Because you didn't want to lose him, you lost yourself in the process. You became a girl who kept being mistreated and you formed a habit of saying "I'm used to it". You became a girl who kept being unappreciated and you began to tell yourself "It's okay". You became a girl who kept being undervalued and you learned how to say "I'm fine". You became a girl who kept being put last and you naturally reacted with "It's whatever". You became a girl who kept being taken for granted and you dealt with it by repeating "Everything's okay". You became a girl who kept being unhappy and you regularly told people "I'm gonna be fine". And if you're reading this right now, then you need to understand that no guy is worth losing yourself for, no guy is worth suffering for at the expense of your happiness, and no guy is worth tormenting yourself over for the sake of making him happy. At this point, perhaps losing him is the only way you'd be able to get yourself back because as much as you wouldn't want this to be true, he's the only thing that's in your way of finding yourself and he's the only reason you've lost yourself for so long.