The weight of compassion \ El peso de la compasión

I always remember an experience I had years ago while traveling on a bus, I was sitting in the second row when suddenly the bus made a stop in front of a very popular shopping center where I had to get off, I do not remember what I was going to do in that place, but I remember clearly what I lived that day.

I remember that minutes before asking for the stop I began to observe a young man who was sitting in front of me, about 25 years younger than I was, he was wearing a cloth hat that was fashionable at that time, a scout type hat gathered on the sides of his head, he had shorts and a drawstring bag on his back, he was also carrying a bag with a bottle of water. I rarely observed him because I am a person who does not pay attention to details, I walk immersed in my thoughts and I never observe my surroundings except for that day.

At the moment I was going to get up to ask for the bus stop, I watched how the man was trying with effort to get up from the seat, he was sitting right behind the driver and with a cane he was trying to support his body, he was staggering from one place to another and I remember how the people who were standing there would be space for him to get off, little by little he was dragging one leg and then the other, with patience all the passengers waited for him to get off the bus and some gentlemen carried him and put him on the sidewalk of the bus stop.

Once I got off, I realized that he was younger than I thought and he was very tall, maybe 1.80 cm, plus he was walking all alone, by his clothes it looked like he was hiking in the woods, he was prepared for the sun, with water, and another bag all hanging from his body. To get to the mall we had to cross a two-way avenue, there were two streets with a traffic light, once the light gave the crosswalk all the people at the stop crossed and only he and I stayed on the sidewalk, He got down with great difficulty and got to the level of the road while I looked around trying to see if anyone was with him, when I realized that he was alone and that he had suffered a stroke, I came to that conclusion because he had half of his body paralyzed and the other half was the one he could drag.

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So I started walking beside him very slowly to give him time to get to the other sidewalk and if the traffic light changed color I would signal the cars not to start. That is what I did as we crossed the two lanes. As we approached the last curb I motioned to him to help him up and he nodded and let me help him.

I was in a hurry to do something I don't remember, I guess it was nothing important, I remember standing in front of the mall, it had a set of stairs to get in and on one side there was a ramp for wheelchairs for people with disabilities, but it was too steep for someone who had no balance. When we arrived I thought for sure someone was waiting for him to take him to the mall, he couldn't walk alone, but I was wrong.

I remember that I left him without crossing words and went up about 5 stairs while I saw him and there he was motionless, I'm sure I frowned because I was in a hurry, but I could not leave him there alone and I went back and asked him if he wanted to enter the mall and there he looked me in the eyes, his eyes were clear, he was a very handsome young man with a white complexion. I felt his anxiety in wanting to tell me something, however I could not, he could not speak so I signaled him that I was going to help him, as if asking for permission to help him, I hoped he would accept so he shook his head in affirmative. I took his still arm and wrapped it around my neck then hugged him and began to move us towards the ramp to go up.

As I write this I feel my heart racing as it did that day, this is the first time I am telling this experience in written form, twice it has come out of my mouth and it was to tell my mom and a friend what happened. Continuing with the story I wanted to help him, it was something that came out of my being without even thinking about it, however they were the longest seconds of my life, I never imagined that he was such a heavy person, I could not carry his body, because he was a very tall man for me, he was about 1.80 cm while I am 1.50 cm tall, besides carrying his weight and trying to get him up a ramp was mission impossible. As I took each step I felt my body sinking, it was as if I weighed 500 kilos, at one point I felt like I lost my balance and I began to pray silently asking God to help me, to give me the strength to not let him fall.

I remember that many people were watching us climb, but no one had the slightest intention of helping, no one wanted to give a helping hand, a little push, they only looked on with faces of astonishment while I silently implored for help, I think I did not shout for help because I could not get my voice out of such anguish. When I saw that no one would help, I focused only on climbing step by step and continued praying. It was a breath to reach the surface and then I left him sitting on the first bench I saw. Without half a word, I walked away, bathed in sweat, thanking God for overcoming that trial.

Then came many feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, helplessness, admiration, many emotions were mixed and I wanted to shout them out however I could. I started to breathe and understand what was happening to me. I asked myself, why am I angry? And the answer I found was, because I was embarrassed to stay with the young man for a while just to keep him company, I don't know why I would be embarrassed, another thing was the anger I felt from the people who were watching us while we were going up and who didn't help us no matter that we could fall. It made me very angry that people are so indolent.

After several breaths I let go of that anger, and I understood that if I want help I must ask for it, that I alone assumed that commitment and that is why I could with him, after venting to my mom at night before going to bed I felt so sensitive, grateful and blessed to have health. It was admirable how that boy in those conditions had decided to go out alone to face the world, he wanted to be independent, something that for many goes unnoticed for people with any condition is a challenge. He could have spent hours standing and waiting for someone to offer him help just to go up and sit in a space other than his room. Every time I feel like giving up on anything, I think of him, his tenacity, his strength and his will to live.

For me this was the most compassionate encounter I have ever had, as I identified with his suffering without feeling pity and had the desire and action to alleviate his discomfort or remove his barriers despite his situation.

Tell me have you had a moment of compassion with someone or have you received a little compassion?

This is my entry to the dynamic writing exercise Numero #7 created by @JonicaBradley, if you want to participate just follow these simple rules.

Write about compassion

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Write at least 600 words or close to it.

Tag @JonicaBradley

Have fun!

07 - 11 - 2021

THE ITEM IS 100% ORIGINAL.

Translated with Deepl.