Wait... I can't understand you now.

Has this happened to you like you were so overwhelmed?

recently, I was reading jento's article in line with mine and articlee's articles about friends but d8mn! I can't understand a thing even if o read it thrice already.

It's not that her article is bad, it was great, actually and she puts the character into it like she was telling it to me while I was reading it. what is this, mental block? I was awake, I am sure sane and I am sober but I really could not understand a thing. It was very interesting and I know I needed to read them again. I like her in fact for being so bold and brave.

As I was reading, images flash in my mind but I can't recall them. namala naman siguro along utok, haha!

Way back when I was younger, well, actually even now, I keep asking myself; Am I sane? Am I thinking properly? Is this how others think too?

I grew up looking up to my parents and my sisters. OMG! they feel so perfect and those teachers that I have? even think that they don't poop like they are so smart that they teach us things. What was I thinking?

There was even once that was told to think out of the box and when I told them my idea, they frowned and I got upset that what I thought was not what they expected.

Was it me or was it them? ( ahaha, why them, yoi? damay damay na ba?)

I sure can get the lessons at school though lots of them were already forgotten and buried by the thing that I was using my brain for over the years which was nothing but useless things. lols, but at least I was living.

When I see someone smart or successful I would even ask myself: " what could they be thinking?"

While growing up, I constantly looked up to my siblings, we have huge age gaps and I was always the underdog. They treated me like I was a maid, lols. I got to do the dishes and got to cook at a young age. That was because I really admire them for doing things perfectly, of course, as a child I can't see the wrong.

They are always there to correct me every time I make a mistake; like well, I could compare myself to a robot being commanded as always.

Whenever I get tulala and imagine something they would snap me out of it. There was seven a time when I was peacefully doing the dishes and I was imagining some scenarios in my head like someone was quarreling and my sister snapped me out of it even bullying me about it.

When I married, I see it in my husband. My family even called him an addict and crazy for laughing alone, when I asked him, he was imagining things, and no, he was not crazy, in fact, I can say he is saner than I am.

Should I need psychiatrist on this? Seriously, I have deep self doubts issues.

There are been times when I make mistakes like I was laughing and phlegm went its way to make a sound, I would feel ashamed. You see, being ashamed is normal, people get ashamed of other people but I am ashamed of myself to the point that I would shiver, and what's worse is that I could not forget it quickly. Has this ever happen to you?

Now that iI came up with "forget/ memory" I was wondering about myself: Am I normal? haha! I cannot easily memorize and recognize people's faces even at the 6th meeting, especially the relatives. There were times when I went to my sister's place where relatives from my mother's side and I keep asking my sister who those people were. I know there were relatives but I don't know their names!

There are significant events in my life that I can't remember even! Do I have selective amnesia? haha! What's worse is that these events that I wish I could forget were the ones that I remember the most! so cruel.

I know you are neither an expert nor a psychiatrist but what do you think of me after reading, am I crazy? or do you even understand What I was pointing out?

Anyways, thank you for your time. keep safe!