What do you want from me?
This sentence might have coming in your mind when thinking about your ex.
I sure have. And I want to talk about six reasons why your ex maybe coming back to you. I mean obviously there’s wonderful things about you but why do they keep coming back.
So what I want to to talk about here are neurological systems in your body but don’t worry I’m not gonna make it complicated but I do wanna stress here is that I am simplifying things and this is not exactly how your body works but I think it’s important to understand how our bodies work and how your ex’s body might be influencing them to keep returning back to you.
I always like to go back to our emotions in neurological systems of our emotions in our body because those are really what motivates us and yes we can override them and our thinking can take control but generally but the reasons why we do the things that we do come from our emotions so let’s talk about them.
So the first and the most obvious system when it comes to your ex returning to you is:
1. The Panic in Grief System:
This comes online whenever we feels like we’re losing somebody that we are close to, somebody that we’ve had an intimate relationship with and it’s called the panic and grief system that is basically the way we experience it when we lose somebody who’s close to us. Even if we made the choice, even if your ex was the one who broke up with you and they chose to do that they still may feel panic inside of their bodies because it’s natural to feel panic when we’re losing somebody.
2. The Seeking System:
All of these systems are pretty much wired together in someway they can all influence each other but especially the seeking system is the one that is hooked into all the other systems of your body and basically it does what it sounds like, it makes you seek things out, it makes you want to get things that have made you feel good in the past. So even if your ex has told you that they hate you , even if they done things to demonstrate that they hate you as I pointed out with panic, it may look like they hate you but their body might be telling them like you need to stay in touch with this person because this was somebody who made you feel good.
3. The Care System:
The care system you may have heard to is referred to oxytocin and its just your general bonding system. Generally when we think of oxytocin in this system we’re talking about bonding with somebody , feeling good around somebody, having that feeling of confidence and feeling loved that feeling of course can pull us towards other people it’s what pulled us together ina relationship in the first place.
4. The Lust System:
This is the system that kicks on in adolescence for most of us and it motivates us to try to get close together and this is the one that when we talk about intimacy, yes we’re talking about closeness and feeling good and confident with somebody but unlike the care system this is a very specific kind of intimacy , this can be a very powerful motivator and is linked in with other systems.
Now the fifth system probably is not gonna factor in for everybody and probably not even for most people but it’s a possibility and is something that motivated me to try to get back together with my ex and that would be fear.
5. The Fear System:
The Fear system is the one that kicks on when we’re feeling really panicked when we like our life is threatened and it brings on that fight or flight system you’ve probably heard before. Fear might even be responsible for some of the anger you might get from your ex but if they’re the flight ‘s type of person or at least in this instance they’re moving towards flight they maybe trying to get away from the fear of being alone and get towards you.
6. The Thought System:
Their thoughts might be driving them towards you and that’s why your thoughts and your emotions interact. Generally your emotions have more control over your body than your thoughts but you also can think about things, you can change how you feel, your thoughts can change all of these systems and interact with them.
This is the pretty much principle behind CBT or DBT If you have heard about those therapies and the idea is that the way that you think once you grab hold of the way that you can think can direct how you feel. Of course you may not be a hold of the things that you think and you may not be in control all the time of the things that you think and that can be driven by your emotions.
So it’s a really complicated thing where your emotions and thoughts are constantly interacting now you ex’s thoughts may be driving them to return to you.
