Reminiscing...

“I was born and was raised. I crawled then I walked. And I walked on my own. I danced. I sang. I did many things. I reasoned out. I won and I lost. I tried many things. I lived! I dreamt of things! I had my passion! I shared. I was given. I had friends. My heart broke. I hurt others. Just like any other being, I had my aspirations. I imagined myself like someone whom I wanted to become. I travelled. I wandered and wondered! And time came, I reached the end. I was on edge. Or maybe, I just arrived at the junction… And at this junction starts a new journey!”

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I wrote the above on my blog when I was first starting. I don’t remember exactly what I was thinking back then. What I know is that I didn’t know what I was doing. J There was no definite outline to what I should write about. I just explored on my own.

I did my research on the internet on how to have my own site but not consulting someone physically. I explored WordPress.com, blogspot, and Weebly. There were other sites I explored but I don’t remember anymore their names.

After finally having my first ever free WordPress.com site, I started writing and deleting my contents. It was fun. Writing, awkwardly. I write silly things then share it on facebook then delete delete delete. It was like hid and seek.

Time came when I decided to simply leave whatever I have written on the internet. You could download your content and reupload them later on when you change hosting. For the case of free sites, you could maintain your free domain name forever. At least that’s the case for now.

I just wrote. Whatever thing popped out of my mind, I try to develop and convert it to article. There were good one, there were bad ones. Writing sometimes connects my thoughts to the device I am writing on. It may be the simplest thing to do out of love to do something while you’re not in the mood for anything else.

It’s weird. Going back to my blog is like looking at my lost self before. Self who tried to throw words into the open while doing her best to hide. Yes, like that. I wrote then I tried to hide only to divulge my name. Go hide again then resurface at a later time.

If there is something I could tell about myself, I am a loner. I write as if no one is reading my article. At the same time, I hope that someone reads it. When people read what I write, I become so conscious that I wish again I never made my piece public.

I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to be taught directly. I like to learn on my own. I sometimes hate my style. You could’ve just asked directly. Why didn’t you do it? I do not like to. I can just research on my own. But it is better to have asked? Why didn’t you just ask? Because I do not like to. Do you really have to ask over and over?

Yes, there are many me inside me. I guess this is pretty common to people. We all have different personalities inside of us that it is always possible to have intrapersonal conversation.

I remember submitting an assignment before in a Filipino subject. We were asked to converse with ourselves and write down our output on a piece of paper.

I really enjoyed doing it so my teacher couldn’t help herself but share my assignment to the rest of the class. She didn’t mention my name but my classmates knew that it was me.

Well, it’s okay. At least it was just their guess and they were not really sure whether it was mine or not.

Up until now, I do not understand why it was Math that I took up as a major.

If I recall, I was the lazy and diligent type of learner. I become diligent if I wanted to and become lazy and immobile when struck by the unknown sickness.

What I remember was that I will just major in Math when I go to college so I do not have to write essays. Then my life will be all good. I will teach Math so I do not have to suffer. But I was shocked to know that in college, there are a lot of minor subjects like History, Religion, Social Science, Political Science, and Physical Education.

I knew I would have done better only if I hadn’t conditioned my mind to just do Mathematics. I really felt bad because I thought I could relax but there were a lot of non Math contents. Essays, role plays, interaction with other students, dancing, sports, etc.

I remember isolating myself from my classmates. I feel good being alone along the corridor or just solving things on my own.

But time came when I eventually realized that what I was doing was very selfish. It also made my classmates worry about me.

Time moved and we graduated college. I still wasn’t writing during those times. I enjoyed eating on my own. Still a loner when I landed my first job. Truly, I taught math like how I envisioned it to be. Just like a robot.

Thanks to the current university where I am working now, I met people who showed me the correct way to create exams and conduct classes. I started to develop a sense of direction with the things I was doing.

I created my exams with a set of objectives. I started to be open to learning opportunities and not just the basic Math I knew of. I realized that Math was indeed difficult. Or I was just saying this because what I wanted to learn now is all about language. Still a long way to go. I have my grammar to fix, vocabulary to build, and writing style to develop.

That first blog I was referring to written at the start of this article is the summary of my life until I started writing.

“…I just arrived at the junction… And at this junction starts a new journey!”