Do Cheaters Don't Have a Choice?

One time I was scrolling on my Facebook's feed when a post caught my attention. A black display picture. Usually, this indicates a death of someone dear especially a family. I was curious so I went over the comment section. I knew no one who died in our place so I thought it was from her mother's side because she was from another municipality. And if not, then it may be from her husband's side. But it wasn't.

As I go through the comment section, I smelled something. It was not about death but perhaps a sad happening base on the comments. So I asked why it was pitch black but no reply.

Two days later, after making some interactions here I scanned facebook again and I was caught by another post. A post she shared from a page which pertains heavy feelings of sadness. I knew right there and then that there's something wrong.

Without further ado, I messaged her privately. It was not something I can just ignore because she's one of my childhood friends. We spent most of our time at their house and sometimes I stayed overnight because we were once inseparable.

I can feel her hesitation when she replied. She didn't open up immediately but I convinced her that we were all grown ups and married. We all have flaws which make our relationship with flaws, too. That she need not be shy to tell.

This friend of mine was married on 2015 to her college darling. They both are professionals and working and since they had a baby last 2019, she stopped working to be able to take care of their little one. She was fat even when we were kids up until today. She has hormonal imbalance.

I talked to her mother every chance I got. I can feel she was envious because she wanted to have a grandchild already. I already got 2 kids that time.

And because this friend has hormonal imbalance, she can't bear a child though they did everything they could. Sometimes, it was the root of their quarrel and fight as couple. That's why they decided to adopt a newborn baby. Now, more than a year old already.

She confessed that her husband had been cheating on her for quite some time already. He left them. It broke my heart that it went to her. If only we're near each other then it would be easier to comfort her. I can feel the pain, the agony she's tolerating at that moment. I feel devastated, how much more for her.

I didn't asked what might've motivated him to do so, though. It will make the cut bleed more so I just ended the conversation trying to lift and cheer her up. I told her it was not her who the bad guy was. Feeling devastated is normal because who wouldn't feel that way. However, don't linger on the thought of about herself but much more about her husband.

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Why do cheaters had to cheat? Don't they have a choice?

It is not because they lack love already but there's a myriad of reasons that might've motivate them commit the act.

1.Men are more likely to cheat than women do. They express love more physically that lack of lovemaking or the wife declines sex often they will take the rejection as being no longer loved. Whereas, women are more emotional that they seek to be cherished and desired rather than the physical intimacy. This factor alone will drive any of the two to have an affair.

2.Problems are inevitable in a relationship especially on a marital relationship. These problems may be domestic violence and emotional abuse, emotional or physical disconnection, financial pressures, lack of respect and communication and low compatibility which arises with couples who married for the wrong reason.

3.Now, others feel neglected, not being appreciated or unimportant. These feelings are more associated to women. Most often, during pregnancy and after giving birth. No, it's not about hormones that they feel that way. But when carefully addressed with a good communication between the two parties then their dying passion would be ignited once more.

4. Poor self-esteem. I don't know but I have seen men who were more confident and proud of their act. Maybe it is a way to boost their ego and self-esteem.

5. Revenge. Some took to heart their anger with their spouse that they resort to cheating as a punishment.

6. Lack of commitment. This may be due to one party or both falling out of love that they become bored and seek the attention of others.

7.One reason may be due to body image of their partner or age. This usually falls under men that they found their spouse no longer attractive.

8. Exposure to cheating during childhood. Children who are exposed to parent having an affair doubles the risk of committing the act themselves on adulthood.

9. Exit strategy. When couples are having the aforementioned factors it means they do have an unhappy married relationship and when problems are not addressed appropriately, infidelity is their way of escape.

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Infidelity wreak havoc in a relationship especially on a family but sometimes thru proper and open communication both parties take it as a way of improving themselves and they might get back to each other as a better version of their old self.

Closing thoughts

Marriage is a complicated relationship. And cheating is a choice of the cheater which reflects most of him/herself. Most of our youths today are very familiar with the quote of "walang forever" but try to look at the couples who had forever (our grannies and gramps or our parents), 'til death do their part. There's no secret of having a long lasting relationship. Everyone has flaws, shortcomings and wrongs because nobody's perfect. But open and direct communication, practicing forgiveness, and being committed to each other daily will make a relationship perfect. Despite of trials and storms that may arise, you can guarantee your relationship will not be shaken.

4/27/21

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