So many people come into my office with broken hearts from struggling or failed relationships. They conclude that love hurts, that love and passion can not exist in the same relationship, or that you should not give your heart away completely or you'll get hurt.

They start to associate love with pain.

But does love really hurt?

It may seem that love is the cause of a lot of your pains and heartbreaks. However, the truth is that love has never hurt you. And never can. Love is a powerful emotion that brings out the best in us, that elevates our spirits. Why else are we always looking for this crazy, little thing called love?

So if love doesn't hurt, then what is causing the pain in our relationships?

It is whatever takes love away.

Here are some causes that takes our love away:

1. Hurtful words

2. Broken promises

3. Needs not being met

4. Misunderstandings

And other causes that penetrate a deeper wound like

5. Lies

6. Deceptions

7. Betrayal

8. Selfishness

9. Abandonment

10. Any form of abuse

Essentially, it is not love that hurts us.

In fact, love is a beautiful, powerful energy we are driven to seek. However, what I have found is that while we all looking for love, we do not always know how to keep and protect our love from being harmed. What hurts, then, is when we do not know how to love... it is like building a home without having the proper tools to construct it.

Love uses tools such as: compassion, selflessness, consideration, thoughtfulness, kindness, empathy, generosity, understanding, attentiveness...

And just like a home, love needs maintenance. You can not expect love to stick around if you do not take care of it. Your foundation will crumble.

So if ever you've been hurt, do not blame love for your pain... Mainly because if you do, you are going to fear it and push it away when it tries to come back again, causing you continued pain.

Love is the antidote of pain and heals all wounds. It makes you trust again, makes you believe in the wonders of connection again and in the possibilities that anything you want can happen.

So, if you want to keep love in your life, make sure you have the right tools... and that you're using them.