Dentures, Broken teeth and My Pride

I lost one of my front teeth when I was in college, due to the effect of high sugar intake that I had in high school. I was the one assigned to buy rice (5kg max) and every time I buy, I always include a chocolate bar. I brush my teeth regularly but it still leads to tooth decay. I pulled it out in the college infirmary and it took me a year to have a denture. I smile to everybody just like nothing is wrong with my teeth during that time because I care less, I feel beautiful even with my broken teeth. Lols. Beauty and looks for me at that time doesn’t matter even a little. It’s so funny that someone caught a picture of me smiling with a loose tooth and showed it to the public in one of the programs before the graduation and I was humiliated by it. I was angered but I realized that it was the truth; it may have hurt me though I wished she didn’t show it to the public, right? Where’s her humanity?

Now, I already had three kids and the teeth beside the lost teeth had decayed. I even stopped using my dentures because it won’t fit anymore, it would fall when I talk so I decide to not use them anymore. Pregnant women are giving their own calcium to their kids during the gestation period. I didn’t take any calcium supplements during my pregnancy and it may be the reason for my teeth’s deterioration.

Frankly now that I am working, I was conscious on how people would see me. Lots of people asked me what happened to my teeth and I couldn’t tell them straight. It’s embarrassing, you know. When I was new to this situation, I took facemasks as an advantage to cover what I look like now. When I take pictures, I still smile with a closed mouth. I wouldn’t dare show it, afraid of being made fun of, ‘cause that’s what most people do. I also lost my confidence from this because of the same reason. But now, I got used to what I looked like. I mean there are some who looked worse than me but they still lived. I made sure that broken teeth won’t break my life.

Yesterday, my general manager asked me what happened to my teeth and I told him that it was a sign of aging and he told me that he will sponsor me in having new dentures and some of my co-workers heard it. I’m not sure if he was serious or if he was just teasing but it kept me thinking overnight. He even dared me to do it the next day. He says:

Buotan ko basta ma in-ana, because I don’t want it to happen to me. ( these are not exactly the words that he said but this is the thought of what he said.)

I even asked him if do I have to work for it but he said it’s not needed. Now I was having second thoughts about his offer because my pride won’t allow me to. I had this imagination that I would always feel that I owe him something if I would accept his offer, and I will always be reminded of it every time I smile, every time I chew food, every time I would brush my teeth, so on. But the offer was tempting. My criminal mind even told me to jokingly text him that I am already in the dentist’s office and my bill is over 5k and see his reaction but due to the good side of me, I did not do it. Lols.

I actually had the chance of fixing my teeth when I had my 13thmonth pay but I preferred to use the money for something else. I tried earning from read and noise but somehow, we needed it too and the money was not yet returned. It’s a bit discouraging but such is life, full of disappointments but at least I knew that the money that came to me did not go to waste or so I hope.

One of these days, I might ask him (if I see him in the hallway) if his offer was still on and I would ask him that I would work for it. I like to work for the things that I get because I’d feel little if somebody will give it for free (though I did not ask for it in the first place, there is big difference in being given and asking, we all know that). I’ve been taught to work for something and not just ask for it, I learned it the hard way too.

I’m battling my own for now, it’s like my prideful self and my take advantage self are arguing on what was best, I sure would want to fix my teeth but….. Aaaah! Lots of things are going on my mind now and I even struggled to write this one just to express and lessen them.

I’m sorry for bothering you all but writing has become my got to when I feel difficult for myself. Haha, I must be crazy for thinking lots of things. This would be all for now, I hope to update you all about what happens next, if I’m done arguing with myself. Thank you all from being with me. Have a good day and keep safe.