The state of mind jumping from one thought to another

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Let me go back to the time of wandering while wondering. I saw the lines when they were blue, and the sad faces emerged out of love for somebody.

I risked my awkwardness and dwelt on my foolish love for the pen. “What do I know,” was my line for the first time. It must have been a high risk since it paid well.

Now, I could boldly move my fingers on the modern device I use to catch the words that flow from my naive mind and sensitive soul.

I value the joyousness when I’m full. I lament the emptiness of my document when I am blocked. But I still like my lamentations because it makes me happy anyway.

I watch myself go through insecurities while appreciating others just because they made me insecure. They become my drive to do my job because what other aspect will I be good at if I won’t work well to make my pay worth it?

Overall, it has been a regret-free experience. I am in love with the way it has been! I liked the way my ancestors put their thoughts to paper. I was a latecomer, but I knew then that I was on time when best friends are becoming scarce physically and ‘adulting’ is just so hard on anybody.

I realized that life is beautiful after all the trials and tribulations. But then I still shout at my six-year-old son for not waking up early to prepare for school. I curse at my firstborn then I tell him that I love him because I do.

I still dare to fantasize even after all those shame and foolishness. Then I hide behind masks and pseudonyms to express love for strangers, to lament the governmental issues just because I can’t rant upfront lest I’ll be thrown stones and criticized harshly, to describe what my life is like, and to pose like a real writer even though I am still here on this shabby position I put myself in.

Wake me up when I forget to renew my license because my birthday is on November 23. When I am teaching logic to my students yet my statements are somewhat fallacious and I don’t understand the direction where I am going.

But then these are my thoughts and what sin will I commit if I publish this anyway?

I’ve been struggling so much, wishing I were at a place somewhere hermitting my way to freedom. But nothing comes for free, I have to design, I have to choose, I have to decide, just because it is the way to go…

Article first published here at: https://mathementalz.wordpress.com/2022/11/17/the-state-of-mind-jumping-from-one-thought-to-another/