I finally opened up

This is the continuation of what I wrote last night.

Ton and I got closer; Since my relationship is getting bland, I entertained Ton and got amazed by his attention and time given to me.

We go out often, and our favorite place is Lawis, we love its ambiance and we love that there, we can be alone together. Here's a photo of Lawis sourced from google.

You see, nakaka pag muni muna ka talaga dyan diba; too bad we dont have cameras at that time kasy de-keypad lang young afford naming phone. Ton is courting me na, I didn't tell him much about the relationship I had then one day, we talked bout how we got to the situation we have now. I asked him why he left me without communication and then babalik nalang sya isang araw. we talked bout lots of things and we cried dahil dun sa mga nasayang na mga sandali. Then he said, " if I didn't go to Manila, we probably had children today."

That hit me, he had plans pala but then fate played with us.

I felt Ton's need for me he was always begging me to be his alone, He loves me and I fell for him the second time and we went deeper. He said he will take me from the relationship I had at that time and you know what, I was willing to go with him. Love is definitely sweeter the second time around.

I had a hard time telling my boyfriend, of course, it's not easy to do. He just noticed that I was slowly drifting away and he knew about Ton when he sent me a message on my phone. The man tried to win me back but he lost; a few days before my graduation, he finally let me go. He was crying but I did not. I had too much and he is too late to win me back. After all, I've made up my mind.

I never regretted my decisions at that time because Ton never left me and I am on his plans. If only I could forget those moments with him, I wished it did not happen. I don't think about him but I sometimes dream, he was part of my past and I can't blame myself. Honestly, sometimes I feel guilty and I was sorry I hurt him, I never want to hurt anybody, really.

I took my things, and even got my TOR a few days after graduation and left, I never planned to come back to the place where my school was and started a new chapter of my life with Ton.

I've posted about our latest ending anniversary we were at our 8th year but I never really opened up to him until the other day when he opened up on his.

All those years, I never made peace with my past; maybe that is why it hunts me sometimes. Also, my secrecy added to the load o burden I was carrying but all of it were gone when I was finally able to open up to him while we were having dinner and the kids were at my mother's house.

I am so happy to have felt relief, I never told anyone about those things, too afraid that people will be using it against me( my sister knew a few details about it and she did use it against me nung nag away kami dahil nag cheat sya sa husband nya).

But now that I already told my husband about how gross I was (feel ko kasi nag mamalinis ako palagi dahil dun eh, kahit ang dumi ko) and he still gladly accepted me for who I was and what I've been, and here I am sharing it to you.

But you know what, at that time when I was in the old relationship, I was faithful kasi I thought yun a yun eh. But late rin life, nung grabeng guilt ko kasi di ako pure nung naging kami ni asawa ko ngayon, nasabi ko, dami din palang mag babaeng mag pinagdaanan at nakapag asawa diba.

So nung araw na naiblurt out ko sa asawa ko nag lahat, he said he was satisfied sa mga sagot ko sa mga tanong nya, dati kasi I was never specific, I am also afraid of telling it all to my husband because I am afraid he'd get hurt of the things he would know.

Ang gaan ng feeling ko after, to the point na nakatulog ako nang mahimbing; maybe beacause I felt relieved na tanggap parin ako ng asawa ko. I surely did take time before ko nasabi in details but it was still worth it. I can say I finally made peace with my past and it won't be blocking me on the way to my success in the near future.

Then while writing this article, I realized that tanggap naman talag ako ngasawa ko from teh start, kaya nag sabin nya nun na aagawin nya ako from him, Then it hit me; " nag oover think langyata ako sa mga bagay bagay ano? "

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Thank you for your time, understanding, and love. Keep safe.

Lead image from unsplash