When not in shape…

I think I am out of shape for now. I felt the headache this morning after some crying last night. Yes, we do cry from time to time. Maybe to let things out? To communicate to the air that we’re hurt? To let the world know we’re human even though no one sees us crying?

It still hurts but thanks to The Words I’ve been uplifted again. I remembered things that I almost forgot. We’re reminded so we won’t forget. Yes, we need constant reminding. We need regular replenishment like we need food to nourish our physical aspect. So we need His Words in order to go on and stay at the sunny side of life.

I realized we have not had any sunny side up egg for a while now. I’ll probably cook eggs in the morning.

To make my throat better, I am now drinking warm to hot water. At least this remedy I have not forgotten. It’s like medicine although no medicine was put to my warm to hot water. It’s neither too hot nor too cold. It’s warmer than warm. After the first cup that I drank slowly, there was instant improvement to how my throat felt. I’ll probably drink more cups until morning. If I won’t be able to sleep through. But if I will be, so be it, sleep I should.

I believe that having physical ailment for as long as you have someone who truly care for you will do the trick. But battling with emotional struggle will make your physical go bad as well. So I am really grateful for those who take the time to come and share us The Good News. I really need to respect my notebooks where I write notes and events of what’s happening to me. Lately, I am forgetful. Being forgetful is awful. I will pen down my emotions. Hard copy. I will painstakingly write with my pen. Even if my penmanship is very bad. Became worse after repeated injuries to my right hand. Yes, I’m right-handed. I used my left hand to write on some occasions that my right was not able to write. It was a real struggle. So I have to take care of my hands in order to enjoy life.

I guess, the silent fight between me and the partner in the house arose because of my forgetfulness. Or maybe, he’s just abusive. Not physically but psychologically. I tried studying the situation and I concluded he really has some attitude that will make another feel worthless. But I had to point it out and also accept whatever negative something that he will open up with me. Hoping we get the chance to open up with each other. Talking so as not to further hurt each other requires some sort of art. We have to be careful.

After all those processes to eventually make peace with someone, I realized that we travel a different road the next time war breaks out. And it’s a given that peace is the solution to the problem. We make peace with someone so we can be well. I’ll just admit I was not okay during this day. But I am getting better as I try to mend my emotions myself. Me and my God. Waiting for others to comfort us isn’t always the best move. I mean it is most of the time not the best move. So heal yourself right after you realize you needed healing. Cry it out. Stop then talk to God. Forgiveness. It’s the hardest to give but once given, releases a lot of load in our midst. So forgive generously. It is the only choice.

During the past, when things come to bumpy roads, I would blame and uphold others for my misery. I hold them responsible for why things happened the way they happened. Now I realize, how could I forget about the one thing that I should be doing? Instead of bottling hurts and painful feelings, we can instead turn situations to our advantage. We turn those emotional moments into quiet times and reflections points. We need all those anyway.

I actually bought a notebook a while ago. It is for the purpose of taking down notes of my emotions and my thoughts. I will use this particularly when I experience down moments. Also note what is making me slip down the dangerous abyss of grief and depression. And since I hate going back there, I have to pin down every emotion or thought I am thinking. The difficult side of depression is not knowing your depressed when in actuality you are. It is becoming clear to me that I have depressive tendency. I would wonder why my emotions reach the ceiling and the floor. I tried researching and even though I wouldn’t accept, I have to be real and accept that I have the depressive tendency. For me it's always triggered by unpleasant situations. In accepting, we learn how to make remedies. I have kids and I wouldn’t want them to witness over and over my violent tantrums and manic behavior. It’s a BIG no no! Hoping you dear readers could at least pick gems here even though yours truly has moods and all. But I believe you understand if you ever reach this point in my article.

Thank you for your ears (eyes)! Good night!