The Pain of Yesterday (cont.)

Part1

I can already feel the cold breeze of the wind gently kissing my face. I raised my head and looked around. It was already late afternoon. Dark clouds hover up ahead indicating the heavens to cry anytime soon. I got up from where I am perched and got inside. As I was going down the stairs, my world was spinning in a ferris wheel then suddenly my the world became pitch black.

Unknowingly... that was the last time I am going to see the light.

Twist of fate- nightmare and a blessing in disguise

I fell unconscious, I didn't know what happened next.

Fortunately, I was seen by my landlady who came to the rescue at once and sent me to a hospital in town. She looked after me while my parents had not arrived yet. So kind of her. It took some time before my parents were able to come because they had to wait for the jeepney schedule to travel to come up town. According to my landlady, they had to give me something for me to remain unconscious for the doctors to be able to examine me properly.

The first thing I heard after regaining back consciousness was my mom crying. I wanted to open my eyes but was not able to. I felt my eyes were on blindfold that no matter how I opened them to look around but I just can't. I can hear my mother crying, I cant be wrong. I can't see but I know it was her. She was gently rubbing my forehead, and my free hand without a dextrose.

"Why are you crying, mama?"I asked. "Turn on the light please because it's dark," I added.

Instead of turning on the light, I heard someone sighed heavily, it was the doctor. Then I heard my gentle father's voice , "My child, dont be alarmed." But I still felt nervous and alarmed and asked myself why. They held and let me sit. They gave me water to drink. Then the doctor spoke and explained everything.

I was already blind. Plain as it is.

I wanted to shout at the top of my voice. I wanted to throw things. The feeling of hysteria was taking over. I felt devastated. I can't do things because there's lot of things connected to my body at that moment and my beloved mother just hugged me tight to comfort me.

The pain in my head that comes and goes were an indication that my body wasn't normal anymore. It was the onset of it all. The doctor explained further that it was too late for any treatment to bring my sight back.

My world was shattered into pieces. It seems the heavens and earth clashed from one another. I stayed for some time at the hospital that when I was discharged, I felt all the negative impact of my disability. I felt useless, my chance of finishing my degree came to a halt at an instant. There's no more hope for me to get my family out of poverty. I am just a burden. But I had to accept the fact that I will just live like this, living in the dark and no capability to do anything.

I was used to the dance of life but to start all over again is very hard. I had to memorize where the dirty kitchen was, and everything around the house. It was so hard.

Sadly, we were living in a world full of criticisms and judgements. How they had looked down upon us when I was still in a normal state aggravated. Foul mouth saying I may have taken unknown medicines that it was my karma to be blind. I had to live with those and said no words. I would only be wasting my time showing them the paper about the findings and diagnosis of my doctor. It was their nature to criticize and judge, afterall.

Soon after I was able to do things like wash laundry, cook, move around the house and tend my little nephews and nieces. Three months of being blind was so boring. All I could do was stay at the house. Thankfully I have my little nephews and nieces to entertain me, the radio to listen to, and guitar to play with.

My family was always there to support me, they didn't change a bit. Until one time there was someone, a founder of a shelter for persons with disability (PWD) who invited me. He took me in with him.

I felt out of place during the first days at the shelter. But later on I begun to socialize with these people like me and became close to them. My insecurities started to fade away and am getting back my confidence. We were trained to be independent with our disability because we were taught to use the staff, gadgets, to work like sighted people do, and to read and write with the use of the braille system. The thought of uselessness began to exit my vocabulary. I am forever grateful to God for this wonderful opportunity.

I went back to school and enrolled at a SPED facility. I had to start all over again in the first step, I was back to first year college. It was challenging at first because students were mixed up. Due to my diligence and determination I graduated at 21.

My parents, just like when I finished highschool were the happiest though it was not at the university where I first attended where I should receive my diploma. And because I was done with my studies the founder of the shelter sent me home. So that I may concentrate on my reviews and to look for a job that suits my eligibility. I was fortunate enough to work as a massage therapist while I was self reviewing. God is forever kind because I was able to pass the board exams.

Fluttering butterflies at my stomach

I worked two years at the massage center. And here I met a man whom I have loved deeply. He can see. But what I didn't expect was he cheated on me. He has another girlfriend who was also sighted like him. And what I didn't know was everytime he sends me to my place after we go out for a date, he would go home to his girlfriend. One more thing I have learned was the girl was even pregnant.

I let him be after learning ths fact. I didn't fight for him because the other was sighted and was even bearing his child. I kept quite but I was badly hurting inside. The positive me tried to console the broken hearted me. He's not the only man out there. Was he even a man to cheat someone like me?

I didn't let it affect me entirely and linger and endure the pain. I tried hard to look for a job that suits my degree. And not long I was employed at a SPED center. It was another challenge because I was meeting and dealing with different personalities. Nevertheless, I was enjoying my profession because teaching was my forte.

For the second time or first time rather, there was this man who valued me. Just like the previous, he can also see. I accepted his love. But trials were never absent. His relatives mocked him for having a blind person for a girlfriend. He didn't mind them and tied me at wed lock. Just like any marriage relationship, there are things that come up but we deal with it nicely. He was never ashamed holding my hands wherever we go.

We may not have prospered much but we were able to lift our life from the gutter. I have my own salary from my teaching profession and I share some to my parents. We were able to buy a car which we are using to visit my folks. My husband, on the other hand never fall short of support for me though he had a little business he established and managing.

A note from the original author

To students out there: scarcity is not a hindrance to success. You may be face with many difficulties along your way but remember that it will all be paid off when you receive that neatly laminated diploma with your name on it.

Whatever you reach in life, never forget the sacrifices of your parents. Listen to them even if they scold you, it is their way of directing you to a path they wanted you to take, because they knew best.

To the parents: love and guide your children well as they traverse the so-called life. Be their stronghold and support when they are faced with trials.

To the PWDs like me: Keep the fight. It's not because our actions are limited that we can't achieve anything. Remember, God won't give us what we are not able to overcome.

To the people who criticized and judged me: I thank you. no worries, I've got no hard feelings for you. I am more thankful because of you I became a stronger version of myself...

And to everyone reading, don't take your health for granted. Don't underestimate it and compromise it with temporary things. It is priceless to stay healthy but to be sick is much expensive.

By:NM

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I have read this story in a facebook page more than a month ago. I was touched and inspired upon reading it. It was written in ILOCANO by NM using JAWS of her laptop. A girl who became blind and now living with it. Despite her struggles she remained humble. Now, I struggled to write it in engols. I just added some highlights per settings.

Closing thoughts

We are only human faced with different trials and tribulations. Remember that we should learn to dance with life, less we fall. And as the original author of the story said, dont talk shits of lie about people because one day it might come back to you.

z_graeden