Recently I have been thinking so much about marriage, not because I will be getting married anytime soon but because I have lots of people around who are and those still in the planning phase.
For this reason, I just see myself reminiscing all the marriage rites and everything that was done during my aunties and uncles' marriage ceremony.
I was a very young child by then and I am certain not to have known much about those marriage rites but as I grew up, I learned more about marriage and marriage rites and a few things about it. I believe as I grow more, I will find out more about those things.
Today I thought of sharing about our marriage conduction and demands. I want you all to have a glance at how marriage ceremonies are conducted in my culture and tribe. I am an Ibibio girl so you should be expecting Ibibio Marriage Rituals.
I will tell you most of the things you need to know about our culture and how we conduct our marriages here.
Marriage Process And Rites
NDIDIONG UFOK
The first stage in the process of marriage is what we call Ndidiong Ufok in my language which means Knowing The House. Does it sound a bit funny lol? In my culture that is the very first step and thing to do. During this stage, the groom's family, some members of the family will get to know the family of the bride and where they are going to marry the bride from, and possibly most of the things they seek to know about the bride and her family.
NKONG UDOK
Nkong Udok is the second stage and what this actually means in English is Knocking On The Door. Now this stage is when the groom's family makes a formal declaration of their intentions. And what are those intentions? It is that they are seeking their daughter's hand in marriage. They usually go along with a few items like palm wine, bitter kola, etc. It is also during this stage that the marriage list is given out to the groom's family. This list consists of things they need to buy and things they are to pay for.
UNÓ MKPO
This is when the items listed are given to the bride's family. Uno Mkpo means Giving Something and what are those things? If you really wish to know, come and marry from my tribe then you will know hahaha.
This stage is when the prospective groom delivers all the marriage items to the family of the proposed bride.
And this action is very significant among the Ibibio people; my tribe because this is to show or mark the level of seriousness of the prospective groom towards his bride-to-be.
These three stages are very important before going into the marriage proper. And we call it USORO NDO which is Traditional Marriage So before the main Traditional Marriage, the above three stages must be well executed.
TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
During the Traditional Marriage, before the bride is finally handed over to the groom, there are certain things that are usually done on that ceremony day and I am going to list them out.
Opening Entertainment
In opening entertainment, the groom’s direct entourage, not all invited guests are escorted by maidens or women of the bride’s family to the sitting room in the family house. And in the sitting room, assorted types and varieties of food are displayed before the groom's family. I still remember this during my aunty's marriage ceremony. lol.
The essence of such an opulent display is to assure the groom and his entourage that the prospective bride knows a lot about food and will thus feed her husband well.
The varieties of food displayed are usually; boiled and sliced cassava chippings (edita iwa), cassava fofo, pounded yam with assorted soups and in the modern era, fried rice garnished with salad, roasted palm fruits (aduek eyop), palm kernel seeds (isip), etc.
Negotiation Phase
This phase is usually the most exciting. This phase always comes with the need for profuse employment of proverbs, repartees, tropes, fables, jokes, anagrams, and once in a while outright clowning. Unfortunately, modern trends have gradually cut from the time used for negotiations in the past decade to the present time when it has been completely eliminated. Everything requested, given, and accepted is done days before the public is invited.
But in the olden days and how it used to be done before, two friendly but ‘warring’ parties are arranged opposite each other as the negotiating teams of the bride’s family and the groom’s family. What the bride’s family takes into the house in terms of quantity and quality ultimately depends on the skill of the chief negotiators on either side rather than on the “List” earlier submitted and even discussed in private by the two families.
The Search
This part got me laughing because I remember when I was a child, I was used as the bride during my aunty's marriage ceremony. In our culture, during the search, the bride isn't supposed to come out on the first call. It is always either a small child is taken out or an adult lady is taken out to meet the groom, then the groom would reject saying that it isn't his wife before the real wife is brought out from her hiding place.
A better explanation to this phase is that;
The bride, being a very precious being, is ‘hidden’ till the scenes regarding requests, offer, and acceptance of items in the ‘List’ have played themselves out in full. The groom’s team, about now becoming impatient and getting restive, openly demands the appearance of the subject of their mission – the bride. They are told to organize a search party, during which a woman in the bride’s family will be persuaded to lead the search team. She makes demands, makes at least two trips, appearing with females other than the bride (usually an old woman and later a little girl).
By the third trip, the bride is escorted by a long dance train comprising females of her age group, friends, and family. The bride is usually elaborately dressed and decked with trinkets and bracelets from the hair to the ankles. It is a triumphant moment for both parties after a long battle of wits.
Seeking Parents' Blessing
After the real bride is matched out from her hiding. The couples are made to seat down while the ceremony kicks off properly. And during this process, a glass of wine is given to the bride to go and seek for her parent's blessing and that of the groom's family, and then finally the groom. The essence of going around with the wine is that each parent will take a sip of the wine, and then utter words of prayers to their daughter and her husband before the husband takes the last sip to seal those prayers upon their lives.
The Nuptial Dance
This phase marks the end of the marriage ceremony of joining the two couples together. The new couple dances to music supplied by a band set or traditional dance group. While money is being sprayed on them and other people, family, friends, and loved ones come out to dance with them and share in their joy.
There are other minor performances that are done or carried out during the marriage ceremony which I haven't mentioned here.
But with these few things, I am sure you have a glimpse of what a typical Ibibio Traditional Marriage is or what it looks like.
This is My Culture! My Tribe!
