Every parent wants the best for their children. We do what we think are the best but we sometimes don't realize that we're getting over the limit. I mean, for example one parent easily gives in to her child's tantrum though she made a consequence yet she didn't stand firm to it. So she just gives what the child wants just to make him stop of throwing tantrums. This gives a signal to the child that it's okay to do so because it's the only way he can have what he wanted.
I don't usually post stuffs like this (parenting topics and child development) because I know myself that I am only cheating myself. It's like not practicing what you preach because I am a bad mother. I feel guilty everytime I read anything about such topics. And anxiety would put me on a roller coaster until I feel my chest is pounding, I feel uneasy and the need for back massage is very bad. Overwhelming it is.
Why? I just don't know, I really feel ashamed of myself because even for a short time I have learned the development of a child in college and yet seems I can't understand my child, my eldest. I am just so hard on him which am not on his two younger siblings.
Just like what I've said, I gave and did the best because I want him to grow well mannered which I can see is the other way around. Every time I set limits, his father would always argue about it that when the child showed a bad behaviour, he would react in a harsh way.
My eldest is already 7 and I keep on thinking on what could be some effective aproach so that he would listen and obey me. Honestly, I yelled and spanked him in the past which I observed made him more defiant. Everytime I do, I feel guilt consuming my every conscience which made me cry at the end. Of course, I am not tolerating his bad behaviors. I am just thankful that he doesn't get what isn't his which I was able to correct when he tried getting some coins just to buy junk foods.I used to pack him snacks which he later ignored because his father is giving him money so that he won't feel envious of his classmates who have money to buy junk foods as snack during recess time. We had a big argument about it and I felt I was useless because no words of mine were acknowledged. This is one example of teaching what is right but was being ignored by the other, thus building a bad behaviour in a child.
Tolerating bad behaviors of a child has a big impact and it affects them in adulthood because it is what they had grown to.
Let's take for example one of my paternal cousin who was recently discharged from the hospital due to concussions he acquired when one of his drinking buddy hit him with a wood on the back of his head. He stayed in the hospital for almost three weeks because of the severity of the damage. Thankfully they transferred him to a regional hospital because the other hospital said it's nothing serious though they admitted him with blood coming out on his ears and nose.
This relative was boastful that he always make troubles when drunk . He has a very bad cut of a tongue that would make anyone like to hit him. In short he's a trouble maker. Even when not in the spirit of alcohol if he really wants to put up a fight, he would. Shameless was he when one time he kept spitting out words without any valid reason towards our neighbor which my parents or any of us never did. Thankfully my father was there and stopped his intruding act. Unfortunately, this young man reported it to his father, my father's younger brother. My uncle then came like they were the victim.
They were being kunsintidor to their children's bad behaviors that even if they were adult they still doesn't know how to behave like one.
This relative's behavior also led to the death of one of our more distant relative. The deceased, single man at his 20's also who is very gentle and kind was coming home from a drinking spree late at night when someone attacked him from behind and made him dead on the spot. Later it was known that the murderer was someone who made the attempt to teach the boastful cousin a lesson. But why did he do it to someone else?
The cousin was not someone on position or with a degree but a failure. He wasn't able to finish highschool because of his acts in Cervantes. He is someone who likes to brag as if he has anything to brag about. He has a very bad temper and would really look for trouble when he feels like it.
As I have observed, the parents are likely to get angry towards someone who scolds their children of doing bad. They tolerated their children's bad behavior when they were little that later turned one of them a brat.
It's really hard to say things because we all have kids of our own. Nevertheless, I am disciplining my kids by not condoning their bad behaviors. It feels even better when other people scold them with a good approach when kids had done bad. Meaning yelling and spanking were not always the last resort.
It may be hard for a stressful parent like me to always remain cool and contain temper but we need to. We have to learn to handle our emotions better as they absorb how we respond to challenges, obstacles, hard people and set back. Because they're still kids, they seem not to handle their emotions appropriately but they still struggle during grade school and most specially on their teen age years.
Parenting is a great challenge but a very rewarding one at the end when done and handled appropriately..
z_graeden
We have a lot of ways to train and discipline our child, I'm not yet a mom bit i often take care of my niece and nephew and sometimes they really get on my nerves😥 and what more stressing is their mom set different rules than mine so those kids became confused.