I have been eyeing this book for ages but due to my rule to not buy new books until I had read at least a significant portion of the books I already had I wasn't buying it. Recently a friend gifted it to me.
There are a few questionnaires in the book. And although I relate to like 90% of the statements I read this one statement and it immediately made me cry. It read: I was trying harder to understand my parent than my parent was trying to understand me.
As a kid I never felt like there was anything wrong with this... or that me working so hard to understand them was because they didn't and I was trying to make up for that to repair our relationship. Even as a teenager. But that statement somehow made me realise that as a parent and the person who knows more and has more life experience they are supposed to try to understand me just as much if not more. And that, that should help me learn how to do it myself. But I often still feel deeply misunderstood.. and as a kid felt too old for my age. I still feel like I overcompensate for everything that's wrong in a relationship.
Instead of being understood, I spent my time explaining myself. They never did and still know almost nothing about me. They threw assumptions at me and I spent time explaining what I really felt or thought and before I finished one explanation there was another one to defend against. There was no time to get to know each other. Only for defense.
I have been eyeing this book for ages but due to my rule to not buy new books until I had read at least a significant portion of the books I already had I wasn't buying it. Recently a friend gifted it to me.
There are a few questionnaires in the book. And although I relate to like 90% of the statements I read this one statement and it immediately made me cry. It read: I was trying harder to understand my parent than my parent was trying to understand me.
As a kid I never felt like there was anything wrong with this... or that me working so hard to understand them was because they didn't and I was trying to make up for that to repair our relationship. Even as a teenager. But that statement somehow made me realise that as a parent and the person who knows more and has more life experience they are supposed to try to understand me just as much if not more. And that, that should help me learn how to do it myself. But I often still feel deeply misunderstood.. and as a kid felt too old for my age. I still feel like I overcompensate for everything that's wrong in a relationship.
Instead of being understood, I spent my time explaining myself. They never did and still know almost nothing about me. They threw assumptions at me and I spent time explaining what I really felt or thought and before I finished one explanation there was another one to defend against. There was no time to get to know each other. Only for defense.