Just Another Freewrite

February 6, 2020

Dear Diary,

This afternoon, I saw her looking at me with evil eyes again, she had this look that she want to hurt me with her eyes. Good thing she doesn't have superpowers, so she can't do that. She can't hurt me with just those terrifying looks.

It's been more than a year since I quit talking to her. I'm afraid of her. We are staying at the same house, but we act like we don't know each other. I act like I can't see her. She's just like a dust particle to me. I no longer want to treat her as a sister. I've long forgotten that she's my sister.

It just hurts me so much every time I see her because what I want from her is just a little respect, if she can't respect me as her family member, then just respect me as a person, but she can't even do that. Eternity may pass, but I just can't find forgiveness. I can't forgive her for all the things she did to me. She ruined my childhood. I wasn't even able to enjoy my childhood because I spent it looking after her, taking care of her. I practically became her mom. Not only that, but I was in charge of taking care of her that I can't even do the things I want to do as a child because I have to look after her. I can't play with my peers at school because I have to go straight home after classes, because she will be crying her heart out if she can't see me, if I can't play with her.

As a child, I don't understand why I have to do it, why I have to carry my parent's burden of taking care of her, of being in charge of looking after her. But I still loved her that time.

But as she was growing up, she developed a nasty attitude. She can't even pay a respect to me who only spent my childhood and my teenage years looking after her. All I hear from her are awful words.

It all started after my graduation. I had to work, and I can somehow help my family when it comes to financial aspects. I worked and gave them money every time I was paid from my job. But after a year, I was laid off from work. The company I was working for had to remove some employees to reduce their expenses and to save the company. I was one of the employees who were cut off from the company. I became jobless. Furthermore, I had to go back home and stay with my family with the little savings I have. From that time on, I can no longer support them financially because I was saving my money for my next job hunting endeavors. Since they no longer get any money from me, I lost their respect. No one respects me anymore.

It's sad to think that people's respect, even your own family's is measured from how much money or material things you can give them.

Every day, all I hear are unrespectful and awful words. And this fourteen-year-old kid who I took care all my life is not exempted from that. She's actually on top of the list when it comes to being unrespectful.

I became afraid of her. I'm afraid of her because she doesn't show respect even to our parents. She called them names and says awful things behind their back but when you talk on her, she will just deny everything and will say that she's being wrongly accused. She's the best actress at home. Not only that, but she can manipulate everyone with all her dirty little tactics. I don't even know if we are really sharing the same blood. 

It hurts so much. To know that she have the audacity to hurt me physically. Me who raised her up. She physically hurt me that I even got bruises and even after a week it is still not healed yet. She spanked me with a cloth hanger and a slipper. Furthermore, she did it in front of our mother.

At that age, she can swear and say bad things. She gets stuffs that is not hers. When she can't have the stuffs of others she'll make sure the owner will not benefit from that stuff too. One time, my other sister got a present from our uncle, it was a smartwatch that costs quite a lot. The bad kid seemed to like it too, but unfortunately it wasn't given to her. We know she really liked it, one time it was left at the center table and after that we can no longer find the watch no matter how much we tried to look for it. Months later it was found along with her stuffs.

That's how she is. She'd rather destroy something she wants than to have others benefit from it. She's too evil, but you won't even notice it.

She would rather talk to animals than talk to humans. She's really frightening, and I'm afraid what will happen to her once she ages more.

I don't know what to do anymore. For now, I'll just ignore her and see what happens. And I'm hoping to find a new job one of these days, so I can just work far away from home. Somewhere I won't see her.

I have to say goodbye now because I have to do some other stuffs. I will give you an update about her some time this week again.

This is supposed to be a free writing article. I don't know what happened but while I was writing it, ideas just came flowing in my mind and I came up writing this article instead. This is purely a product of my imagination and has nothing to do with my real life. Maybe I can come up with a story out of this and hoping that you all will support it. I promise to write a better article next time since I was just writing whatever today for the sake of releasing stress and tension out of my body.- @thepandagirl 🐼