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Written by   828
1 month ago


What hurts them hurts most parents too. Not my parents, by the way. I did not get much empathy from them. It is hard to say whether this still hurts after all these years, but it has made me watch out that what happened to me does not happen to my children. Of course, it is not always possible to be a good or perfect parent. That is not my aim either. By now I have accepted that I am not perfect, nor do I have to be, but I also know that my children do not expect this of me. I have learned to guard my boundaries more and not to let anyone abuse me. This is something that my children have never done. The benefit of a single parent? I made clear (from the age of three or four) that no is no and yes is yes, that mom is not always there because she works, that she needs time for herself too, that Mummy reads and that their mom sometimes is so tired that she collapses goes to bed early and can't be woken up for the first few hours.

My children are independent and I have instilled that independence in them as young as possible.

This does not mean that it is chaos with us, but it does mean that they can take care of themselves. Not that this always happens. If I am at home, they also assume that I arrange everything. They wait for their food and if they eat or drink something, they ask if it is okay that...

Eating is not something we do without limits, out of boredom. Those who are busy, and that is often all of us, are busy enough not to think about food. Eating out of comfort is something we do sometimes with a piece of chocolate, just because those 4 cubes (no, not bars) taste good and it distracts from our troubles. Just like adults, children have their sadness too. Grief may seem insignificant in the eyes of the parent, the teacher or any adult, but this does not mean that this sadness is not real. At least with my children, it is. I know they are not drama queens and they are not faking it. They do not come to the fore either and after my own childhood and many years of parenting, I know that the sweet, polite child is usually forgotten.

Normally, there is not much you can do about a big nose, provided you go to the plastic surgeon. Whether you are treated successfully there is a question. Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon is certainly not to be recommended. There are things about appearance that we as humans simply have to live with. It is not bad to be different, even if generation after generation people are forced to conform to the latest beauty ideals. Incidentally, my children have not suffered much from this because we do not subscribe to newspapers, magazines or watch television. Who is famous, well-known or a trendsetter escapes us completely and, to be honest, this is the way to live a peaceful life. We do not need to join the group. However, this does not mean that there are no inconveniences. Discomforts that are familiar to most adults and that usually begin with puberty.

Pimples, acne, rough skin, allergies, dull hair, hair loss, dandruff, hair that is too greasy, less straight teeth, unwanted hair growth, nails that do not want to grow or look ugly, the missing symmetry of the face, too short, too long, feet that do not fit in nice shoes and so on. For most adults, this period passes and a few have never been bothered by the image the mirror shows them.


I keep my mouth shut and my only comment is that the open air, the sun, is healthy. Sun and air heal the skin, hair, nails and mood. Synthetic clothes are unhealthy and sweating in those clothes certainly does not do anyone good. Unfortunately, these days not many clothes made out of cotton or linen are for sale. As an allergic child, I already had difficulty finding 100 per cent cotton clothing. When the skin cannot breathe, problems arise.

Hygiene is also an issue. Even if you don't have money for detergent, you can still rinse your clothes (a piece of hand soap works well). Especially if you wash it right away, you can get rid of a lot of stains by using just water. The sun makes your laundry smell better.

Nails, I noticed some nails are the trend. Personally, I'm not too fond of fake nails and in my opinion, it looks ugly. If I see (extremely long) nails I always wonder how someone is able to work. To me, it's impossible and unhygienic. Ever asked yourself what hides underneath long nails?

This morning I started the day looking up information about fake nails and what else exists to make broken nails (including toenails) look better.

My youngest has excellent nails on the fingers but the toenails are a different story.

"How come those nails are so bad", I was asked.

I myself suspect that it is a blood circulation problem. I only know one person with extremely long nails (fingers and toes) and that is my daughter. I have always wondered where she inherited that from. My fingernails never grew properly but in recent years they have grown well and are strong. What has changed? I have no idea. There are still days I wash my hands continuously, but I no longer need cream for stronger nails. My toenails are a different story. I've written about this before. Mine hurt and they do as long as I can remember. A pair of nails has always been strange. As a child, my father cut my nails free from my toes. This didn't really help though. The nails hurt, stopped growing and look more like a thickening of the cuticle or maybe it's just some kind of callus?

Fortunately, my youngest child shares her problems and concerns with me just like the others.

Unwanted hair is no longer a problem and the time when only long trousers were worn is over. Which is nice when the weather gets warmer. Pimples and subcutaneous bumps are still there, unfortunately. I wish I knew a solution but I'm afraid there isn't one... At times you just need to be lucky.

Last Friday the question was: where do people buy nail polish?

Online is not an option for us so we luckily went to a drugstore new in town. We took gel nail polish (never heard of it) and tried it at home. This morning I saw on the internet that this brand is at least vegan (vegan nail polish?) and has not been tested on animals (is nail polish tested on animals?).

I looked further into options of various nail polishes, the different types of fake nails and nail stickers and more inventions of the 21st century. There is a lot for sale, but not everything is without health risks and all those fake nails are also polluting.

A foot bath daily with some chlorine is a good start. It should help against the athlete's foot and also in certain types of eczema. It's definitely worth a try. A foot bath in washing soda keeps the feet clean and works excellent against inflammation.

It is also important to wear open shoes. Feet should be exposed to the open air, need sunlight and if be washed as often as hands the average person would have fewer problems. It's time to say goodbye to the closed winter shoes. Off they go, just like the closed house slippers and socks. It will be open slippers, and sandals from now on and hopefully, the feet and nails will be a lot healthier before the next winter.

Not only 'annoyances' about one's own body are concerns of a child.

School is the number one and a school trip causes the necessary worries about how to arrange everything too.

For my youngest, a two-day school trip means a bus to school at 5 o'clock in the morning. Next, food and drink for this day and the day after are required. I wonder what happened to the school trips back in the day? I have never experienced that after paying a hefty amount children also have to bring along their own food.

"What will be paid with the money then?" I asked.

To this day I still do not understand how it is possible that despite the many mergers of schools (this would make more money available), nothing is possible and schools are always out of money. By nothing, I don't even mean 1/3 of what the schools were doing when I was still in school.

What do you give a child along for food and drink for two days?

"You will soon be carrying more food and drink with you than clothing," I remarked.

What can be kept for a long time in warm weather and is still edible? What can a person eat for two days if he does not want or cannot eat bread only?

I already put the orange juice left aside, I still have a pack of noodle soup, there is tea and there are cookies. I still have a small kettle that I carried with me for years in my small backpack when travelling with the kids. Now it comes in handy again. I suggest I can bake rolls. I have oatmeal, flour and enough seeds and kernels. Soft bread that my child can eat and does not choke on and that is also tasty the next day if necessary. A hot meal would be nice. Especially because the child leaves very early in the morning and returns home the next day after 10 pm or even later. (Anther worry: how to travel back home. I will drive to the city to pick the child up. It's my opinion children shouldn't travel alone at night.) Besides juice, the kettle, noodle soup, tea and cookies I give some cash (I took it out of the piggy bank). I want my child to have a nice time, not to feel bad because of this once a year going out, the need to think twice about whether to buy something to drink, ice cream or some food.

A child, it's what you are only once.

One's childhood should be carefree. Unfortunately, carefree childhood is rare. Setbacks are part of it, how to deal with what is impossible too, but this does not mean that as a parent you do not have the obligation to make your child's life a bit easier and happier.

Asking how things are going, how your child feels, consciously listening, having a good conversation and sharing experiences (your own youth but also worries) is a good start in addition to that little bit extra.

My children don't ask for much so listening carefully to what they say is important. I admit at times I half-listen, but luckily I'm always on time when it matters. My child is going on a school trip, and food is going with it, although I don't know what yet, there is money to buy food, a drink if necessary and there won't be any reason to be ashamed about ugly nails. Like any accessory, nail polish is an accessory too and can cover up what doesn't look as great as it could be and luckily others aren't as critical of your appearance as you are.

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
Written by   828
1 month ago
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I just realized that I can never be a perfect mother. Perhaps it would be easier if I just focus on raising my daughter without overthinking her future. Mine is already ruined, I hope hers won't be like mine.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Her won't be like yours since she's a different person. You can have things in common but it will never be the same. She can learn from you how to deal with issues but also how to fight for herself and ask if she needs help. There's no need to carry the world's burden on your shoulders.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

The world's burden always feels like mine alone but I am learning to let it go slowly.

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1 month ago