Children - empty nest syndrome

"What are you going to do when I leave", my youngest child asked.

I have no idea and don't know what to say. What I wanted to do, not so long ago, is no longer possible. In two years, the plans, if I had any, are no longer possible. I am not the only one, the future of my children is also at stake. When we were looking for a school for my youngest, it was very difficult. The child could not really get excited about what was on offer at school. If you really want something different, or special, you should not count on the school or the teacher. Special courses are not offered. Do you want to become an archaeologist? Then how do you get the right training? Nobody could tell me. Same story for goldsmith and many more professions which are not really on the list of the average school. Schools only teach what is standard. Thinking out of the box is not part of it.

I don't know anymore what I will do with my life when my last child moves out.

All I can say is that for now, I will stay here in this house until the last or at least the second last wolf has died. I may be able to take one with me, but will I be able to roam by then? I suspect not and certainly not with my Baby as he is the oldest of them all. He limps now and then, but he is still bouncy, happy to see me and what we call 'clumsy and awkward'.

"Where are you going", I ask.

The child doesn't know yet but can only say that he doesn't necessarily want to stay here.

I understand that, although it was a bit of a surprise not so long ago because this child never really wanted to travel and now she does. Whether that travelling is still possible is the question. The EU and the WEF are doing their utmost to push the social issue through. In the autumn, this would start in Italy (a city?) and the German state of Bavaria is also about to start. This together with a QR-ID has of course nothing to do with Co-vi-d19, health or the environment but with control. Control over humans, the majority of whom are useless in the eyes of the elite.

When I woke up this morning, I did not feel very happy with the thought that I do not know what I will do when my last child leaves. What do parents do when children start living on their own? I decided to have a look on the internet (without the help of google).

The empty nest syndrome is said to be a feminist expression and women, in particular, are said to suffer from it. To be honest, I can't imagine it, but if the feminist says so... The fact is that many mothers today also work like fathers, or unlike fathers, and therefore do something else than just sit at home and care for children. Mothers in 2022 often have busy lives. They work, and they have 1001 things to do. What is that empty nest syndrome? Is it really true that no children at home make life pointless, and parents don't have to care about their children any longer?

I wonder if age doesn't play a role.

The average mother would be a mother for 20-30 years according to the info on the internet. Is that right? In my case, it is more like 40-45 years. That is a very long period of my life. I've worked, travelled, taken my kids with me when I wanted to go out, sat in the library, went to the gym, had animals, met people, but real, lasting friendships have been scarce over the years. Not only am I a mother/parent most of my life but I am also a single parent. The tips on the internet for the mother whose last child leaves the house do not take the single parent into account and just like me more and more mothers are. A single parent who struggles to keep her head above water wants the best for her child/children and has to sacrifice herself for this.

I didn't read really good tips. It's easier said than done to fill up a parent's free time after the last child's departure. Picking up old hobbies, sports, travelling, doing more with your partner and friends or getting a dog is not really a tip. It seems obvious to me, but you have to be able to do this.

As I said before, a lot has changed in the past two years. Traveling is no longer a matter of course, at least not for everyone. Friends, people who do have time to do something together have become scarce and I have enough pets. Incidentally, I never met nice people while I was walking the dog or cat. It was just a greeting or at most a very short conversation.

Let's not have the illusion that friends for life are easy to make. Internet is an option to make contacts and keep yourself busy. I'm already busy enough so maybe it's time to learn to finally do nothing (I still have to practice this and I notice that my children have trouble with this. Always busy with homework even on weekends and holidays is not as it should be).

I actually only read one good tip and this one was: start thinking about what you're going to do now.

It is wise to become aware of the fact that you will soon be alone. Not only for children who are going to live independently, but also for me as a parent. I don't think I'm that mom who sits by the phone all day waiting for the kid to call. I'm also not that mother who keeps calling to ask if the sweetie has eaten and hasn't forgotten to take a shower. Perhaps it is my children who have to learn that I am no longer always available, although that is also becoming more and more common.

According to the internet, the age of 18 (some say 20) is the age a child should leave home.

Why? Because children need to learn to be independent. They must learn to manage money, pay bills, do their own laundry and cook. They must learn to solve their own problems.

Just for your information: my kids have been able to do all that for a long time. They can wash dishes, do the shopping, know what the rent, gas and electricity, telephone and internet costs. They cook and bake and take care of the animals if this is not possible for me. Indeed, just like any child, they don't always feel like it, but they do it. They repair the car, take out the garbage and paint the walls and repair the roof. They know how to use tools and clean a sink. Indeed they do not always do that, not by default, not by themselves if this is not necessary, but that is why they are children. As a mother I have learned that I have to tell them to do it and then they do it. If I was grumbling about this in the past, the answer was: you can ask anyway and I'll do it. That feels a bit weird but when the job gets done.

A fact: When there are no more children living at home, I will have to do everything alone.

The extent to which I can manage that is no longer due to lack of time, but to age or my health. Who knows, I may not do anything at all because then there is no longer any reason to cook, bake or clean for someone. If it is no longer possible to travel, I may sit on a chair all day long, lie in bed, or I will simply die. After all, everything comes to an end, including mothers. Nobody has eternal life and making plans is beautiful but these are very often not feasible for various reasons.

"What are you going to do when I leave," my youngest child asked.

I don't know and guess I'll see by then or maybe I'll be the one leaving. It is no longer so easy for children to find a home and those who want to live and work abroad will no longer have it as easy as one or two generations ago.

If I like it or not, my youngest asked me the question and it made me think. That in itself is also important, just think about my own possibilities, and freedoms and the piece of future that I may still have. Can I also have fun and survive without children, friends, and family in ten or twenty years? What I have read on the internet and my thoughts about this I have shared with my children today and with that, the question has been 'answered' for a while. With time a solution will be found.

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