Toxic Friendship

Being with people you treasure can sometimes feel suffocating. There is just too much pressure to please them, to make them happy, to be strong and reliable for them.

Being with strangers on the other hand, can feel liberating, can induce the similar feeling of a devote Catholic confessing to his priest. You are free to share your deepest darkest secrets, you are free to invent persona without fear of any judgement, without fear of any repercussions or consequences. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive.

We ask for help in riddles, in subtle cryptic ways, because loneliness is taboo in this society. We may sometimes get mushy with each other, pretend that we do care for each other, but the reality is, we feel uncomfortable confronting loneliness.

We may say a word or two to lift each other up, we may stay for a while, but in the long run people will leave, because the loneliness of other people makes them so uncomfortable because they are being reminded of their own loneliness.

The decline of my character began when I started to search for my dopamine hits elsewhere, everywhere, and excessively more often.

This is no longer a woman searching for meaning of happiness, this is already a mad girl in a frenzy, jumping from one escape to another.

People will tap you in the back when what you are saying is convenient for them. But the moment you utter an uncomfortable truth, a truth that goes against their interest and ambitions, you will be branded as outspoken, too loud, too hostile.

Surprising how I can remain functional despite of the internal chaos. Perhaps due to accumulation of good decisions in the past. But I know I am withdrawing too much from my ATM spirit. God only knows if I'm already bankrupt and what I am spending right now is already a loan. Bottom line is, if this continues any further, I am doomed.

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So, how would you know if there's a RED FLAG in your friendship?

Here are some common RED FLAGS you may encounter:

• when you tell them how you felt, or got hurt, they say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" instead of just saying sorry and taking accountability

• Shade presented as jokes

• Someone who gossips too much

• Someone who brushes off my pain when I share

• A liar

• Secretive

• Little to no reciprocation

• Someone who has genuine friendship with people who have hurt me

• Does not understand boundaries or space, holds grudges when you call them out for disrespecting your boundaries

• Insults you

• Aren't supportive for your academic

• Rude and manipulative

• They don't listen

Life Tip: Do not get attached

Just keep in mind that THE BAD DAYS ARE ONLY TEMPORARY.

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I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to Miss @FarmGirlfor being my first ever sponsor and for keeping me motivated.

Thank you for dropping by.

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If you still haven't read my previous article, here are these:

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• Earth Day 2022

• Saving the Earth

• Coping with Loneliness