I'm going to level with you. This post is going to terrify you a little. It's about an experience I had with sleep paralysis. You see, everyone experiences sleep paralysis differently. Some people never experience it, others might sneak in an episode once a year or so — others may live most of their lives under its tyrannical rule of sleepless nights and unsettling terrors.
To tell my story, there are a few things you need to understand about me. First, I'm an incredibly light sleeper. If a mouse farts in the other room, I know about it...and so does my dog who was named for her hearing abilities. Second, I'm a stress case. Really, it's shocking how much stress and worry affect my mind and body - even if I try to control them.
Last night I had a really strange and horrifying experience in bed. It was really scary, and my first time ever experiencing it (I think). I've had a lot of problems with insomnia for the past year or so, and last night's experience took it to a whole new level! Sleep Paralysis. Imagine being wide awake, looking around and not being able to move. You can't scream, you can't move, you can't blink; even your chest doesn't rise when you breathe. I didn't know what was happening to me. The lack of sleep and stress started to take a toll on me physically. I think I’m going to have nightmares for weeks.
It started when I was asleep, and then all of a sudden, I woke up and couldn’t move! It was like my body had stopped working or something. Then it got worse. MUCH worse. I heard footsteps outside my door, getting closer and closer until they were right in front of me… and then they just stopped. The footsteps didn’t move away or do anything else; they just stopped moving, like whoever was making them had suddenly decided to stand there forever.
Then I heard this whispering sound that seemed to be coming from all around me but it was too quiet to make out any words. And it sounded eerily familiar, like maybe I should know what it meant but couldn’t quite place it.
I tried to scream for help, but even though my mouth was open and ready to yell, no sound came out. After trying again and again with no success, the whispering got louder—but not any clearer—and I felt more afraid than ever before.
I started to count backwards from 100. It didn't help at all! Then I tried singing songs in my head, but they were all sad songs and they only made me feel worse! Finally I tried focusing on my breathing like people say will work when you're stressed out but it didn't work either! The next thing I knew, it was morning! Once I realized that, I thought "Oh good, I'm awake!" But then the night's events came flooding back to me.
It felt like the first time in my life that I truly understood what it meant to be paralyzed; even though my body was still, my mind was racing faster than it ever had before. As you can probably imagine, this made for a very unsettling day at work. I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep well again!
What sleep paralysis teaches us is that we should never ever take our rest for granted. The next time you snooze without fail, the next time you take a nap without a care in the world, just remember this article and know that it could all be taken away from you in an instant. Sometimes it just takes a minor change to your circumstances to throw off your equilibrium and send you into an entirely different state of being. To think that one passing thought, one tossed and turned moment, one fumbled alarm clock can change your entire life it's too astounding to be believed, but it happened to me, and it can happen to anyone else out there.
Lead image from Fabiosa
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That feeling is very frightening. When it happens, I force my head or my fingers move. After that, I will pray and pray because sometimes, even if you have moved, you might experience it again and again. So indeed, prayer is powerful.