate, so I was so feeling depressed while writing this, that even my appetite for dinner were gone.

Then when he came, he saw me feeding Adrielle with dinner and he ask me why I am not eating but I did not reply. Then he keeps on talking that the place where I wanted to buy milktea is full of customers so he did not buy, but I did not say any words, then he go out.

After 20minutes he came back with cook viand and a pint of ice cream, but I did not eat any of it, as I was not in mood already. I just feed Adrielle a small amout if ice cream and keep it. Then he ates his dinner and he went out again.

But I was really starving and looking for some easy to cook food that might bribg back my appetite but I dont know what, so I just cook one piece of hotdog, then 1 piece of boiled banana and thats it.

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Sorry for ranting guys, its just I am so envious with others, coz their head of the family is a family man, family first, or spend the day/ day offs with thier loved ones, tbey go out to play, eat and enjoy the day, or even juat inside the house prepare something to eat and enjoy, but it never happened to us, its always me and Adrielle tbrought out the day 24/7. If I remember it right the last time we went out and enjoy as family was when Adrielle is one year old and thats it. Most of the time its just me and Adrielle who went out to play and eat together.

Sometimes, I want to really leave him alone and stay with my family coz I know if we are there Adrielle can enjoy so much coz they love going out and have fun, but since Adrielle is growing and also looking for her tatay so it bothers me to keep her away from her tatay, haysst!

There are times that I am convincing myself that this is the reality, and accept the truth that my partner will not be like others who prioritize their family more than his friends but sometimes part of me is telling to try again and maybe I will be lucky and we can have a family bonding but still it was a wrong move.

Maybe he will not change, maybe he is more of his friends than our family and thats the reality that I need to accept.