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Fear

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
Written by   827
1 year ago

It is the last week at school.
Today the teacher gave the report card. It's not a card but a booklet and it's blue. School's name is printed on it and we have to put it in a plastic cover to keep it clean. At home, parents have to look at it and if school starts again we have to give it back to her. I don't know if mine is good or bad but it doesn't matter. What is good or bad depends on my mother's mood my notes have nothing to do with it.

My mother's mood isn't good.
She should vacuum the house and she did not. All furniture is still piled up. I hate it to come back to a house like this. There's no place I can go. It's not allowed to enter a room which isn't vacuumed yet if I do the room needs to be cleaned again. I wait in the kitchen. The new housekeeper doesn't care. She doesn't give me anything to drink. I don't think she likes me. She chooses the wrong person to work for. I didn't invite her to work here. Perhaps she thought it was a great job working for my mother, she would be someone because working for the queen is special?
Nightmares are the specialty of my mother, nightmares, and pain. She loves to torture people and if she could she would cut your head off and put it on a silver plate as a warning.
She loves warnings and to spread fear. Adults fear her

July 20, 2020
Monday


Weekend

#kittywu #diary #childhood #fear

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
Written by   827
1 year ago
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Comments

Hoh, this is amazing. I can actually relate to the "hate to come back to a house like this".

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1 year ago

Worst is there's no other place to go. You can't stay at school, stay outside on the streets, you have to go back there.

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1 year ago

Yeah, so most of the time, I just stay inside my room. It's my happy place, which actually sounds sad for other people.

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1 year ago

My room wasn't a happy place or safe either, not even when I was in bed. It was better if my mother wasn't at home. It might sound sad to many but on the same hand, many do live in a room because it is the only happy place there is. 🍀💕

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1 year ago

Yeah, we just have to keep going still, because someday all this suffering will be rewarded one way or another. 🙂

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1 year ago

I have strong doubts about that reward and no longer count on it neither on justice. People love to close their eyes for reality although they enjoy someone else's misery in a movie or who knows in real life as well.

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1 year ago

I agree and it's very discouraging that people close their eyes to run away from reality and it ultimately takes away your trust in humanity.

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1 year ago

I saw them stand there and watch, teachers included and will never forget what the police said. Nothing has changed since that time, people still watch and those who do report do it in cases where it's not needed. Just to bully someone because it can be done anonymously.

All adults and they fear their own life more.

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1 year ago

That's the sad state of our society nowadays and we can't change that anymore. So we just have to be better persons than them because most people aren't really acting like humans anymore.

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1 year ago

The only thing you can do is taking good care of yourself in the first place. If we all do this, feel better and care and love ourselves the world will be a better place. Not one filled with threat and envy. 💕

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1 year ago

Yep, and if everyone else does, maybe we'd be able to have the kind of peace that we yearn for.

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1 year ago

I hope so. 👍

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1 year ago

I also have the same feeling before, when the classes end I feel sad about going home. But I have to go home fast because mom will get angry if I came home late. That feeling you don't know where to go to have some peace of mind.

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1 year ago

School wasn't the greatest place to be but at least there's peace of mind plus you know you can sit down and your desk is yours. You have to go home but never know what to expect. 🤔

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1 year ago

Same here, there are bullies at school too. Before I used to stay under a tree alone in school, and have my peace of mind.

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1 year ago

It is what is needed most. Peace of mind... and what they try to take away to break you, the possibility to think clearly for a moment. What struck me most is no one cares.

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1 year ago

Yeah, what a cruel world nobody cares and I think they even enjoyed it watching us being frustrated.

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1 year ago

That's such a terrifying mother ;-; i wonder if people actually know how she is

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1 year ago

Some figured it out. I met them years later and they feared her. Once an adult man approached me in the shop. He asked if I was... He stood there in the shop and cried and couldn't stop crying... It was five years later and perhaps for not even one year, not on a daily base...

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1 year ago

I've never met people who could be like this. It must be from the difference in environment we belong to

Why did he cry-

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1 year ago

I doubt these kinds of people are promoting themselves as such. They are quite charming which means no one believes the child. Once they feel tricked or abused it's too late.

He cried about what he saw and had been through and I assume he couldn't cope (his brain) with it. Perhaps he was too sensitive, perhaps he felt guilty by not acting and believing her, perhaps...

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1 year ago

The kinds of people I'd never hope to meet. But then one would never know on a superficial level

The abuse got that bad?

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1 year ago

I hope you never will and if you recognize them in time and keep distance. 🍀

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1 year ago

I will do that!

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1 year ago

Same with you my mother is so strict and to be feared of. I need a uniform and before you open your mouth you're denied. I just go to the corner and cry. As I mature I understand that it is not easy to be a single mother. Moody.

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1 year ago

The safest place there is. The corner behind a long curtain or a closet on the ceiling. You better not cry it won't help. My mother wasn't a single mother at that time, she worked, had a housekeeper... There are always excuses if you are looking for it but these are small excuses, cheap excuses. She could go to her room, ignore me but she chose to scold at me and hit me. Not just for a period or because I made her angry once in a while but because she liked the power.

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1 year ago

It's difficult living with such a person. Childhood years are supposed to have some of our best memories.

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1 year ago