Four years without him; the celebration

Should we celebrate losing him? It feels wierd. They say that when a man departs from his body, he will go home to the creator. This is what the Bible said, but only those who believed cam go home to the creator, those who didn't will go to hell.

I believe he is with the creator now and it is one of the things why we celebrate losing him. My second reason is that he is in no pain anymore. He was 69 at that time and I can see it in his eyes that he is tired of things even tired of breathing. His breathing is not normal, I observed his tummy when he was asleep, he is like thumping, he efforts just to satisfy he oxygen needs and he asks me to buy salbutamol nebule and takes it so breathing will somehow get easier. He sighs most of the time because breathing with nose alone is not enough.

His every move is heavy, even when he sits down he grunts, he leans on table when he sits down to support his back his heavy body.

He rides motorcycle almost every time, not because he goes away too frequently but it is his way of moving around and not pant in breathing.

He bosses around, to show that he is still mighty and strong, but I see it, he is tired and he finds way not to show it even a little. He is still strict, showing his pride but deep inside he feels sorry he could not provide.

He makes coffee and drinks a lot, just to cover his hunger. He buys his own fresh food and let mama cook it, he is picky in food because of his age.

I misunderstood him a lot but I know he loves us so dear, and even thought about who will look after us when he is gone even on the last part of his life. He doesn't want to go, he wants to stay and take care of us, even if his kids all have their own family.

There are things that I wish I didn't do but it's too late to realise about it, he is a already gone. I was so sorry but sorry cannot turn back time.

So much for it, I'm getting emotional. Here is how we celebrated him and his memories. Thought we don't usually talk about him, I'm afraid mom will break down and everyone will cry that time.

So I took a half day leave. My co worker asked me to be around in the morning for she will take a seminar, so I did and I went home at 12nn. My mother and oldest sister was relieved that I am there to help them. They thought they'd b ethe only ones to prepare for dinner.

I still had no lunch yet and it's 1pm already. I was pscking the lumpiang shanghai and asked my niece to cook some so we could have it as viand. My mother thought we will be cooking it all so she took the initiative but my sister stopped her, it will lose its crisp if we cook it so soon.

Later after lunch, I ran out of lumpia wrapper so I bought some along with 8 liters of soft drinks and canned milk. I brought my eldest child with me and I bought her ice cream. Joy, those were so heavy. Whew!

My sister is preparing lots of cake, she has chocolate moist cake, velvet cake with whipped cream as icing and cassava cake too! It's a good thing that I am interested in baking and learned from watching her, ani assissted her in those.

She even experimented on cassava cake if which is better, to be cooked on the oven or steamed. Since they dried the cassava first, the cake looks dry, and so does the feel when eaten too! Maybe the should not have done it. Drying cassava is for puto only.

My sister from Valencia brought this beautiful flowers and was displayed in the kitchen. The green ones amazes. Me more but I also took photo of other flowers.

At 3pm, my husband called me to check on his chickens. When I came near, they got interested, checking if I have something yummy with me, but I only have the camera. Besides, they have adlibitum supply of feeds and water inside.

At 5pm, I started to cook lumpiang shanghai, some even got overcooked, haha but they're not bitter. I forgot about them because I am doing lots of things simultaneously. And oh, lookie at the fire crown, would you like to wear one? My sister has a La Germania brand gas burner, and the fire looks so good, that they formed a crown.

I thought there sre so many visitors, but there a re only about 5 of them which are adults, the rest are kids. We had a swift dinner, and everyone was full. Czak is sleepy so I retired early, but Czak got hyper because of the sweets and slept around 10pm.

All in all, the even is successful. I just felt backpain and my soles are screaming. I got used in sitting all day ans all of a sudden, this.

I intended to share this right after the event but I feel so bad until yesterday. I gotta get some more sleep, goodnight.