Sometimes our expectations from our loved ones seem to be accounting. Expectations such as "I did this for him. He should do the same to me." Expectations are tiring and wearing for both us and our loved ones.
Yes, balance is important in relationships. However, no favor done with anticipation actually comes from the heart.
If we really want to do something, we have to. This should not be to win over the other person. If we show love to someone so that they love us, there is an inconsistency here. Love comes from the heart. If we really love the other person, he/she probably will love us too. Or he/she may not like. To love is our choice (consciously or unconsciously) and he/she has likewise a choice to love us or not.
If we love, we can show it to the other person. In this case, it is important not to have expectations. If we believe that someone deserves our love, the affection we show them, this will normally result in a loving approach to them.
Things get complicated when it comes to expectations. "I loved her/him very much. I did everything for her/him." if we say. We are starting to believe that he does not love us. Because she/he did not show us the behavior we expect from her/him. The point is this: If we really loved her/him, we expressed our love for her/him because we loved her/him. Maybe he's showing her/his affection differently. But we may not understand her/his love because our language of communication is different to show love.
Maybe we show our love with words of love. But she/he expects a loving hug, a caress of her/his hair, instead of words. Maybe he wants you to hold her/his hand. Maybe she/he wants you to look into her/his eyes with love.
Often we may not understand each other's feelings with the lack or difference of communication. Every person has a dominant love language. These are simply related to the sensory organ we use most to communicate. We use one or more of the basic visual, auditory and tactile communication. In other words, we must first solve the communication language of the person in front of us. This is a detailed topic of communication. But we can simply understand the communication language of the other person.
1) Visual Communication: People who use visual communication language predominantly use the sense of sight predominantly. They are more interested in subjects such as reading, writing, visual arts. They speak fast. They learn faster by seeing. They prefer to learn by reading rather than listening. Their visual memory is stronger.
2) Auditory Communication: Auditory are more concerned with sound. They pay attention to their tone of voice while speaking. They are more interested in auditory topics such as music. They like to learn by hearing. Their auditory memory is stronger
3) Tactile Communication: People who mainly use touch, contact and communication use gestures, gestures and body movements intensely. Likewise, it is more sensitive to the gestures, facial expressions and body movements of the other people. His feelings are strong. They prefer to express their feelings through contact.
As far as I remember, we generally use these 3 forms of communication. We are all visual, auditory and tactile. However, we all use one or more of these more extensively in communication. We use visual, auditory, tactile or all of them in our relationships.
Let's say; you are visual. Your partner is auditory. You want to go to the movies, your partner wants to go to a concert.
If visual and auditory two people are in a relationship, knowing each other's way of communication will make things easier. You can go to both the concert and the cinema. Or you can choose to do this on different days. But we should know that if our partner wants to go to a concert, going to the concert will make him happier. When buying gifts for your auditory partner, knowing that they are auditory will help you make them happy. But it must be remembered that no one is 100% visual, auditory or tactile.
The way to understand each other is to make an effort to understand. We must try to get to know each other, show care and attention. The sentence "I love you" may not always be enough. We should be able to show our love with our actions, gestures, beautiful music, dance and gaze.
Sometimes we can show our love, which we cannot show with a big single stone ring, with a warm hug and a sweet smile.
That's why getting to know our loved ones and understanding their language of communication
That's why getting to know our loved ones and understanding their communication language makes everything easier. Perhaps the person we love will understand not when we say we love her/him 24 hours, but when we hold his hand to love her/him.
Maybe there is no culprit. Maybe the one we love is showing us that she/he loves us in her/his own love language.
There may be a thousand ways to show our love.
Photo by Artem Podrez from Pexels
https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-making-heart-with-hands-while-having-video-call-4492134/
There are so many personal ways to show love, the most important thing is communication to get to understand the individual ways each individual takes to express it.