Who's responsible for your child?

I don't like to be forced into something and this means I do not like it if others force my children into something they don't like. It doesn't matter if it comes to sport, joining clubs, taking part in competitions or taking part in experiments.
Lately, I read about a 13-year-old child who sued his parents. The judge decided that the child was old and wise enough to decide himself. It sounds strange to me since 13-year-old children are not allowed to vote, travel without an adult by plane. They can not open a bank account, not take a loan, rent a car or take driver's lessons. We say they are not old enough, do not have enough life experiences to be responsible for their deeds, the consequences of a 'bad' decision and therefore they can not gamble either or win in the lottery.
A parent who leaves a minor home alone is considered a bad parent. Even a parent of a young adult we call bad if s/he doesn't show up at a meeting with a teacher at school. Parents who let their children decide what is good for them are labelled as lazy, scum, and irresponsible because no matter how old your child is you will always be a parent.

It's interesting how the rules change once it fits the government(al institutions). If it comes to organ donors a 12-year-old can decide. If it comes to debts and crimes a 27-year-old parent is the one to blame and the one who should bleed and pay for the bill. To me this doesn't make sense either do others, third parties, raising my children. No matter what 'they' (who are they?) say I know my children best. I am the one who deals with the consequences and the one who pays the bill, all bills.
Fair or not but who pays is in charge and so is the one who has to find solutions to the problems made by others. If you want fun, the good life you have to accept the responsibility and consequences as well.

I would not accept my child suing me. If my child would put me in court I would show it the doorway and tell it to leave immediately. Children who sue their parents should live with the consequences of losing their parents, family, home. I would not spend or invest one minute longer in a child not able to discuss its issues with me or the rules set in our family. To me, a child that would sue me proves it's not able to take responsibility for its deeds.
It's a fact most children, teenagers can't. Age, hormones, being influenced by others, the vulnerability of being rejected are all reasons why children respond in a way teenagers do. Making a statement is part of that too.
Should I as a parent accept that? Should I as a parent be kept responsible for the deeds of my child, the (side) effects of these deeds it called upon it? I don't think so. My love isn't so deep. Out of experience, after decades of being a parent and foster parent, I know what a child will say if it goes wrong: You should have stopped me! You knew I was only 12 (or 13) years old.

If a child sues you because of a baby photo you showed there's something seriously wrong. Wrong with your relationship and it should make you think as a parent how to deal with that. A good chat is no longer in it and most likely there's no way back. Too many children left home as a teenager and there must be a reason for it. Most of them do not turn out well and again out of an experience I can assure you it's not always the parent who did a lousy job. Some children are hard to handle, stubborn and refusing to listen or give in. Going separate ways before you meet in court can hurt but work out better for both sides in the long term.

My personal opinion is a parent is responsible for the health, well being and education of his child. No teacher, coach, neighbour, the relative or governmental institution should (try to) take care or influence my children. As long as I can be taken responsible for my children's deeds I am in charge. On the other hand, I refuse to be till the end of time. Being an adult at the age of 18 is young. Most young adults have no income, never paid the rent of their own home and know nothing about real life with all its responsibilities, bills, ups and downs as an employee, adult or... parent. It takes time, practice to develop the skills needed. It's a good thing to invest in real-life practising from an early age and share your thoughts, ideas by talking daily. If you share your day, your feelings you learn to know each other (fears included). It's what I always did with my children and if we couldn't talk we wrote.

Letting go of your children is never easy especially not at a young age. I do not agree with people who state little children know perfectly well what they want. Toddlers do not choose for a (sexual) relationship with an adult man, either do 4 or 8-year old children. A 12-year old can not decide to give a lung or kidney away. Decisions like these need to be talked over, seen from different perspectives. A child's decision never involves its future.

"I don't care if I will be not fertile after the jab," my youngest said, "I do not want children anyway."

If choices were only that easy. In ten, twenty or thirty years having a child might be important. Infertility might come with other side effects and if I would tell my child: Sorry, kid but you said back then you never wanted children, I know I am the one who will be blamed for its misery. Not the government, the minister, teacher, media or the pharmaceutical industry. It will be me because as a parent I should have protected my children.

#kittywu #parenting #raising #responsibility #children #life