When I look back on my high school days, it dawns on me that unlike most teenagers who found lifelong friends while in secondary school, I simply discovered myself.

Well, I have never really been the type to make best friends since I was young. I can be friendly, although I come off as aloof most of the time. Then, it was due to my being shy. Now, I just have a strong sense of being able to read people so I have become reserved.

Strike up a conversation with me, and I'll respond, or even turn chatty if it interests me enough to talk. Otherwise, I can be quite content being on my own and just silently observe what is going on around me. Thus, I have the tendency to see so many things after 30 minutes of lining up.

Perhaps it was always because I gravitated more towards adults when I was younger so unless it was play or school activities, I rarely hang out with people my age. So unlike most people on the planet who have 'besties' I just know a lot of people, have a number of acquaintances, and keep very few DEAR friends. There is no best friend to my recollection.

Singing and acting

So how did I spend my time in high school if not to hang out and make friends?

On my freshman year, I was involved with the glee club. And since we participated in an inter-school choral competition around Christmas time, much of my free time after classes was spent rehearsing for that.

Studies never took a back seat for me, regardless of the extra-curricular activities I chose to be involved in. So I was diligent when it came to homework, and projects, and anything school-related. And I still had time to get together with neighborhood friends after.

It is no joke rehearsing for a choral competition. First you learn the entire piece you need to perform. Then it's studying your vocal section, which will have to blend with all the other voices. And only then can you proceed to polish the performance.

I didn't really think much about winning (it was my first competition), but I was aware that I needed to give 100 percent effort to come up with a spectacular performance. Who knew what would happen on the day itself, or who you would be up against?

So for several days over the next two months, I think, we would rehearse, and go home much later than usual. Needless to say, our efforts did pay off some - we ended up third place beating 15 other schools that participated. It was a complete shock to everyone, because we had just formed the choir that year and most of those competing already were a gelled group.

And then it was the theater club. There were mini-workshops and activities and a play to keep us busy. The improvisational play was also for competition. The challenge there was the venue - far away Manila (Fort Santiago to be exact), which meant a commute of at least an hour each way.

That was fun, too. And because we also finished second or third in the competition, I was chosen to participate in the summer theater workshop that enabled me my first visit to a jail. (My Prison Visits)

Since I was the sole representative of the club for that summer workshop, it was my turn to be a facilitator in the club during my sophomore year. This is what pre-occupied my time during my second year in high school.

Cadet training

My third year was the most challenging after I decided to sign up for the Cadet Corps training. That was like six or seven months of training, so I had to drop out of glee club and theater club for the meantime.

Between training and studying, it was quite an intense year. Yes, I had buddies (we were never allowed to walk by ourselves around campus so I was always with one fellow trainee while in school, walking in cadence, throwing a salute or greeting our officers while walking in the corridors) but I can't remember that I really had one close friend.

I was a friend to everyone of my co-trainees because we had a shared goal and experiences. And we always had to have each other's backs. But to say I shared stuff with them outside of training, there was none of that.

Through bivouac camps and a summer of training at the armed forces base, I made it as a platoon leader of Charlie company. I was unable to attend the final interview for the training, which may have botched my chances for a higher position.

Leader and nurturer

But I loved being a platoon leader, and loved my platoon, the members of which loved me back, even if I made them march under the scorching heat of the sun, or made them squat under the sun for 10 minutes. I am, by nature, a nurturer so while I am also tough, I cared and that earned me their loyalty and respect.

While there were several other higher positions than mine, I would often be called to take over, especially during command exercises. Other than the discipline and leadership skills ingrained in me during training, I feel people (not just in my batch) took me seriously and looked up to me as well.

By then, I was elected president of the theater club (I gave up glee club), and would run workshops and direct a play on top of my corps duties and school responsibilities. So it was a very hectic fourth year for me.

No besties

Through all those activities, I never quite made a friend who I could classify as close or dear. But many would often approach me seeking advice, or just to have a shoulder to lean on. I was good at that.

So, when we graduated from high school and all the extra curricular activities had wrapped up, I just felt grateful for every opportunity I had or was given to discover my talents, my limits, develop my skills and just grow as an individual. And all these I took with me to college, where I still did not develop close friendships but made many acquaintances.

I'm weird, aren't I?

To this day, I have found close friends, the number of which I can count on one hand, but never a best friend. Do I find that lonely, or a flaw? Not really. I'm quite content being who I am, knowing who I do, and caring for those who need to be cared for.

But if anyone ever needed a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or just someone to listen, you can call on me, even if I wasn't your best friend.

All photos from Unsplash