4 years without him

Tomorrow is my father's 4th death anniversary. He "expired" (this was the term those medical staffs at City Hospital called it when I went back there in the next day to work on the papers we needed to rest his body in his final destination, I should say) on March 18, 2018, just 17 days after he turned 69 years old.

I could not get it why medical staffs are not frank on the famy who demands to know the truth if where the patient is standing. I asked the nurse what really is the finding for my father's health deterioration but they cannot answer. My mother asked them if my father was already in a comatose stage when he did not wake up after he went for a little sleep. At that time, we really needed to know the chances if my father would wake up or not. He was like super tired and he pulls his IV and his oxygen off. He never reacts to everything we say to him.

I was just glad that my sister from Valencia City came home right after she heard the news that Papa. Was brought to the hospital that night. Before she came home, she lent money and it is what we used in the hospital. It was like a family reunion at that time and he said he loves Mama, as Mama puts a spoon of milk on his mouth, he knows my siblings, he calls ate Wela "Tatang" ,the nick name he gives her and Indang "boxidor(the boxer)“ and me his" baduy“.

Papa and I were close, and I was more open to him than Mama except lovelife. LOLS. I never tell them both about it. Papa even loves my kids much that he would take Aelie with him at the farm even if I already don't have a job. He keeps on telling Aelie “tana, Ling". Ling is a short for darling, just like what he calls my Mama. He even spoiled Aelie a lot bu buying her ice-cream everytime they were together, and he let's her sleep on his arm every night. He is a very sweet grandpa that is why when he was gone, Aelie was also devastated for the loss. Even now whan Aelie misses him, she would cry like the pain was from within and I could not help her feel better. Before he departed, he even came to our house, it was the very first time that he did it even if we were only living few meters away from each other. At that time, he carried Palaling who was only 3 months old, he kisses her and he was like saying goodbye to her. He must have sensed that his calling is near, and gave comfort to the kids. Ate PJ, my niece with cerebral palsy, they were also close that every time Papa is around, she wants him to sit near her and she wants Papa to make her eat. She won't open her mouth if anyone else will do it. Then they would both look at movies together, and she would smile at him her sweetest smile. I know PJ misses Papa too,but she just couldn't say it.

He was put in a TB facility but his sputom reads he is negative of the virus. But I admit that father did not really stop smoking even after his hospitalization few years back; he kind of even fooled my mother that he already stopped yet some of thier common friends told my mother that he still does smoke after he passes away and asked Mama what's the reason.

He maintains salbutamol nebule whenever he feel like it's difficult to breathe, he kind of self medicate himself; my sister bought him a nebuliser shortly after he got hospitalised once.

I was late to know that Papa had a tuberculosis when he was still 14 years old. It might be because he might have been smoking at a very young age but it could be because of the sweats that dried up on his body while he was working at his parent's farm. Kids don't know how to take carof themselves like changing clothes when it gets wet before it dries in te body. I heard him say that when he was a kid, he plows the field using a special tool that we call “daru“ being pulled by a cattle, and get rid of the weeds manually with sundang.

HE WAS THE STRONGEST AND BRAVEST MAN THAT I KNOW OF!

My father had gone to many challenges in his life. One was with his mother, I heard that his mother willl only send him to school if he gets a specific course. My father, who has a very strong personality, and high pride copied it from his mother and they don't go well together. My mother even told me that what Samson wants, Samson gets; this or another way, but he kind of changed when he got older. He might have realised that life doesn't give you all that you want but gives you what you need.

His childhood (which is a very interesting story, he said he can see something he only can see, and he got ill when he refused what it wanted from him), his financial struggles, he once bought a 2nd hand Ford fierra and he had a buy and sell business before I was born. But lost it all when he was tempted by a woman that gave him a son whom he also called Samuel, the same name of the eldest son that he lost when Samuel was only 7 years old. Because of that, he almost broke his family. Mama was even willing to kill someone, it could be him or that woman, but Papa left the woman and came back to my Mama.

In his late life, he had misunderstandings with his siblings and even with his mother especially on the wealth they held. Some were given cattles and land and he did not. We were on poverty, Life even became harder when his mother took the farm that he was manning, and forced us to live in a house like a sardines. Our wall and roof and even door is of a roofing material.

OOOH! I almost forgot, he was shot by a gun and he is blessed that it did not hit him in the head! He tiptoed to see the silhouette that he is suspected to be a man and was hit in his face( he was peeing outside at that time) , his molars are almost all gone, his upper gum where the tounge rests has hole and when he drinks water, it falls off his nose(Thank God his tounge was untouched) . But what's interesting is that he drove himself with his Ford fierra to the hospital! My older sisters were so little at that time was with him , Mama doesn't know how to drive and a neighbour is very far. Ate Wela said he was almost losing his consciousness while driving. God guided the way and he lived almost or more than 30 years after it happened. He was really much like the Sampson in the Bible, but his strength was my mother who loved, understood and forgive him of all his trespasses.

What I thank my father the most is that he led me to know about the true and living God and I am saved though I am a wretch. My father did not approve of my husband in the first place but he accepted him little by little daily.

My Papa was never forgotten. I still love him and so does my kids, and Ate PJ too.

Death means that there is no more pain, no more struggles and problems, I know he is now with the creator now.

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This would be my entry for today, have a good sleep, y'all.

Love,

Yoi❤️