This is not what I expected

I've always wanted a new phone. It was a reward I wanted for myself since I have earned a lot from my blogs here in Hive but since we are financially tight at those times, I had to set myself aside and prioritize my family's needs.

My Luho

Most of my earnings in read were given to my husband for his additional investment in scrap buying and selling yet there is no return even if he assured it to me. Some were invested in our cassava and corn farm too but as usual, when money came, I had no share, ha had lots of plans and it often went out of budget. Sometimes I am the antagonist in his plans because I always think that our income is just up to that level.

It's for me too

Honestly, I did not blog for the family alone, I wanted to buy things for myself too because it's been years since we were working and it felt like we don't see where the money goes. But don't get me wrong, my husband invested on buying parcels of land and we had a motorcycle installment.

I always knew that all he did was for the good of the family but I just can't help feeling that way.

Buying what I wanted most

So as I have come to read, I learned to convert my earnings and found out about coins.ph and Gcash and shoppee. I bought some things that I never had before, some were wants but some were needs also. So as my knowledge widened about online shopping platforms, I was tempted to apply for the shopee pay later and loaned a phone that is worth 3999 pesos, and the shop had 500 pesos discount, and I used a shopee voucher worth 1047 pesos and the total I paid is 2,437 pesos including the shipping fee but less the coins I had.

Things don't go as planned

I was happy with my purchase, the phone specs are 4GB RAM plus 2GB extension and 128 GB storage, and an 8MP camera. It was a great buy but I thought I would be inspired to work online after having it but I was not. I am still lazy to do things online and I have not been earning enough to pay for the installment. Haaays, my expectation is opposite from the reality but believe me, I had been trying so hard to keep up my pace.

My excuses

Just last month, my workload was added; that makes my time from work less to engage and at our house, we limit the kids from using phone and my husband told me that we should not let them see we use phones often too. Besides that, Last time, I wrote about having sleep paralysis too often especially when I work too long for the day and have very small amount of sleep even if I just closed my eyes. That gave me anxiety and fear that I would die too soon of overwork so I stepped away from that routine which I wanted to go back these days yet it's very hard already.

I'm full of excuses, yet my bills don't accept them and time is moving too fast that I cannot keep up. One thing is for sure, not all expectations and plans don't go the way you want them to be.

I coudl say that I am a bit discourageed with myself lately yet what can I do? My battle is very hard because my enemy is myself andi wouel be ruined if I will be very hard on me.

What about you, what are your expectation vs reality these days?