A touch speaks volumes. It is communication in itself. When you hold someone's hand, and do it with sincerity, that simple gesture will send a message so strong to the other person.

Not everyone is a touch person. Some are quick to pull away when someone reaches out in the act of touching them. Others are simply uncomfortable having another human being in their space.

But for someone in grief, being held by the hand is a source of comfort. No words need to be exchanged. Mere presence, even amid silence, and that warmth provided by a touch can help relieve the ache in one's heart.

And even the most reticent person can use a touch during their darkest hours, and have been known to accept this comforting gesture and found relief afterwards.

Shaking hands

I pay attention to handshakes. While it is a form of courtesy, it is more than good manners to shake someone's hand. Anything less than a sincere handshake will give you an unpleasant perception about the individual.

Many years ago while working in the newspaper, movie stars would be invited to the office during the company's anniversary. During breaks from putting the paper to bed, I get dragged around the premises, and when I'm with an entertainment reporter, chances are we would run into an actor or two, who drop by for the celebration or to entertain employees and their families.

I will never forget this actress precisely because of her handshake. She was with her handler, I think, and when we were all introduced, the handler extended her hand and shook mine. Actress was forced to follow suit, but when I held her hand, it felt like handling overcooked noodles!

Yes, it was that limp. She merely touched the top of my fingers rather than clasp my hand fully. So I pulled my hand back quickly. It would have been more preferable if she simply said 'hi' and did away with the handshake. I wouldn't have taken it against her. Instead, I felt insulted like I was some giggly fan hankering for attention!

On the flipside, I've been introduced to politicians who are so eager and full of themselves that they grip your hand so tightly like they would when campaigning for votes.

A good handshake, to my mind, is a full clasp of the hand, firm, and maybe two or three small pumps. An extra squeeze conveys sincerity and when they look you in the eye at the same time means they are trying to connect with you. A smile wouldn't hurt, too.

Holding a hand

My dad wasn't really touchy-feely but on special occasions he always greets us with a tight hug. I know he met a lot of people in the conduct of business, many of them very important folks. So, I'm sure he has proper handshakes down pat.

But I've never known him to be a hand-holder. He was more the type to put an arm around your shoulder while walking or give you a quick tap on the arm to console you.

When he was hospitalized after suffering a stroke, there was a time when his nose would not stop bleeding due to ruptured blood vessels. Imagine how much pain he was in while hooked to a cannula oxygen, then being suctioned almost every two hours to clear his passages of blood and mucus.

It was during those two or three days (it took a while to determine what was causing the bleeding and he was only given the go signal for surgery to cauterize the blood vessels a few days after) that he would be gripping my hand for support.

Touch for a lifetime

I use the word grip because that is exactly what he did to my hand each time a nurse would perform the suctioning of fluids for about 5 to 10 minutes. It was always a bone-crushing grip that signified not only his pain (his threshold for pain is very high), but I am sure terror over what he was experiencing.

Prior to that hospitalization, my father has never held my hand. But in those few days when he was profusely bleeding, the handholding he gave me would last me a lifetime.

Each time he clutched my hand, I could feel his confusion, fear and intense pain pouring out of him. And I knew however painful the grip was, I would endure it just to make him feel that he was not alone in his ordeal. How I wish I could take away what he was feeling.

Later towards the end of his life and he was mostly unconscious, I would sit on his bed and just hold his hand to tell him I was there and would not leave his side.

That's why I put a high premium on hand-holding. If you can't give me a sincere touch or handshake, I would appreciate it more if you didn't attempt to do it at all. I would only feel bad and not think well of you. Perhaps you are not a touch person at all, and I would respect that.

I am always willing to offer a hand, a touch for anyone who needs assurance, reassurance and comfort. My hand, I like to believe, is built for it. A sincere handshake, a warm touch, even a hug I can share with all my heart.

Don't take for granted the power of your hands.

(All photos from Unsplash)