Your my Diary today

It's a rainy Saturday, how are you guys? hope everyone is doing fine. Can you be my Diary for today?

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since we last talked, I always make an excuse not to write you because the topic is always the same. As I always read my story from the previous letters I made the sad part is always there. Now, I will have the same tune as my story.

I don't know, even how much I tried to make it work, to be better, to obey still in the end it's all worthless. He makes me feel worthless after all the things I've done from morning till night. He never supports or even listen to my achievements. I even can't remember the last time he listen to me when I feel happy or sad and shared a story or even a pep talk. It's always the attitude of dislike and negativity. I know I can't share enough money because of my debts (housing loan, salary loan) it only got me $10 take-home pay. For him money is always the issue, I know his job wasn't easy rain or shine he drives a tricycle and earned more than I do, he has savings every day and I have none, I never ask for some money from him not unless he is the one to give. I never complained and even disagree with his ideas and opinions but the blame is always on me. It's like all the good things in him the bad things in me.

I never have time on my own when he's around, I could not settle myself even just for a while, and using my phone is also an issue. When I got home from work I can't use it not until I finish all my doing (from cooking to cleaning). And now that I am here at Noise and Read cash he always tells me that it's a waste of time, but my earnings I always send to his bank account to patch the expenses that I haven't shared. And now I am happy for having some online jobs as an extra income but he keeps on bugging me that it won't pay me anything and is another waste of time.

I'm tired and sometimes wanted to give up, it's like I'm always chasing and grabbing all the opportunities when we have a wonderful time together. I always wish that it won't stop or make the time freeze even just for a while. I know how desperate I am, sometimes I become selfish and rude to my sons. I would say things against their father but I know it's wrong. Am I just sensitive to all this drama or I'm already immune to this system?

Diary, I told you that this life of mine is boring and not important, always repeating the storyline and no endings. Maybe it only ends when I'm gone.

Thank you for listening.

Good night have a happy weekend.

Lead image source:penheaven.com