My Hurtful Past that I Let Go

I became who I am today because of my past.

Who would have thought that I was once a woman who just cried when I'm hurt, sad and I just keep silent in the corner. Who would have thought that I was once a person who prefers to keep her feelings inside than to confront someone. That was me before. I am too busy trying to please everyone around me. I'm too busy fitting myself into someones life. I'm too busy doing things that will make them happy but all those deeds are not appreciated. Even now when I think of those stupidity of mine, I will still cry. I'm crying because I let others fooled me many times. I let them used me and I didn't even think of my own self.

I remember there was a time, under the very heat of the sun, I helped my in-laws to harvest corn from our neighbor so we can have some shares of that harvested corns. I felt thirsty and weak because of too much heat but I can't stop because I needed to finish the wide area assigned to me. While I was busy helping them, their daughter was just at home busy on watching television. After a long tiring day, I thought I could rest already but when I went home, there are still many things that I needed to do. I got some plants, I don't know what is the name of it but all I know is that the leaves of that plant will be chopped into small pieces and let it cook so the pigs would have something to eat. After getting some of those plants I still chopped it and cooked while my in-laws and their daughter are eating cassava as their snack. I endure the pain that I'm feeling so I could finish the work early and so I could rest.

There was also a time that I was left taking care of 7 kids, 3 of them are below one year old, the other one is 2 years old, the twins are 3 years old and the oldest is 5 years old. At around 11 AM, the 2 years old kid cried and he wants to see his mother but his mother left with this grandfather to get drivers license. I let him cry because I'm still cooking for their lunch. Later on the girl who was below a one year old cried too. So I picked her and find a way to make her stop crying. After a while, she stopped crying so I hurriedly washed the dishes and let them play and then I fed them with their lunch. After almost four hours the mother of the two kids went home and that was the time I had my lunch, it was already four in the afternoon. When I think of those experience, I would think and ask myself how did I handled those situation that time. I took care of 7 kids and I was also able to wash the dishes and also clean the house. Wow!!! I did a multi-tasking job. I was like a wonder woman who can make things possible.

There was also a time that I was sick but I don't have a medicine at all. They knew that I'm not feeling well but it seems they didn't care at all. They didn't even bother to check on me in my room if I was okay. Thankfully I have a neighbor who I am closed with, I called her Mamang. She went at our house, she gave me medicine and she's the one who took care of me, she was the one who prepared food for us so we can eat. I was very close to them because his husband and me had the same birthplace. I was happy to met them who I can call a family even just for a temporary. I owed her for the kindness that she showed to me and hoping that someday I will see her and I can return all the favor that she did to me before.

I felt hurt for what my in-laws showed towards me. I hated them for what they did to me. I did everything so they can treat me as their own family but they never did. I sacrificed a lot for them but those sacrifices are not valued. Every day I prayed that I will be out on that situation. I prayed that I will meet someone who could appreciate me for who I am, for what I am. And I was so thankful that I met one today. He was the one who taught me to let go of the Hurtful memories that I had so I can be free from pained. He taught me to free myself from the past so I can be totally happy. And I'm so grateful for having him on my life. We are just textmates before but now I'm totally happy. He was so responsible and he always thinks about us. He made sure that we are always his priority.

To the man I love thank you for the love you always show to us. For all the things you did to us. Thank you for saving myself. If you didn't came into my life, I don't know what will happen to me. Thank you for accepting my whole self. I have flaws and imperfections, we have many quarrels and misunderstandings but you never let a day passed without solving our issues. I'm happy that whenever you are talking with your future, you never failed to include me in your plans. How lucky I am that I met someone like you. Thank you so much and I love you. Thank you for making me happy every now and then.

If you think you are not valued, don't hesitate to leave. If they don't appreciate you, then leave. Don't try to fit yourself into someones life who doesn't know how to keep and care for you. Always remember that there will always be someone who can accept and appreciate you for who you are.

Thanks for reading!

-LHES