I feel much better and it makes me nervous.
What if my mother comes to my room? The last time I saw her was past Friday. I had to clean my bed and after that, she left. It's better if she forgets me. I can go to the toilet by myself and she will not scold at me or make me repeat what she says for over ten times or more. I can't help but if she starts talking my ears close after the first words. I cannot repeat what she said in the same way. It makes her furious.
I think I better learn the tables of content. If I go back to school and do not pass the test the teacher will be angry and the other children will laugh at me behind my back. They already do so because I don't know when it is my birthday. I know it's mine if two girls celebrate theirs but at my home, my birthday isn't celebrated. I am not special enough and it did not make my mother happy to see me. She says my early birth spoiled her birthday and my father forgot to buy her a present. Later he bought her an umbrella. She hates the umbrella and hates me because he gave her something stupid. I wish someone gave me an umbrella. I would be happy with it. The rain hurts my skin so does the cold. I don't know where the umbrella is he gave her. Perhaps she threw it away?
My dad told me to have breakfast in my parent's room. I don't need to make it and take it to my mother. She is still in bed. There is toast, bread, orange juice, and an egg. I wish we wouldn't eat that much but I have to eat it all. I need to be grateful for all the food that makes me sick. I eat slowly and feel nervous. I can't see my mother and if she is angry I cannot see it in time. We do not pray before Sunday breakfast and do not thank either. Is it because it's called breakfast in bed? Perhaps God doesn't notice we do not pray if so many do. I clean the dishes and after that, I can go back to bed. I do not need to clean the house and do not go to Sunday school. My dad says my aunt will visit us today. I like her. She lives far away, drives a funny blue car that shakes, and tells stories. She doesn't read them in a book but makes them up. Her stories are always about the three piglets.
My aunt is my mother's younger sister.
My mother didn't want her either. She is much younger than my mom and not married.
I read in my books about cats. I like reading and my mother doesn't mind if I do. Sometimes she gives me a book but I can read in her magazine too and the newspaper but only after my father read it. He dictates words out of it and I need to write them down. He says I need to be the best, the best in everything so people will not say I am stupid.
My aunt sneaked upside to have a look at me. She's nice. She says my mother doesn't want her to see me but she did go upstairs. She turns the lamp in circles. There are pictures on it. The picture that is at her finger is the next story about the three piglets. She tells it fast and leaves quickly. I hope my mother doesn't find her here.
June 28, 2020
