OMG what have I done

Life is rarely a fairytale I read. In reality, it never ends great.
If it comes to fairy tales, the real old fairy tales life is a fairy tale. Those real fairy tales do not have a happy end. It's not about true love, living happily ever after. There's no prince on a white horse snapping away an 8-year-old who choked in an apple and true love isn't recognized therefore doesn't exist. The little mermaid knows all about it. She sacrificed herself for a prince who didn't recognize. Each step this young girl took meant pain. She walked on knives and kept walking. A story about true love? For sure 'The little mermaid' was not. The original story is a warning. In this case, the warning is to not sacrifice yourself in the name of love, because of a man. Someone you can not get because you are too different. The little mermaid, a teenager lost everything. Her hope, faith, the love of her life. She was too blind to see what was going on and since she didn't manage to win the prince she ended up dead.
About lost, empty promises and death many more tales tell us. A part of them ended in a way most people never heard of. If it comes to that Walt Disney did a great job in changing the most famous stories into something good. They had to because children became their new customers and apparently today's children are easier shocked than those living one hundred or even five hundred years ago. The first versions of those stories were about rapists, criminals, girls who rather cut of their legs than be forced into a marriage. You name it and you will find it if you search for the real tale. There's nothing fairy about it and it's good to be aware of the world you are living in and how those people behave, feel, act. Those days men can steal a girl and he is seen as a hero are over. If it comes to heroes most princes didn't do anything to deserve that title except for being rich and forcing themselves up upon someone or showing up at the right time.

The article I read was about life, life not being a fairy tale. It was about heartbreak. If you never had one you can consider yourself lucky. Love, whatever it may be, doesn't make everything right. To a few, it might but to most of us, it does not. The longer we stay in a relationship the more we, in most cases one of us, has to give in. A relationship, a real good one and open one where every feeling can be discussed, is understood, is rare. That's why we need friends or why some share how they feel with their family, a diary or... the bartender.

Life is not a fairy tale and it doesn't have a happy end. The writer hoped for a few days it would. After a for sure painful divorce and moving in with the parents there is emptiness. Emptiness and darkness and... there are dreams, plans. Plans made for the new future. A job, saving money and a home to start with and with some luck pets. And after the dream of "huisje, boompje, beestje" (a white picket fence life) is realized it's time to start and keep that happy family. The family that was never important but with the right partner still can be realized.

The story, this story I read is not about the hunt for a partner but about starting all over again. Wanting what was never wanted or needed. It was never important but suddenly it sounds like the ultimate dream.

It all started at a reunion of old classmates and it's nearly 40 years later. They chat and talk about that time long ago. At least some do and they laugh. After all those years they even tell each other who had a crush on who.
What do you do if you bump into the one you once loved? This time you can tell how you felt at that time. A time so many years ago
Should you grab your chance if the same eyes you remember haven't changed? You all became older and wiser and there is nothing to lose if you both are single, have so much in common and have fun.

"It was you", the writer said as it was his turn to answer the question.

It's strange how we can surprise someone by saying the words "I love you".
It might sound like music to your ears if you hear the love of your life saying this but there are more times those words are not or should not be taken seriously. "I love you", is so easily said that it lost meaning to many. Especially those who already survived more heartbreaks than anyone can imagine.
'I love you' or 'You are special to me' are sentences too often said because it is expected, out of habit, because there is a personal need for.. and these lines can scare people away if you keep repeating them. For love, there is so much more needed than knowing each other for a day or two. Saying "You are special" if you just met feels as if there is a need and there's a desperate way of looking for someone to fill the hole. It would make me think more than twice and to me it is a good reason to... stay away.

Being single (because of a divorce or not) means you developed a certain lifestyle to survive, get over it and give meaning to your life. Giving up everything you worked hard, taking care of someone else, extra issues, responsibilities, being that rock someone else likes to build on... all in the name of love is too much asked. The fact is most people are not that special to do that again. Once older you know love, real love, needs time to grow. You have to get over all those heartbreaks that person will give you time after time unless you like to cry daily for the rest of your life.
Is someone who tells you 'I love you' worth the try, giving up everything just to not be alone?

How good it is after all this time, after all the misery to laugh with someone. It can feel good to hear someone had a crush on you. It makes it easier to have something in common even if it's only one year at the same school, speaking the same language, missed chances or a divorce.

After the reunion, there was a click or at least it felt that way. As a writer you have stories to tell, you love to share and the fact you found your first love back means something. It's what you tell yourself and the world looks so much brighter. You hold your phone close and wait for a text, hope it will ring and show the best of yourself if you meet. It all feels so right and you dream of those eyes you could never forget. True love shouldn't be wasted, time shouldn't be wasted and you tell enthusiastic about your plans while you look into those eyes and touch her and talk about having children...

Two weeks later the fairy tale came to an end. It started so promising. It was like walking on air, head up in the clouds and next it was a deep fall. Deeper than he thought he could ever fall.

That click she never felt. Being friends would have been a great start but that part was skipped because it all felt so good, so right and there was a reason they met. Was there?

Life is exactly like fairy tales. I know all about it. Just like this writer, I am a fairy tale lover and storyteller and I know all about it. The only thing I could do was sharing how I would feel. What I wrote back was my experiences, how I feel about and interpret someone's behaviour at this very moment. Indeed at times, we have a good laugh but the fact I felt annoyed at day number one he called me says enough. Those jokes are no longer jokes but a way of pushing me into a relationship and sex. There is no click and I am not the one who likes to care for others. Besides feeling annoyed, it makes me moody and if certain behaviour doesn't change, there is no way to be just friends this will be for me

THE END


I am aware not everyone is the same. As I read the story I felt something in common with the one who ended abruptly the contact which started two weeks ago. There was no fatal attraction, no love but a wish to make it happen. A wish that coloured the world of the writer what made him blind to the truth. Words said, small or bigger gestures and acts overdosed. The writer could have put it on a hold but missed that chance.

"OMG what have I done", was his response.

Watching '77 Heartbreaks' (on Netflix or here) is a good start to peep into a woman's heart if you really like to know her.

#kittywu #psychology #relationships