I just wanted to toss it and walk barefoot

It's preposterous, you know, using something, barely fitting one.

I was going to my son's school to submit his module when for some absurd reason, I used my long-forgotten doll shoes. I usually walk when I go to submit my children's modules and this morning wasn't any different. The back and forth journey would take about 30 to 45 minutes.

Even before setting out, I already realized that the doll shoes were too small for me. It was my doll shoes, alright, but maybe my size getting out of hand during this time of pandemic has had an impact on the size of my feet as well. Or does that go without saying? Forgive me, I am just this.

It wasn't sinking into my brain until I felt the pressure increasing on my feet as I was walking. I endured the pain and walked as if there was nothing. Just so onlookers, if ever there were, wouldn't notice I was in pain.

I walked on until I reached school. I felt a temporary relief as I rested my feet by removing my shoes for a few moments. I put it back on, got my son's new set of modules and I thought of going straight back home to get rid of the shoes.

Halfway through my way home, I finally thought of a way to walk more comfortably without the very tight feeling inside my doll shoes--I folded its rear so I was at least relieved of pressure from wearing an out-of-the-size thing.

Still, I was getting the urge to simply toss the shoes away and just walk barefoot. I was comfortable without shoes on, if you ask. My calluses do a good job if needed.

Photo from Unsplash

But my sentimentality and conscience took the better of me. Thoughts like 'I spent money on the shoes' and 'It is a disrespectful act to my possession to just throw it away' flashed through my mind so, in the end, I still kept my patience.

Funny how I overdressed going to school. I mean I was just going there to pass the module and get a new set yet I put on my denim and a nice shirt and even wore lipstick. Haha.

Hubby commented about it and I just laughed it off. You know what? I even wore a very formal bag. Haha. Alongside my echo bag. What was the sense of all those? To top it off, my doll shoes... Huh!

At the very least, my nails were cut so they weren't adding to the problem.

Meanwhile, I wasn't expecting my older son's modules to be distributed this morning so I went home immediately after submitting my other son's.

But his teacher messaged that the modules were ready for pick-up. I didn't know whether I was mad or annoyed. But definitely, I wasn't going back at that very instance. I had to change my shoes and I was nearing our house anyway.

Just to finish both my agony and worry, I changed my shoes and went back to school to get my older son's modules. I didn't bring with me my formal bag anymore and I didn't retouch anymore. I just brought with me an eco-bag and there I put the modules.

'Nough of you small shoes. I am giving you away to a more deserving lady.

I sometimes complain when I go to shoe stores. "Discrimination," I say. But it was more of mocking my size and I realized it wasn't ever a nice thing to make fun of oneself.

The lesson goes as to don't force oneself into an environment where one doesn't fit. Either we first do something about it to fit in, or look for a different place.

I got many suggestions on where to buy large sizes of shoes but I was just too lazy to go check them out.

Lesson learned I will wear shoes that will support me, not one that will torture me and put me in agony.