Team work

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
4 years ago

"Discipline your children". It sounds not only odd but unfriendly to my ears.
I do not disipline or train my children. I never did. Discipline sounds like a training camp or army to me, training is what you do with an animal. You can litter train a dog or cat.
As my children were younger I mainly cared about their needs. I fed, washed, changed them. I carried them and drove them around, observed them and at times I played with them. They slept at thise hours the clock said it was time for a nap and it worked well.

The main thing I did as they became older was stimulating doing things by themselves!
It's not difficult to do so because a two year old loves to give a hand and you only have to let them and if this is the case, tell or show them how to do it.
The worst thing that can happen to a single mom is having children who can not take care of themselves in case of need. Those cases something happens to me. A something which each parent should count with.

No, I didn't train them what to do in case of need, who to turn to but I raised them in a way they know what to do. They can make their own bread, cook, clean, do the laundry, and take care of the wolves and garden. They can do the shopping and will not party, get drunk, or set the house at fire if I am not around. They are raised with certain rules, examplesgiven by me, the things I value. They understand why theserules are important.

Now they are getting older I no longer raise.
I didn't set a time for "stop the raising" we grew into it. They know the rules, the rules of this household just like they know where the money comes from. I will be responsible as long as they are no adults and live under my roof but I need to be realistic. I can not check each step they take.

At a young age, my children had to do their share of the household which means they had responsibilities.
I am not only a single mother but one with a job as well. It's impossible to do everything yourself and if you hand over responsibilities you need to give something back in return. With the responsibilities my children earned rights.
The right to give their opinion if it comes to spending money, big expenses, the right to organize their own life, schedule their day and future, and more.

Like said I no longer raise my children.
We live together, share the same house, tools, pots, and pans. We respect each other's privacy and give a (financial) hand if needed. For now, this works out fine which means there's no need to change anything as long as we are a team in those cases needed.

The community parenting is for parents sharing their experiences raising children.


#kittywu #parenting #teamwork

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
4 years ago

Comments

This was like how my mom raised us. It was nice to be given freedom and independence whereas my dad thought otherwise. We still abided by our mom and relished in having equal rights to the decisions made in the household, specially when my father left

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4 years ago

With us this works best. Good to hear it works for you too. Might be it doesn't work with all children I hear the strangest and most alarming stories about what children do. To me this is the best way. To my opinion you can not give responsibilities, let children do your job but at the same hand treat them like little children without any rights. 💕

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4 years ago

I guess not. Too much freedom migt lead to the avuse of it plus if the kids never learned why they needed to do things, the task would never make sense to them and they won't follow through with the instructions or even take interest in the tasks

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4 years ago

It's all about setting boundaries. Little children try them out it's normal. Adults do it too if you don't stop them. Once boundaries are clear and there's an open relationship without fear it will work if all are into it.

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4 years ago

You must be proud mom seeing your children raised to be responsible just like you. I salute you for being a 2 in 1 for them. I must say that I will do the same thing whenever I will have my children jn future.

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4 years ago

I am happy with each thing they can do themselves. I hope to be around long enough till they are adults and can stand on their own feet. That's what raising is about. Preparing them for the world outside. 💕

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4 years ago

You are really true. And I believe that you are a good mother too. 🥰

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4 years ago

For sure there are way better mothers than I. I try to make the best out of what I have to deal with. If it's good enough only my children can say one day. Thank you for reading and commenting. .

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4 years ago

"Discipline your children" is sounds more friendly to the ear compared to "Spare the rod and spoil the child" - a popular mantra in my society for years. Though people are changing and becoming more civilized with time.

You must be a proud mom with how your children turned out to be responsible. More of the kudos goes to you. You raised them not by "Discipline your children" but by being role model-ish.

I wish your family more years of love, happiness and teamwork. Have a lovely day

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4 years ago

Spare the rod and spoil the kid I saw around me too but that's not my style. Clear rules, yes is yes, no is no and perhaps and maybe do not exist. Little children need rules, boundaries if. It they keep trying and pushing you. I saw the spoiled kid bang his mom with pans on her had. She just sat there and cried did nothing because a magazine told her she was not allowed to correct the two-year-old.

That's why tv shows like "the nanny" are hot and the nanny makes a fortune.

I think, hope, what you invest at the start will benefit in the end but for sure character and interests play a role too.

💕

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4 years ago

Here parents don't spare the rod. The use the rod literally. A child can hit the mother with a pan and go free. If the mother doesn't react, the neighbours will, if the neighbours don't, some group will.

A guy beat his mother and wife. The act got out and people got to know what he did. Very early the next day, community youths went to the house, tied the guy and flogged him severely. Till date the guy has not attempted such.

The instance I gave may sound a bit off from the discuss. Just trying to let you know that down here a child can't raise his or her hand on the mother. If the mother doesn't react to it, outsiders will unless the word doesn't get out.

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4 years ago

My parents didn't spare the rod either but they, especially my mother, used it for no reason and the Keith or hood did nothing. Believe me, they knew but feared their own life.

It's not so bad if the neighborhood does take some action as long as we do not speak here about sadistic people where no one is save.

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4 years ago

We do not speak here of sadistic people. They have the support of "the elders"

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4 years ago

You made me smile as I read this, you are really a loving mother. I didn't know your a single mom until I've read this article of you. You're incridebly brave too raising children alone. 🥰 I bet your children grew up as respectul individuals with good manners. You've must be really proud of it. 💗

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4 years ago

Their manners are too good and that is the only thing I regret. I see the brutal ones get what they demand. Mine are always waiting in line, the end of it. I try to change that now.

I am not sure if I am a loving mother. To me, a loving mother is the one who wraps arms around you endlessly. I am not that mom although my children don't like it either.

Kind to say I am brave to raise alone but I did and do what I have to do. The other option was to leave or dump them somewhere which was no option to me. You can only know if you can do it if you try and do it. Besides if I look around me most mothers raise alone.

Thanks for reading and commenting and it's good to know I made you smile. 💕

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4 years ago

This is quite inspirational. It's a good thing your children were able to develop some self-responsibility.

It is always a challenge ansingle.parent, and its nice to see your children are making the job a lot easier.

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4 years ago

Mothers should be like that. They shouldn't spoon feed and spoil their kids. At a young age, kids should know how to be responsible so they will become a better person when they grow up.

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4 years ago