Darkness. That’s what all I can see. I can’t see my shadow that can be able to help me to find my way out. I run, I walk, until I get tired and just crawl. But I fall and got stuck with this long tunnel that seems to be endless.
Why am I here again? Why did I end up in this gloomy tunnel?
When I was born, I cannot open my eyes like a normal child. At first, they thought that I have an apraxia or abnormalities at eyelid function. But when I turned eighteen, I saw the world outside. And I wish that I just have that illness to not be able to open my eyes.
The evening comes, I was walking on the street and I saw an old man sleeping at the corner of an old establishment. He was sleeping with no blanket around him. My feet move towards his direction.
“Mister, mister, wake up…”, I gently shake his shoulders trying to wake him up.
He wakes up. When he opens his eyes, I got startled a little. He cannot see the light. He cannot see what I am seeing. He is blind.
He reached for my face, I let him touch me so that he can recognize my physical features.
“Child, what can I do for you?”, he asked
“Here, mister, I just want to give you this”, I gave my money in my pocket.
“Thank you, young one. But I cannot accept that”, and then he gave it back. I am asking him why but he just ignore me and sleep again in the corner.
As he rejected my offer, I decided not to persuade him anymore. As I turned my back, I held my chest as I saw my father leaning against the wall. Probably watching what I am doing.
“Father, why are you here?”
“Why did you offer him what we earned?”, he questioned me hinting a threat on his voice.
“I want to help him, father”, the fear on my voice is visible
“You have no right to help” …
And that sentence kept repeating on my head.
My father called me outside in our small house. I run to go to him. But I stopped on my track as I realized what they will do to me.
“Come here”, my older brother said
I did not move. They have no choice so they force me. I am aware of what they are doing. And what fears me most is that I will become one of them.
“Here’s what you’re going to do”, my father instruct me of how I will get the pocket of our target. Yes, our family are thieves. They are doing it for a long time. My father does not have a job as well as my mother. And my siblings do not want to go to school and just want to learn how to steal someone else’s money.
Even if I do not want to follow them. I was obliged to. As years had passed, I mastered all the tactics. They considered me as their asset on pickpocketing. I did not notice that money makes me happy. I can buy what I want to buy. I can eat what I want to eat. I can do all I want with money. Money is my everything.
And then, I did not expect that this day will come…
“Brandon, go! Kill him!”, my second brother shouted at me
I am holding a gun. The mission gone wrong as this man witnessed that we are the one who stole the jewelries of that mansion. I am torn. I am torn of what will I choose. Am I going to kill this man to save our lives? Or am I going to let him go but not sure if he will report us to the police?
Not thinking about my conscience, I pulled the trigger which made a loud sound. Before it’s too late, we ran to escape.
After that incident, I cannot sleep during at night nor eat a proper meal. I’m having a nightmare. My right hand is always shaking. I killed him. I killed that man.
“Father, I cannot do this anymore”, I talked to my dad about my situation
“Brandon, you killed someone, yes, but that is just the right thing to do isn’t?”, my dad boldly said that
“What? I killed someone. I took someone else’s life, what’s right about that?”
“You just chose to save all our lives, son, and it was right. Do you want us to be dead?”
“No, of course not”
“So just continue what we do and everything will be alright”, my dad tapped my shoulder
And then, I questioned myself again. Is it right? I mean, I save all our lives.
Thus, I chose to continue what we usually do because my mind said that I just did the right thing.
Before evening comes, I saw the old man again. There are children who are throwing rocks at him and saying some foul words. I made my way to stop them. And as soon as I glared at them, they run away.
“Mister, are you alright?”, I helped him to sit as I’m inspecting all the bruises he got.
“It is you again. How are you?”, he asked me
He was the first one to ask me that. My tears suddenly flow to my eyes.
“I did a lot of bad things. I stole money to people. I killed someone. And I’m always telling lies to myself that what I did is right”, it was a heavy feeling
“It is right if you are thinking that it is right. But did you ask yourself if what you did is good?”, he patted my head like I am his own child.
I did not go home. And I promise to myself that I will never go home again…
I saw a tunnel. Is this the right way? I walkthrough to that tunnel as I am thinking about what have I done. I am blaming myself over and over again. I did a lot of sins. Why?
It was so dark but I still continue to move forward. I saw a goat, not an ordinary one. Its head has only one horn. It made a weird sound and it seems like it is crying in pain. I walked closer and closer, there are snakes surrounding the goat. The goat tried to push the snakes away with his head and feet but the snakes did not let him to escape.
The goat looked at my way. Its eyes… Its eyes were asking for help…What will I do? I asked myself again but this time with no hesitance I chose the good thing. I get rid of all the snakes by throwing them away. After discarding all the snakes, I looked to the eyes of the goat… its orbs looked like mine. When I will go to its direction, it suddenly vanished.
As the goat disappeared, my eyes got blurred with a sudden light. I opened my eyes and I perceived a silhouette of an old man.
“Child, come to me, I will guide you to the right path”
Author's note: This is just a fiction.
Credits for the lead image:
