A firstborn's dilemma

I was just done with my shift so I got my phone, lay on the bed comfortably, and scrolled. And then there's a quote I saw that really hit me.

"Eldest daughters are the backbone of their family and make numerous sacrifices by putting everyone first and without having anyone who understands their life struggles but not everyone is ready to hear this."

This could also apply to the eldest sons. I could absolutely connect to this as the oldest daughter. Being the oldest means that your parents, as well as your siblings, will rely on you. Your parents will put their trust in you to look after your younger siblings. Personally, I wasn't able to truly enjoy my childhood. Because I have to look after my siblings while my parents are at work, I am not permitted to go out and play with my peers. I'm told to go straight home after class because I have obligations at home, such as cleaning the house and making our meals; yep, I'm already in charge of cooking at such a young age. I have to make sure that everything at home is properly taken care of before my parents arrive from work.

I have to give something to my younger siblings if I have something that they want. Why? I'm the oldest, after all. I was watching The Return of Superman the other night, a Korean variety show that depicts real-life children and their interactions with others. Park Naeun, a 6-year-old child with two younger brothers, is one of my favorites. For the second time, I witnessed her crying, and I cried as well. That's when her father asked if she ever feels sad about her siblings. She also stated that she does things for them and gives them what they want, she looks after them, but that they do not do the same for her because she is younger. And I felt that. That's the life of the eldest.

The eldest really have a lot of responsibilities. But what's sad is that no one does those for them, Most eldest is often neglected. The Filipino phrase 'kulang sa aruga' (not properly taken care of) is so true to most Filipino eldest kids. This may not apply to all, but those kids whose parents married early, who doesn't fully understand their responsibilities yet when they had the child may have had this experience.

Younger siblings rely on the eldest. As the eldest, I had the responsibility to make sure that my siblings eats proper meals on time. And teaching them manners is a must too. If the parents are busy, as the eldest, you have the responsibility to educate them. Help them in terms of early literacy. In my case, as the eldest, I was my sibling's first teacher. Because my parents are too busy to teach them. They are already tired upon arriving from work, so they no longer have the energy to teach the kids. But you can't cross the line and discipline them because they might accuse you and say that you don't have the right to do it since you are not their parent.

But what really makes me sad is not about doing those responsibilities. What makes my heartache is not getting the respect that I deserve. I lived like their second mother and I spent my whole life taking care of them, and all I want is for them to have at least a sense of gratefulness and little respect, but I don't get those. I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel that I didn't do my best. Maybe I was a bad sister after all. Maybe I wasn't able to set a good example. And sometimes, a thought crosses my mind, maybe I could only feel everyone's love and respect when I'm already gone from this world because that's what people are. They will only appreciate a person, they will see a person's goodness, only if the person is gone.

One of the toxic Filipino family traits that I don't like is parents considering their eldest son or daughter as their retirement plan. They let their kids go to school, finish college and get a diploma. They then would pressure them to get a high-paying job as soon as possible so that they could support the entire family. Most of the eldest kids are becomes milking cows. And what's worse is that the family would only respect them if their needs and wants are given. When you work far from home, they will only remember you if they need to ask for money from you. And if you don't give them what they want... you're the villain! And as a bonus, you get to hear unpleasant words from them. Parents, your children are your responsibilities, if you ever sent them to school, if you provided their needs, that is your responsibility. In the first place, children never asked to be born. We came into this world because of our parent's own will so don't expect nor pressure your kids to return what you did for them. It is not our utang na loob that you've taken care of us, it's your responsibility. And like a good son or daughter, we would give back if we are in the capacity to do so. After all, it's our way of showing gratitude that we grew up well and achieved our goals thanks to you.