Back when I was young, I remember my grandmother always taught us to be always respectful and be polite to the people around us. Whenever we met someone on the road we should greet them. Whenever we visit to our relatives, we should always show some respect especially to the elders. We get their hands and put them on our forehead as a way of showing respect to them. Before entering a house, we should knock first and wait for the permission of the owner before we get inside. That is how we are taught and that is what I always bear on my mind.
"When you are new to a place you must know how to get along with people. You also need to interact with them sometimes"
It feels so good if people would accept you no matter what your religion or no matter what your race is but it's so sad to think that we live in a place where other people think differently of us when we don't have the same faith with them. I thought we were okay with them but it's different when we turn our back. I thought they would accept us, but instead they look down on us. Whatever good we do for them, it can't change the way they think of us. I have high respect for them because if you look at them, they dress very conservatively and they always pray. They are helpful and considerate to their families to the extent that even if one of their family is doing wrong, they are still siding that person. They tolerate their bad doings. Even the younger ones don't know how to respect us. The younger ones are so expert on saying bad things.
I still remember last December we had a neighbor who was a drug addict, he went to our house to borrow a motorbike, I wonder why he borrowed a motorbike where in fact they have a car. It turned out that he was drunk and really wanted to go somewhere. And because my partner is very kind, he drove and accompanied him wherever he wanted to go because he might get injured and our motorbike would also break. And when they arrive on the place that he said to my partner, my partner didn't expect that he would buy "shabu' and the sad thing was that he took the 500 pesos from my partner. That money was a salary for my partner's workmate. My partner got angry and went home and complained to his brother-in-law. We fell asleep having the fear in our heart that the drug addict might cause trouble because my partner left him. The next morning, my partner's workmate went to our house and asked for his salary and so we told him to take it from the family of the drug addict because he took it last night and thankfully he got the money. They cause troubles many times, there was also a time when the drug addict fired a gun and fortunately the security outpost was near our house, they became alert with the situation and they went to the drug addict's house immediately but he escaped. On the night, there are some security and good neighbors guarding us to make sure we are safe. That incident, we informed the barangay captain and they said they would take action but that was not the case. We found out that they were relatives of the drug addict, so our accusations against our neighbor seemed doesn't matter anymore to them. When my partner went to the barangay because there was a relief donation, he talked to the barangay captain's brother and we found out that we were the ones who become bad because our neighbor reversed the story and they even told that my partner was a drug addict. My partner doesn't let himself be affected because he knew that he didn't do it and he even told the captain's brother that he is willing to to take a drug test and that he will also let our neighbor have a drug test. Then the captain's brother became silent. I knew that they are aware of the true story but they choose to believe the story of their relatives. That is very clear already to us that even if their relatives does wrong to others they will always be siding them. That's a painful reality in this place.
By the way if you somehow followed me in noise.cash you will know where I am exactly in Mindanao.
We were living here for almost four years and as what I observed to these people, their minds are closed with people like us. They see themselves as higher than us. They don't recognize someone as same as theirs especially if that someone is having different tribes or religion with them. My partner's father is really from here and has the same tribe with these people but my partner's mother was from Bicol region. That's why they don't recognize him as one of them.
Let me share another experience we have:
One time my son was buying some snacks at the sari-sari store in one of our neighbor. As he went home, he was stop by two young men and they asked where his father was and he told them that his father is at work. My son is about to leave but suddenly there were two women who went to them and told my son something unpleasant. They told my son that I Am a "Aso!!Baboy!!". These words are bad words in their dialects. When my son told me about this I just ignored it because I know that they have resentment towards us. They hate us because of chili peppers only. (Later I will tell about that chili pepper story). I knew that they are just pretending to be nice to us when we are in front of them . They become good talkers especially when they want something from us. We have garden before with lots of vegetables. They will asked some vegetables and we didn't hesitate to give. They ask it for free but they will sell it to others. We have been so good to them but one situation change them and they showed their true colors. They are just being nice because they can benefit from us.
So here's the chili pepper story:
(Let's give our neighbor a nickname, T is for the chubby one and B for her girl friend)
One night while we were having a dinner, my partner told me that if ever T and B went to our house to asked for chili peppers, I should not give them. And I asked him why? Then he told me that he have small talks with them earlier but suddenly B told something not good to hear. She told my partner that my eldest son is crazy because my son doesn't talk to them. My child is not really a talkative one and he is not also familiar with the dialects that they speak, so he won't say or talk to them. Then at the morning T and B came to our house and asked for chili peppers and I told them that I won't give. Even if they insists to asked for small amount only but I still say no. I am really hurt for the words they said. As a mother, who wouldn't be! They came to our house as if nothing happens, as if they didn't say something wrong. We were so generous to them but just because my son doesn't talk to them they said something bad already.
These neighbor of ours have a mean attitude. I remember one time while I was cooking, I heard a locomotion on the road and I'm curious what was happening that time so I went outside and saw that they quarreled one of their friends. This friend of theirs was also close to me. I saw T bringing a "Saw" while B was following her and T's sister also had knife on her hands. They really catch others attention because of their loud mouth and T was shouting "You are a Christian!!!Christian!!! Baboy!! Aso!!!" She insulted her many times not minding that there are many people who are looking at them even the younger ones.
These situations in life has taught me many things.
First is no matter how kind, how approachable, how understanding you are, there will always be someone who wouldn't accept you, who would not appreciate you, who would judge you without knowing the real you. There will always be someone who will say something bad about you. That's the reality, people are so quick to judge someone even if they doesn't know the story. There will always be someone who just believe on one side of the story and they don't care if it's true or not.
Second, Don't be so kind to all. Put limitations to your kindness. Don't let people use you for their benefits. Learn to say no especially if you are wronged by them. Don't let people abuse your generosity.
Third, don't trust all. Many people nowadays are pretentious. Many became your friends because of benefits, some of them just became your friend so they can see some weaknesses that they will use for your downfalls. Some of them will only be their on your happiest times but they were gone when situations became worst. Some of them are not happy with what you have and they will do many things that can discourage you and will destroy your life.
They say Life is unfair but for me "Life is fair but the people around us are not." I always come to this thought because of the unfair treatment that this society showed to us. We want to be kind but how can we when people are always crossing the limits of our kindness. How can we be accepted if these people are close-minded ones.
But even if we experience this, we still believe that there were still some people out there who are an open-minded ones. We still choose to live our life as we want it to be. We choose to stay who we are despite these people did to us. We always prayed to God to enlighten the minds of these people. We prayed that someday the negative thoughts they have towards us will change.
"In the eyes of God we are born and created equally but in this world, we are judged by many. We are judge by our looks, appearance, status and position in life but we should always put in mind that no matter what we do, God is always watching us. Believe that there is Good and Bad karma. No matter what we do, know that there will always be consequences of our actions."
Thanks for reading!
-LHES